RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (Full Version)

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wolffeathers -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 10:31:20 AM)

A killer, no. Someone that might kill, yes.

A dominate, no. An idiot, yes.

As a sadist, and one who uses breath play, there are MUCH safer ways to do it then sticking fingers down someones throat.

As that could start your gag reflex, and, as was stated, you may vomit, which may kill you in itself.

However, do not let that scare you away.

Even in vanilla, there are those that will take it to far.

See if you can find someone that has a good rep, and is known to your local community.

Ask to speak to their former playmates.

Any dominate that is worth is salt will make sure that you feel that he can be trusted, and will only take things to the level you wish, as a submissive.



Kinkypupper -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 11:13:15 AM)

I think you both need to decide on a list of hardlimits
If he crosses that line don't walk.. RUN.



Jewelry -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 1:00:00 PM)

wolffeathers,

Oh the fingers down the throat. This was something he did often before when we were together, but never to choke me. I am very oral and I struggled with deepthroating him due to his size. At first he did this to stretch my throat/prepare it. I have almost no gag reflex which he found interesting. Sometimes he would do this in public just to put me in my place and remind me of my duties to him. But this night, he did this for some time and I fought him to stop so I could breathe. So this was nothing planned or negotiated. It could of suprised even him to know this was a turn-on who knows?

But at any rate I'm done with him. I could of really used some aftercare as I wasn't in very good shape really. But I truly think he did scare himself on this. He did act concerned somewhat he called a taxi and waited with me. But that was it. I'm done...at least with him.



JohnWarren -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 1:45:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

[ If you engage in them... make him prove he is capable of reviving you... certified in CPR.


While I don't want people not to learn CPR, quite the opposite, I need to put out the success rate of CPR is less than 50 percent for qualified first responders. It is not a tool for those doing dangerous scenes. It's a backstop when something goes wrong.

Short comment: he stops your heart. You have less than a 50/50 chance he can restart it if he does everything right.



CanoeMaster -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 6:12:42 PM)

A few questions .. Did you discuss this part of the play before hand ?, it doesn't sound like it.
Why on earth would you want to return to someone who would terrify you that much ?
From what I read you didn't mention anything that excited you , physically or emotionaly about the whole thing. Why ,unless you are really into being so damn scared that you literally are afraid of dying would you want to even think about returning.
There are ( Having read your profile and seen you pic ) no doubt thousands of Doms who could learn what pleases you and excites you and Them that would be willing to spend an evening with you, without having you so terrified that you are going to be killed be an out of control sadist who cares nothing about the human being he is engaging with in his pathetic attempt to get his own needs met.
My opinion : Don't ever get close enough to him to ever let you touch you again. BDSM is a consenual activity .. Abuse is Abuse.. you have just had perhaps a once in a lifetime escape from the latter. Any dom who cannot respect an agreed upon "safe word" or "safe sign"is an abuser not a Dom.
Learn to differentiate between the two and enjoy the feelings of being a submissive who is safe and sane.



MstrssPassion -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 6:24:50 PM)

In reply to Newbie1sub

I read your post a few times & I'm not sure I understand what you are writing. It seems as though you were troubled by my reply.

At any rate,
I stand by my words... placing yourself in an unsafe situation proves nothing about submission... just proves you are willing to place yourself in an unsafe situation.

As a dominant, a responsible dominant, I will not place any bottom/sub/slave in a situation that is unsafe & by that I mean in a situation that I am not completely capable of handling. As a responsible dominant I look to the safety & welfare of the bottom/sub/slave ahead of the fulfillment of my own kink or desire. I derive far more pleasure knowing that BOTH participants are enjoying the scene.

Not all 'dominants' are responsible. Not all dominants give two shits about the safety of those they interact with. Not all dominants will know when to stop nor recognize that they have gone too far.

ANY submissive/slave that goes along with whatever a dominant wants & does so under the premise that they do so to prove their submission is an accident waiting to happen. You can't expect the dominant to be what you imagine a dominant to be & hold them responsible of your expectations. People lie & people exaggerate. We as individuals have to take responsibility of our actions & involvements regardless of our role.

Too often subs have this romantic notion that the dominant they submit to is some sort of prince & when things go completely wrong they cry foul & pitch a bitch about how they were abused... all because their romantic notion (fantasy) did not manifest itself in reality & they deny any responsibility.

