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RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/20/2006 4:51:41 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FloridaJules

I'm just wondering...within the lifestyle and meeting new people (read Masters/Doms) is it too much to expect to have a bit of normalcy in the meeting and getting to know each other? I don't know if it's something about me or how i behave but it seems like there is an unspoken permission to be groped upon meeting. What ever happened to lunch, dinner, drinks even coffee...nice conversation and getting to know one another...kinda like real dating? I know this lifestyle is a bit more upfront with sexual issues and i honestly don't have a problem with that...however, the lack of basic manners i've seen (not necessarily from CollarMe.com contacts but in general) is quite appalling. I'd love to hear the thoughts of the Masters and Doms out there as well as the experiences of any subs that see this. Thanks in advance


This may not be for everyone, but I came up with an idea for handling the upcoming first meeting between myself and the boy I am hoping to offer a training collar to, making sure both of us are on the same page, our expectations are clear, and no there will unexpected surprises.

The meeting itself will be very vanilla. We are meeting in a coffee house, and after that we'll go to lunch.

The circumstances, however, have him completely under my control from start to finish. I scripted our meeting. What he's to do when he walks in the place, how to approach me, to greet me, etc. What to do when we leave for the restaurant, etc. I gave him the opportunity to review the script and my permission to comment on it.

Even if scripting a meeting isn't for you, I recommend that anyone meeting someone for the first time, talk it over beforehand and make sure that one of you isn't expecting sex that the other person has no plans to offer.

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/20/2006 8:19:18 AM   
Sartoris32801


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline 		Grabbing her from the table before dessert by the back of the hair, dragging her off to the car where she’s cuffed; whisked off to the cave where she’s tied up and you have your way with her for days isn’t normal?

I’ve always meant for coffee, drinks, lunch or dinner, with little or no expectation and the understanding that either party can walk away, no questions asked. Most of the time the chemistry is not there, other times there is enough to at least meet again and on a very rare occasion there was a sexual arousal on both parts that led to not waiting for dessert.

Sartoris


_____________________________

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.

(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/20/2006 9:09:25 AM   
Bathsheba


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		Normalcy??

What the heck is that??

Surely the word is normality ???

(in reply to Sartoris32801)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/20/2006 10:07:55 AM   
FloridaJules


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline 		Main Entry: nor·mal·cy Pronunciation: 'no r-m&l-seFunction: noun: the state or fact of being normal


Hope that helps expand your vocabulary

(in reply to Bathsheba)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/20/2006 10:15:48 AM   
FloridaJules


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline
Back on topic, again, i'd like to thank all of you that have contributed with your insight and experiences...this is a journey that is a constant learning experience and i appreciate the sharing of yours.

(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/20/2006 6:45:40 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		When i was still meeting people from on-line i'd say, usually in an early letter or at a "first meet" that i not only don't play, want to any groping, sex, etc., on a first (or maybe more) and that it's a hard limit. My thought is that if they won't respect that, then i'm not gonna allow sex, bondage, or any thing else because they obviously don't know how to listen, and to do otherwise would be unsafe, foolish, and our meeting is over if they keep it up.

good luck.


(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/21/2006 6:09:50 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		I entirely expect a first meeting to be 100% vanilla, though as RealDeal1963 posted, you have to follow your instincts. My inclination would be as his were though: a touch to the wrist, the back of the neck, an earlobe ... more of an intrusion into personal space than groping.

Sometimes when I've met a woman for the first time at a munch, I've simply asked whether I can pull her hair a little bit before we leave. Some of the time I've gotten 'no,' some of the time it's been a light little scene we can each carry with us for the rest of the day.


_____________________________

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"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/21/2006 7:19:15 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FloridaJules

I'm just wondering...within the lifestyle and meeting new people (read Masters/Doms) is it too much to expect to have a bit of normalcy in the meeting and getting to know each other? ...however, the lack of basic manners i've seen (not necessarily from CollarMe.com contacts but in general) is quite appalling. I'd love to hear the thoughts of the Masters and Doms out there as well as the experiences of any subs that see this. Thanks in advance


Not too much to ask, in fact, in my view, it should be expected. Of course you did not mention whatever conversations etc led up to the first meeting and that can make a difference as to how a first meeting goes. But my view of being a Master is that courtesies always matter, and normal conversations have a place. We all start as human beings, whatever the role we want to enhance.

If he is arrogant and uncivil before you meet him, he probably will be that way when you meet him the first time.

(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/21/2006 10:24:14 AM   
desoutter


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline 		Now this is a meaty topic....
I have seen it all (lie)... and I am here to say: it is appalling...

I must be one of the rare Doms who respects the woman before the sub... whatever did happen to just plain old manners?

#1 - respect the woman
#2 - get to know the woman
#3 - know the the limits
#4 - respect the limits
#5 - Honesty - communication - understanding
#6 - respect the limits
#7 - enjoy!


(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/21/2006 4:35:58 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Whew. Is it just me, or is it really hot in here?


I can't believe no one followed up on that opening. They must have been distracted by Jules and me negotiating for housework.

Yep, you're hot!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/21/2006 5:14:15 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I got distracted while looking at a particular tat.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/21/2006 7:47:03 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		I totally oppose anyone pushing anything on the first meeting! For gosh sakes, what the heck have we come to? I agree this is a very bad thing.

But...it has happened to me. Nothing more than brushing legs and touching an arm. This is an opening. The reaction will tell all. I've had a woman pick up my hand from hers and drop it on the table! Well, that message was received and I was gone from that situation (dinner) as fast as I could make it.

Groping, on the other hand, is way beyond the pale. The only time it would be appropriate is if the female starts things off, and is obviously interested in more.

Can be a fine line. I've been in the situation where a woman says, 'stop'. I don't care if she 'really' means go further; I'm stopping. In today's world, it's foolish do go against an expressed thought.

Expect bad things to happen to those who ignore the warning signs...or words.

(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 1/23/2006 9:04:53 PM   
FloridaJules


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline
It looks like the topic has played itself out but again, i'd like to thank everyone that took the time to respond...there were some wonderful suggestions as well as practical answers. And...Petruchio, Sir...if you find that house slave....let me know? hehehehee

(in reply to erebus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is a little normalcy too much to expect? - 2/2/2006 6:52:04 AM   
Dracironsgirl


Posts: 175
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FloridaJules

I'm just wondering...within the lifestyle and meeting new people (read Masters/Doms) is it too much to expect to have a bit of normalcy in the meeting and getting to know each other? I don't know if it's something about me or how i behave but it seems like there is an unspoken permission to be groped upon meeting. What ever happened to lunch, dinner, drinks even coffee...nice conversation and getting to know one another...kinda like real dating? I know this lifestyle is a bit more upfront with sexual issues and i honestly don't have a problem with that...however, the lack of basic manners i've seen (not necessarily from CollarMe.com contacts but in general) is quite appalling. I'd love to hear the thoughts of the Masters and Doms out there as well as the experiences of any subs that see this. Thanks in advance

no i dont think so ....it is always or usually awkward when first meeting someone at least for me it is ..i like to get to know a person a bit before anything else is to come ...like in any relationship in the begining, it takes time to build a good thing for me...Master was very easy with me at first meeting and in time i felt comfy enough to go on from there...just depends on the situation and circumstances i would think no ?
~kristin

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to FloridaJules)
Profile   Post #: 34
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