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MARIEL -> RE: Questions..right or wrong.. (2/20/2009 11:54:48 AM)
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No we were having a long term relation, and those things came forth in the end, much later on. Yes irl. There were nothing wrong in general, but he was complaining all time about I had to loose weight and asking me all time,how much Ive now lost, and all time I had those probs with the scales etc. So last time we met all this blown up in my face,so to speak. The incident. He was complaining all time too about his own weight and how much he had to loose it,even though he was a bit under his normal weight. But well all his family struggled with weight so Ive heard and some members done gastric by pass surgery, and he wanted me to do it and him too if he couldnt loose it. (well I did not) Genetically Im that kind of person, that have to work hard for it. So no actually I kept a strict diet and exersise. I thought more "Im going to show him". Because for me, it was all about exersise, and then I always used to drop it. A specific type of exersise,aerobics. All the other forms doesnt work.
I that case, was also that I work long hours long hours drive, and when I got home,everythings closed. Well he did know that, but forgot it when it came to weight and scales. So, he didnt believe what I said. Well I admit it sounds a bit strange,but its my truth. Totally weird,you have to lie to be believed.
No I was saving money and he never took it,no prob there. But after the incident he wanted me to put them into an account he opened(did not do it no). Well after that he ignored me instead.
As much involved with weight probs in his family he shouldve known better. All my school years,I was bullied for beeing fat, but I wasnt,I was pretty normal but that did not stopped the bullies. And he knew that. All that story. So that hardened me, so I cant say I was sad because of what he said, I became just more desperate to loose it.
Caught myself in thinking of it all time, exersising like a maniac,not allowing me anything etc. Lucky for me no harm done. But Ive never understood,why he was so obsessed with weight. He told me,I dont want a slave that weigh so much,go loose some weight you xxx ugly names, dont contact me before youve lost some weight xxx,things like that. Loose some weight,I dont care how. I mean,come on, the man were having a longer relationship with me, hes seen me on cam and irl lots of times.
He knew it, and I had not changed, since the last time he saw me! He saw nothing then,only babbled about weight,of course, but nothing there. Suddenly,when he saw the numbers(I got lots of muscles) he freaked. No matter,how thing I am, I always going to weigh a bit more because of that I exersise so much I do,and all my muscles.
Besides that,Im buildt to be robust. So what he would be percieving as fat is normal weight for me. He told me a number I should get myself down to, and that was ten pounds only from my normal weight,my bmi weight. then he said "then you have to loose weight/then you can begin loose weight". Pardon me!
Well I never come to terms with if it was an account with his name,or both. He didnt said so and heard nothing after that,so..
yes,I couldnt believe it,the scale, when I bought the last one, because I can be five pounds lighter one day and next day five more. So it must be cycles. And that he blame on me. Well the scale prob went on a long time, but it was a combination with patience with the scale/not having money to buy a new one/also believeing exersising would help etc and then I finally got another and it started again. But he also knew that, at two times we headed for serious financial probs which made I couldnt focus on those stuff at all. So he knew that too but just... ignore it.
well I admit thats been my prob emotional eating. Also habitual. I manage to break it almost but I fall in sometimes. And now its worse the blame thanx to him.
What I really never get, was he was caring,he was loving, and told me hooow much he loved me etc no end on it!! And then,when the prob with the scale-boom! It just...stopped! Just like that. Snap. Ive never come to terms with that.
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