It's the big bad doms fault!! I can't trust another dom because of what he/she did to me...

On that note... back to the OP

Jewelry,

You offered a lot more detail in your posts following the one I replied to earlier today. First let me express that I am sorry that had a bad experience. I hope that you have learned by this & NO, not that others can't be trusted (don't make everyone guilty of one persons crimes), but rather that you need to not place yourself in an unsafe situation like this again. If that means not meeting with this man again... so be it. If it means you take a break for a while... fine. Just don't fall off the horse & refuse to get back on, that never resolves anything.

No one on this board will ever know exactly what happened, what emotions were stirred or what the true intentions were of this man were. It simply cannot be revealed in this format or in this environment.

I wish you luck in your future & hope that your path has not met a permanent road block.


edited to add:
As I have finished reading the thread I see the comments about CPR... this was merely a suggestion of one being able to prove they have taken some sort of measure to be prepared to act if something goes wrong. It would be more comforting to know that someone actually had taken some type of course as opposed to not.

I agree that they chances of being revived are not great.... again this is why I have stressed that all persons being involved MUST assume responsibility of what takes place. It cannot turn into a blaming game. That he said/ she said... he did this & she did that is all about people not communicating & not taking responsibility of their actions.



wetrope -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 7:06:58 PM)

Run girl run, an obvious foolhearty newbie who doesnt know what he is doing.

Next time make sure you cover the off limits list beforehand.



Wolfie648 -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/18/2006 10:57:29 PM)

quote:

Please forgive my ignorance on all of this I am a novice. Hell I didn't even know I was submissive until a couple of years ago when I had a fling with a younger dom. I was suprised and shocked at myself and at the same time it felt so very natural to me.(hope that makes sense) He remarked that he had never been with someone so submissive and willing to please as me. Anyways, two years later, I run into him again. We talked, and both of us admitted we had not found another partner as *intense*.

Anyways, we get together that night. But things went entirely too far and very dark. He was getting off on sticking his fingers down my throat so I couldn't breathe until I became unconscious. He said he wanted "sucked off by blue lips". This went on over and over a two-hour period. And once, I didn't start breathing again right away. I remember being able to hear his voice and somewhat aware of what was going on, but I could not respond, could not feel my body. After I did come to, I remember him frantically asking me the standard questions: What year is this? Who is president? things like that. Stuff I should be able to answer but at the time I couldn't. Never-the-less, it didn't stop him from doing it again a couple of times after that. He wanted me to be scared. I told him "you won't kill me, you wouldn't kill me" but he replied "oh yes, I could kill you"

Does this have anything to do with true dominance or could this be the beginning of a killer?

<confused>


What you are describing to me here is extreme for a dom/sub relationship.

I would also say this is extreme for master/slave relationship. Not unheard (one variation or another) of but extreme.

I would say that for 2 people to meet a couple of years after a break up (no reason disclosed) and do this kind of thing that a number of significant changes happened in the 'dom' in this encounter in the meantime. You seemed willing all along from your description.

This is very much edge play and could involve your death. Your description of him talking about blue lips is....concerning.

Through this whole thing you seem to have felt nothing. Telling? If so of what?

Be safe,

D (owner of j)



Newbie1sub -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/19/2006 1:52:50 AM)

Dear MstrssPassion

thanks a lot for Your reply.

quote:

ANY submissive/slave that goes along with whatever a dominant wants & does so under the premise that they do so to prove their submission is an accident waiting to happen. You can't expect the dominant to be what you imagine a dominant to be & hold them responsible of your expectations. People lie & people exaggerate. We as individuals have to take responsibility of our actions & involvements regardless of our role.


You did say it much more better as i have done. - it is an accident waiting to happen.
fact is - mostly it is the sub/slave who will be hurt or may harmed when a situation isnt good at all. and no - i do not tell that a Dom/ Master will not be touched when things went wrong.
but like You said - it take responsibility.

and there as a matter of fact - there exist a lot of people like You told lie and exaggerate. people really sick and un the name of BDSM live by their sickness. i do not tell in general... but i do agree with You.. its a point about responsibility.

in concerning about what Jewlery wrote so far - just my opinion i havent seen much responsibility from The Dom.
but it takes also responsibility for a sub/ slave to take care of themself......

thanks a lot....



