Would you be interest in... (Full Version)

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oceanwynds -> Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:35:31 AM)

I wasn't sure to put this into a post or poll, but figure the moderators would change it if necessary. I not looking for a yes or no but more the reason why.

The question is would you be interested in a person of either side of the whip, whose first post was in the form of complaining about the people on CM? Why would you be interested or not is what I am seeking.

I know if i was looking, and I am not, they would be automatically x out by me, because I feel it is not putting your best foot forward. I assume looking for someone is frustrating, but I also believe if you start out complaining, it tells a lot about how you view life.

Am curious to see how others see this.

thanks
oceanwynds



DomMeinCT -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:40:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

The question is would you be interested in a person of either side of the whip, whose first post was in the form of complaining about the people on CM? Why would you be interested or not is what I am seeking.



No, I most definitely would not be interested and I'd actively avoid someone who did that.  The "View Forum Posts" button is a powerful thing when you're trying to get a feel for someone beyond their profile.

As far as that kind of behavior, I see it as attention-seeking and immature, coming from someone who has not yet learned that in the long run you don't build yourself up by putting others down (no matter how erudite and educated you describe yourself in a profile).


ETA to fix a typo.



DarkSteven -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:42:52 AM)

First post, last post, or in their profile -whining is a turnoff for me. I want a woman who won't be complaining about her life to me often.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:49:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

First post, last post, or in their profile -whining is a turnoff for me. I want a woman who won't be complaining about her life to me often.



A woman without drama???[sm=hewah.gif] duuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!![8D]

But I agree whining is a complete turnoff, even the whining here on the forum....so I guess..whining in general[:-]



CatdeMedici -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:52:21 AM)

I take into consideration the length of time they have been around CM, if its short--then no, if its long---maybe--but I am not one who tolerates whiners much period.



OmegaG -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:54:47 AM)

People who do this are attempting to manipulate the world around them, or simply draw attention to themselves.

I strongly believe in the "You must be the change you wish to see" matra, people who are trying to conform the world around them to fit their personal idealizations are self-centered and unrealistic.  By coming to the boards whining about a specific action, they are looking for a consenus as a way to sway those who don't conform to their ideals to change.  I'd rather know someone mature enough to realize that diversity will always exist and those that doen't act in a way pleasing to them will always be around, it's how they handle those peope that show their quality.

For those that make these posts as a way to scream "Look at me", it shows me that they don't have anything possitive to highlight themselves with so they tear others down as an attempt to elevate themselves.  I don't recall anytime in history where that has worked outside of politics.

On the whole, I tend to prefer people who are confident enough with themselves to ignore or be amused by behaviour they don't condone or at least possitive enough not to point at it in front of others.



LaTigresse -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 6:57:14 AM)

I wouldn't be interested in ANYone that is primarily negative and whiny. I am a positive person and only want positive people in my life.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:04:23 AM)

Its a tactic that works.  Look how many whine about how "mean" some of us are.  So those people send our poster some notes saying "you are right, some of them are mean" and bingo, a happy couple.

Same with "on your knees bitch"...it works, it doesn't work on everyone but it does work to get the sort of women for whom that works.

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that my buddies who were great at picking up chicks in bars were not "better" than me.  They met the sort of women who got picked up in bars.  I met the sort of women who liked the person I was.

I am still friends with some of those and a very handsome one of those still dates those women, very beautiful, but only tends to last a year or so and never talks to them again.  My experience is a bit different and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Same goes for things like jacked up pick up trucks and harleys, some women like that stuff which is why men do it.



YoursMistress -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:05:31 AM)

What if you looked back at someone you liked and respected with over 1,000 posts to find their very first one and found it to be a complaint?  Would that change your opinion of them?  I think it's best to give one the benefit of the doubt and let time tell the whole story. 

yours



LaTigresse -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:10:46 AM)

Actually, for me, it would be the posts immediately following that would interest me. Knowing the regulars here and how those negative whiners get set right rather quickly. If they learned from it, appologised for being a putz and changed their ways, I would look at them in a very positive light. If they were defensive assholes, I would think even less of them.



sirsholly -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:16:21 AM)

if my first impression of someone is a whiner/complainer i would be totally turned off



MarcEsadrian -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:18:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

The question is would you be interested in a person of either side of the whip, whose first post was in the form of complaining about the people on CM? Why would you be interested or not is what I am seeking.


