Is it wrong? (Full Version)

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subeos -> Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 2:27:28 PM)

[&:]I am wondering if it is to much to have a set of standards for Dom/Masters to go by until you deem them worthy.  And vise-versa.
I had a conversation with one person and he got upset when I told him he must not have read my profile. It states no phone or cyber sex. He gave me his number, but wanted me to have a dildo inside me as I called him. Well, I called him on it and he got very upset. This seems to be the way some act if they do not get their way. And he hen implied that why should I set down rules for him as my Master. Which I replied I never felt that was attainted.
Anyway, another day on Collarme!

~Eos~

~To Thine Own Self Be True~



Amaros -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 2:33:19 PM)

Call me if you want to talk about it, but you better have your hair in pigtails, be wearing a clown nose and a leather vest, and hopping up and down on one leg, or you're not a true submissive.



Amaros -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 2:43:12 PM)

Seriously, no, it is not wrong, in fact, it would be odd, and maybe even alarming to me if you didn't have some standards - until you offer your neck up to the collar, he's just some guy, and unless you're in the habit of submitting to complete strangers, it is hardly unreasonable to expect them to treat you with the courtesy and respect you give any other human being - especially one with whom you hope to share a more intimate relationship.



oceanwynds -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 2:45:05 PM)

subeos
If you cant be true to yourself then how can you be true to a Dom. Dont let anyone tell you that you are or not this or that.

oceanwynds



plushiecat -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 2:45:08 PM)

I dislike the idea of standards as a whole.  What may be to one person's ideals as a standard won't be someone else's.  The guy you speak of is just a twit.  I certainly would have called him on it.  How dare he try to tell you what to do when you haven't even spoken to him yet.  I do wish everyone bothered to read a profile before contacting.  I'm sure there are a great many people on both sides who get tired of the seeming form letters in their emails.  As for setting down ground rules?  Oh yeah.  That is simply called negotiation.  Anyone that tells you otherwise is the one that is wrong.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 2:59:25 PM)

I always use this example: if someone walked up to you in a bar and said that, what would you do? and this is different why?
 
Just because this is BDSM, and just because this is online to start, doesn't mean standards, values and perferences go out the window--contrary to what wankers feel.



Prinsexx -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 4:46:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subeos

[&:]I am wondering if it is to much to have a set of standards for Dom/Masters to go by until you deem them worthy.  And vise-versa.
I had a conversation with one person and he got upset when I told him he must not have read my profile. It states no phone or cyber sex. He gave me his number, but wanted me to have a dildo inside me as I called him. Well, I called him on it and he got very upset. This seems to be the way some act if they do not get their way. And he hen implied that why should I set down rules for him as my Master. Which I replied I never felt that was attainted.
Anyway, another day on Collarme!

~Eos~

~To Thine Own Self Be True~


So you called him and confessed you didn't have a dildo up onside you?
Or you messaged him to say what a prick he was for suggesting the dildo?
I never use dildos so it would have been lost on me....seriously though....oh I just couldn't take a guy seriously if he found fault with my dislike of dildos..... the best line (when I don't hollow an instruction is '''you'll suffer for that...followed by a laugh...there's simply got to be a sense of humour. A sense of humour worked better for me than a dildo).




antipode -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 4:59:37 PM)

quote:

a set of standards for Dom/Masters to go by until you deem them worthy


I don't know that it is a set of standards to expect someone to go by what you wrote in your profile. I wonder why you even bothered calling him?



Amaros -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 5:08:10 PM)

Haha, she lives near me - you'd have to live here to understand - there is not a whole lot to choose from, so you sometimes go outside your comfort zone just to check. It's not a real... evolved culture around here, very parochial, most of the real action here is pretty deep underground, especially for people our age.



Naberius -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 5:25:59 PM)

Standards keep a girl safe at first, but just don't hold onto those standards continuously as you'll smother any chance of real possibilities. Once you feel comfortable with the person your speaking with, you can lower those steps just a tad. By the way, he isn't a Master...titles are earned, not freely given. 



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 5:44:34 PM)

She called him on it... not "she called him".
 
Jewel



LPslittleclip -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 5:45:13 PM)

no it is most certainly not wrong to have standards. as others have noted before the fact that he did not look at your profile first is like many subs who do the same to Dom's. if you don't have standards for yourself no one else will either. it may take you some time to find your one till then you are the only one who can decide what is for you. remember you always have the right to say no.



subeos -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 6:15:08 PM)

[;)]Yes, I did not call him. I called him out on it. I would never used a dildo on the phone with someone who just demanded it...lol... And where he got the idea of me doing that is insane. Have not heard high nor hare of him. It's all good, I am glad

Eos

~To Thine Own Self Be True~



DarkSteven -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 6:38:34 PM)

The fact that he hadn't read your profile is not as telling to me as the fact that he got very upset.  No self control.



Vendaval -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 6:42:08 PM)

Hello subeos,
 
Seems he has 3 strikes against him, #1 not reading or paying attention to your profile #2 making a demand without negotiation first and #3 becoming upset that you pointed out his mistakes.
 
Lots of other people out there, keep looking.



MsDDom -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/19/2009 9:25:24 PM)

no it is not wrong...but, truly, why even worry about posting such when u know that u have ur own criteria...heck, we all do when it comes to meeting or interacting with people.

u know, u always have the right to say "no thx" or just out right ignore them.

dont waste time on foolishness...



sparkyRBF -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/20/2009 4:58:15 AM)

No, it is not wrong at all to have standards.  You should have standards, what LPslittleclip said, "if you don't have standards for yourself no one else will either"

I would think a good Master would expect you to have some standards and hold yourself to them.

Sounds like this guy was just looking for a quickie and got angry when he didn't get his way.  I am curious though, how long were you talking with this guy before he thought he had the right to demand this and demand to be your Master?



bamagirl4u -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/20/2009 5:30:06 AM)

You have standards for a reason..don't ever compromise them for the sake of someone you don't even know.  He sounds like he just needed some help wanking off..keep looking...and let this loser go..Good luck..



WiseCracknSadist -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/20/2009 8:32:10 AM)

You have posers one here, you have posers on here, you college kids who study us like endangered species in a zoo to write a paper ( which could be a whole different thread for discussion). BDSM isn't the mythical closet culture it used to be. You're going to find those who don't understand or don't care about being respectful.

I only hope that you respectfully informed him about your wishes and respectfully fielded his verbal attacks. One, to show him how an adult acts and two, so that you're not a hypocrit.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it wrong? (2/20/2009 8:42:12 AM)

It's not really about "proving worthy" it's just knowing what you need.

If it didn't matter what you needed or wanted, everyone would just become owned by the first person who happened to IM them, right?  But dorks online will try and shame and anger you into wanting their approval and listening to them.



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