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/19/2006 6:01:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648
This is very much edge play and could involve your death. Your description of him talking about blue lips is....concerning.

Through this whole thing you seem to have felt nothing. Telling? If so of what?

Be safe,

D (owner of j)


I've got fantasies a lot more "concerning" than that.

My only issue is that it seems she didn't know what she was getting into, and that other guy probably really is just going with his desires rather than being controlled about them.

The desires themselves, and the breathplay itself are perfectly acceptable to me.



RiotGirl -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/19/2006 6:13:23 AM)

i totally agree with LA on this



windy135 -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/19/2006 11:07:25 AM)

It's a good idea not to see this guy again. But don't let that scare you away from all Dom's there are some out there that aren't crazy... right? ;) I'm glad you are ok!



theRose4U -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/19/2006 6:06:37 PM)

quote:

Thank you for your honest answer. This is a bit embarrassing for me. I've only had limited experiences and only with this guy. After that incident, I haven't seen him again. But it does make me leary of exploring and meeting someone new.


I think you've answered your own question No everyone isn't like this.

What you're describing is very dangerous edge play that shouldn't be tried by novices for the very reasons that you're afraid. I also wouldn't expect the kind of endorphine rush and disconnect that you experienced for similar reasons.

Just because you've gone off the high dive into the ocean doesn't keep you from hanging in the kiddie pool until you're more comfortable with your limits and your partner. A munch might be a good way to meet like minded people.



IrishMist -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/19/2006 7:23:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

i hate to say it but.....

ooooooooo kinky. That was a really hot story = )

But uh, yeah he's unsafe and um i wouldnt trust him with my life, but then i dont even know him.




LOL Riot...nothing like pushing the envelope, is there?

but it does sound as if he got alittle carried away



Jewelry -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/20/2006 3:07:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648
What you are describing to me here is extreme for a dom/sub relationship.

I would also say this is extreme for master/slave relationship. Not unheard (one variation or another) of but extreme.


Thank you replying Wolfie. Extreme is a great word, hell I didn't even go into half of it really. The intensity was just so strong - like a drug in of itself. And I pushed him to further explore his fantasies. I don't want to play complete victim here, that would be false. I wanted him to feel powerful, I would have done anything at that time to please him....to excite him further. I gave him control willingly. I offered him my hands to be tied. It was a complete surrender of power. The oxygen depravation was very weird. Since it was repeated several times, my mind was just not right. It's hard to explain. I just felt very loopy and yes, very disconnected from myself and reality. I would wake up and not know what had just happened. It took me over a week to put all the peices together of fragmented memory. And some things I'm still not a 100% sure of. I know I fought him on this - instinct takes over, even if my mind was not right I know my body was screaming for air. And I do remember him trying to soothe me telling me not to fight it. Getting mad from me kicking, struggling.

I've never felt this with anyone else and it was the same for him. Like...you just can't stop yourself. Maybe it was the chemistry? A dangerous cocktail that should never mix. My body/mind felt traumatized throughout the next week - l'm not exagerating. I don't recommend this.



Wolfie648 -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/20/2006 11:15:21 PM)

quote:

I've got fantasies a lot more "concerning" than that.

My only issue is that it seems she didn't know what she was getting into, and that other guy probably really is just going with his desires rather than being controlled about them.

The desires themselves, and the breathplay itself are perfectly acceptable to me.


I didn't say they were unacceptable. I told her to be careful. I'd recommend extremely, for the reasons you've stated.

D (owner of j)



RealDeal1963 -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/21/2006 12:44:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewelry

I've never felt this with anyone else and it was the same for him. Like...you just can't stop yourself. Maybe it was the chemistry? A dangerous cocktail that should never mix. My body/mind felt traumatized throughout the next week - l'm not exagerating. I don't recommend this.



From the sound of your experience you'll make a wonderful slave...If you live long enough to enjoy it.

You have many years ahead of you to explore your submissive side and experience all the emotions you describe (and more), don't try and take shortcuts though and go too far too fast with the wrong person.

This experience SHOULD put up huge warning flags in your mind and I don't believe or trust this Dom of yours one teeny tiny bit and you shouldn't either.

