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The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/16/2009 7:42:44 PM

sultryone

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I'm new to BDSM, new to the realization and acceptance of being a masochist, and was wondering if anyone could recommend any books or websites that can maybe shed some light on the why's and the questions I am finding myself confronted with.

Thank you. :)

sultry

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/16/2009 7:45:15 PM

lovingpet

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What are those whys and questions?

I just crossed this bridge myself not long ago, so will be happy to chat on the other side if you have specific things you want to work through. I remember with clarity how it felt accepting and understanding that part of myself. I wish you all the best on this new journey.

lovingpet

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/16/2009 7:59:11 PM

Maxwell67

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone
I'm new to BDSM, new to the realization and acceptance of being a masochist, and was wondering if anyone could recommend any books or websites that can maybe shed some light on the why's and the questions I am finding myself confronted with.

While I am also interested in the whys and wherefores of those questions, I would caution you not to over analyze it. You are who you are. If you are only just coming to accept it, the before you go seeking the opinions of other 'experts' first just seek out ways to explore, safely, what it does for you and perhaps examine other areas of your life where it has manifested in less healthy ways (masochism is like that) and work on channeling that need into something that, if not good for you, will at least be relatively innocuous. Perhaps finding an experienced and understanding sadist would be a good step. Talking to other masochists is also a good step.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 6:43:05 AM

ShellyD

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Radical Ecstacy by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton is a book not necessarily for masochists, but discusses the drive or addiction to the extremes of 'emotion' or as they call it,'transcedence'. I have enjoyed this philosophical approach to an aspect of BDSM.

I am kinda addicted to transcedence myself

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 7:11:57 AM

sultryone

Posts: 46
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone
I'm new to BDSM, new to the realization and acceptance of being a masochist, and was wondering if anyone could recommend any books or websites that can maybe shed some light on the why's and the questions I am finding myself confronted with.

While I am also interested in the whys and wherefores of those questions, I would caution you not to over analyze it. You are who you are. If you are only just coming to accept it, the before you go seeking the opinions of other 'experts' first just seek out ways to explore, safely, what it does for you and perhaps examine other areas of your life where it has manifested in less healthy ways (masochism is like that) and work on channeling that need into something that, if not good for you, will at least be relatively innocuous. Perhaps finding an experienced and understanding sadist would be a good step. Talking to other masochists is also a good step.

That is excellent advice, thank you. And ShellyD, I will look into that book as well. :)

sultry

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 7:17:06 AM

FelineFae

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purrhaps a journal is in order? great tool in self discovery,,, or so m'Lady tries to tell me

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 7:35:55 AM

omega1955sjoy

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I have been in therapy for 30 years now, and 25 of those years we have delved in why I believe that I am a masochist. I still have not been able to come up with a clear and concise answer for any of my therapist except for one, and come to find out she happens to live in our world as well. So she understood all to well. Although since becoming an adult and realizing that I am a masochist I always thought it came from being physically abused as a child, but now I believe it goes way beyond that. I believe it is something that your born into. That you have no control over. You are what you are accept it try to make it a healthy place in your life. Life is to short, to be something that your not, I am a masochist, I love to be strapped down and beat on is that wrong no. Why because it's consensuel.

" No kind of sensation is keener and more active than that of pain ~ it's impressions are unmistakable "
just my 2 cents this morning.
be well & in peace

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 7:43:21 AM

FelineFae

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if this helps- masochism came early on for me. and it wasn't hard to figure out at all. having endometriosis, it was rare that orgasm was not followed by pain. i knew i'd have to learn to deal with both or never feel pleasure. over time the line between the two blurred. time passed and i learned to love the pain too. now i see it as a challenge and feel that the more pain i take, the stronger i am.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 7:47:26 AM

feydeplume

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This may sound glib, but it is also true.

masochism is fun because it is full of endorphins, attention, setting aside the rules, and getting to connect (lol) in a non-conventional way with someone (like how you can open up to a total stranger on a plane about things you would never tell your best friend.)

bottom (hehhehhee *snort*) line is that we are this way because we are this way, just like we are tall, short, tanned, freckled, have hair and nails, and get hungry. It is part of being alive.

sometimes you will love it about yourself and sometimes you will hate it (rather like body image) but it will still be there.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 8:01:21 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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They're all aliens to me.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 8:43:49 AM

kiwisub12

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You're sick , i tell you - SICK!

What decent Christian person would want to get beaten on??       .........

Oh    -    wait      -    thats me. Oops.

It is what it is - and knowing why it is doesn't change anything. If there really is a reason to know. I came from a fairly healthy background - with nothing to explain why i love pain. It confused the hell out of me when i started into bdsm three years ago, and finally for a little peace, i gave up the "why"   and went with "why not?". Much easier to process.

and its cheaper than shopping for shoes.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 12:43:54 PM

oceanwynds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

purrhaps a journal is in order? great tool in self discovery,,, or so m'Lady tries to tell me

Journaling is fantastic, but them i am a journaling junkie.

OP i didnt realize how much i enjoy being a mashochist till the age of 55. I did ask late hubby a few times to spank me, but he just couldnt.

As far as books I dont know. I just like it and said oh wow and am permitting myself to do so.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 2:47:10 PM

softness

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I found that reading lots of books actually took me further from embracing *my* masochism. It's not someone else's, it is *mine*. Useful as reading how other people reached that place of acceptance and understanding is I found that I was confusing myself by not matching up to them. Perhaps I was reading the wrong books, or not "getting them" but I felt whenever I read one I was taking a step further away from what was actually me and myself.

I thought a masochist was an ultimate pain slut who goes goey over every type of pain. That's not me. So I can't be a masochist now can I ... oh no ... help.

I don't now try to fit in that way, I just do what works and feels comfortable for me. I am a masochist, I'm just not the same as the one standing next to me.

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 4:15:27 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShellyD

Radical Ecstacy by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton is a book not necessarily for masochists, but discusses the drive or addiction to the extremes of 'emotion' or as they call it,'transcedence'. I have enjoyed this philosophical approach to an aspect of BDSM.

I am kinda addicted to transcedence myself

This is a good read...and yes I appreciate the term transcendence when used in this context. Indeed it's a positively charged construct as opposed to the more usual term thrown at masochism...the term victim.
I think it must be difficult to understand masochism if you are coming at it from a simplistic behavioural approach....behaviourists looking as they do for what the pay-off is. What's the pay-off? What's the pay-off?
The pay off is this: masochism allows one to re-live, re-experience a former physical pain/emotional pain. It enables as near as possible for that pain to be delt as powerfully as it was in its original formative context... most original pain being inaccessible of course. (Various theories explain why original pain is not accessible... repression/amnesia/detachment being some of them_.
However during consensual states pain (eventually) subsides with a release of pleasure, with the release that tears bring or the support that after-care brings, or the comfort of communication. Speaking personally I get the release of insight.. a point during very real tears for example when I realise I am not back there but I am here and now. Simply having insight into an awareness of having given consent brings with it a sense of power.
Some masochists self-harm to accrue that sense of power. Some self-harmers do not do so in the context of bdsm but the sense of control and power is the same during an act which an outsider might determine as self-victimisation.
Consensual pain is a cycle... it has a beginning and an end.. and it is this realisation wherein comes the transcendence.
(Patting myself on the back... must remember I remembered this).

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 2/17/2009 4:19:22 PM >

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RE: The Mind of a Mashochist - 2/17/2009 4:25:50 PM

MrRodgers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

They're all aliens to me.

But fun kinky aliens...right ?

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