I would question how much time the individual has on his or her hands, and why it's so important to spread negativity. Granted, there's a lot about what's written on these boards to talk about, but there's no need to be divisive, insulting or a nag.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:20:42 AM)

Hmmmm.  An interesting question.

You know because of a number of circumstances, in the past I would have reserved judgment.  If they are consistently negative or whiney, that would certainly keep me from being interested in them.  But generally speaking, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes it is a matter of their having a particularly rough time, they are having a moment of irritation, they've just been screwed, their meaning gets lost in words rather than tone of voice and other things we experience in real life that we don't experience in online convos, etc.  If they stick to that scenario, then no thanks.  However, if they come back saying "you know, I learned x, y, z from that.  Here's how I participated in the problem, and boy do I want to change it!" then I'd give them more of a chance. 

One thing that I'm picking up from living in a Gorean household is that there is a good reason they say that stranger and enemy are the same.  *bear with me folks*.  Because I tend to be the - I respect you until you show me different - way of being, I am often hurt.  They tend to be the - I'll respect you when you prove you deserve it" way of being.  They have very few close friends, but the ones they have are deep and abiding friendships.  My friendships, my closest ones, have fallen apart recently.  Because I'd never really made my friends prove themselves.  Ten years later, poof! 

So while I still have the "hope springs eternal" thing going on, I've added to that "but reality can sure bite you in the bum".  I find myself due to all the recent hurts to be losing my innocence and as part of that losing my ability to give people more of the benefit of the doubt.

I think it says as much about the people who read the words as the ones that right the words.  So, now while I miss being able to say Yes I'd give them another chance... probably not so much.

well wishes,
sunshine



feydeplume -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:21:52 AM)

quote:

I strongly believe in the "You must be the change you wish to see" matra


I believe that one too, but i try to have balance with that pressure by also having "life is too short to suffer fools gladly" and "gimme my teddy bear".

I am not trying to be glib here, just honest about how we can objectify ourselves and fail to nurture and acknowledge that we are all complex beings.

as for whiners, as SimplyMichael put it, it works and is the paradigm for some people. It is their life and i have an ignore button, so it is all good. I take responsibility for what i choose to let into my head and how i deal with it.

All that said, they would probably not be tops on my "friends with benefits" list



beargonewild -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:23:17 AM)

I'd tend to be a bit wary of the person to see if they would continue to bitch and complain or if they will use their brain and further postings of theirs will be more intelligent. Though first impressions do count, I'd like to keep an open mind at all possible that maybe the poster was having a bad day and just was venting. We all have whined and complained at some point during our tenure here on CM and I don't fault a person if they do bitch about something,  just realize that we aren't all happy people all the time!



hardbodysub -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:25:55 AM)

As long as the complaint appears reasonable, I wouldn't care one way or the other. If it's overly whiny or seems unreasonable to me, that certainly doesn't help, but I don't care whether it's the first post or the umpteenth post. People make too many rash judgments based on first impressions, and a lot of times those first impressions are wrong. The profile matters more to me than whether the first post is a complaint.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 7:47:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Actually, for me, it would be the posts immediately following that would interest me. Knowing the regulars here and how those negative whiners get set right rather quickly. If they learned from it, appologised for being a putz and changed their ways, I would look at them in a very positive light. If they were defensive assholes, I would think even less of them.


DAMN, it isn't often I wish I had written anothers post but I wish I could claim this one!



SassySarijane -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 8:03:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Actually, for me, it would be the posts immediately following that would interest me. Knowing the regulars here and how those negative whiners get set right rather quickly. If they learned from it, appologised for being a putz and changed their ways, I would look at them in a very positive light. If they were defensive assholes, I would think even less of them.


LaT, you took the words right out of my mouth!



MsDDom -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 8:16:12 AM)

honestly, a post is just that...a post. we all have the right to say what we want when we want, and perhaps this "place" is the only outlet they found to do such. yes, yes...it is annoying, but we have the right to skip over it, not answer, or ignore.

i like discussion forums because i like seeing what is on people's minds...if i agree w/ it or not. posting opinions do not necessarily make or break a person w/ me...it is the questions i ask the person one on one that will.

[my 2 nickles]



TreasureKY -> RE: Would you be interest in... (2/19/2009 8:28:45 AM)

Fast reply:

It would honestly depend upon how the post was written.  If it was truthful, clever and written in a manner that displayed a keen sense of humor, I might be impressed.  [;)]



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