Even if somehow this Dom were telling the truth, just got caught up in the moment, and never did this before, he's just as dangerous (maybe more) because he demonstrated very clearly that he was NOT IN CONTROL of himself. The fact that he didn't stop when you first blacked out and continued, clearly showed he was not responsible enough to handle it.

I think you also said you got little, if any, aftercare. This also really puts up huge warning flags to me. Play is one thing (even edge play) but when it's done with no regard for the well being of the sub or concern for her afterwards that's legit psychotic behavior.

So, whichever way you look at it he's one of two things:

- Liar psychotic and a potential killer who's working his way up to the real thing
- Legitimate guy who pushes things to extreme limits, doesn't know when to stop and doesn't care for your own well being.

Run baby run (while you still can)



Jewelry -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/21/2006 4:02:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RealDeal1963

Even if somehow this Dom were telling the truth, just got caught up in the moment, and never did this before, he's just as dangerous (maybe more) because he demonstrated very clearly that he was NOT IN CONTROL of himself. The fact that he didn't stop when you first blacked out and continued, clearly showed he was not responsible enough to handle it.


Hi RealDeal,

First, let me make it clear - it was a little more serious than "blacking out" (that was the point I think). It was that I didn't start breathing again right away. And I think unconscious is a better term truly. I was tortured for over a two hour period. Within that time I was in and out of consciousness. When I was out he would "play" with me. I'm still not sure of what all he did to me. I do know on a couple of occassion I was moved - actually drug around. I woke up to him dragging me down stairs by my feet slowly so my head would hit each step. I think the pain awoke me there. And I'm almost sure he did electicute me once although I don't know how. One memory came back to me where it felt like my brain was screaming like a freight train and I was biting on something so hard I was afraid my teeth would break. This can't be another asphixiation memory - why would I be biting on something? What was in my mouth? I have no clue really. And that is what is really scary about this whole thing. I have definate laspes of memory. I don't know what memories to trust.

But really, I must of truly looked dead. The blue lips was not an exaggeration. You're not the first to suggest he is a liar. If my previous experience was anything resembling this severe I would probably believe that. Just a psycho taking advantage of a sub to get his kicks. But it was never, never dark like this before - that's why I trusted him. I think he maybe he is slipping into insanity. Maybe some serious mental problems now. I did contact a friend of his after this experience. I told him I thought he could kill, that he almost killed me. But I don't think he believed me. So yeah, you don't have to worry about the warning flags - that's a given here. And I haven't had any contact with him since this.



MasterLark -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/21/2006 4:45:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewelry
Just a psycho taking advantage of a sub to get his kicks. But it was never, never dark like this before - that's why I trusted him. I think he maybe he is slipping into insanity. Maybe some serious mental problems now. I did contact a friend of his after this experience. I told him I thought he could kill, that he almost killed me. But I don't think he believed me. So yeah, you don't have to worry about the warning flags - that's a given here. And I haven't had any contact with him since this.


Just chiming in with several -- you got it right -- he's a psycho, not a Dominant nor a Master.

So now what have you learned about how to select the next Master? you want play, not death. you want safe arousal, not dangerous risky actions. you want intensity but not injury or worse. you can be a wonderful slave but you need to learn how to select a better Master, or, actually a real one, IMHO. First and foremost, a true Master takes responsibility for your health and safety extremely seriously and acts accordingly. you start with Him knowing your physical and mental conditions and what works for you and for him; it's not a one-way street, it's a understanding that is reached and agreed to.

Go slow, carefully, but proceed. No need to rush.



Jewelry -> RE: Have you ever taken things too far? (1/21/2006 5:45:57 AM)

Thank you MasterLark,

Finding a new master is kind of scary in itself for me. I did make an account here and closed it the other day. It was too overwhelming for me. In two days I received 17 pages of messages! I really don't know how to go about this right. There is alot of good advice here which I appreciate. Saying "no" and setting limits are something I need to work on personally. I've always known this. It's just not natural to me. So I am very vulnerable alone. I've created a sort of self-imprisonment - not going out, not trying to meet anyone, because I know my own weaknesses. I'm a psycho magnet. I swear it's like they can sniff me out. I just really want to find someone I can trust. :(




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