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Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 2:30:04 AM   
midnightrose


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		Can anyone tell me the differences, if there are any, in the position in the relationship and expectations of behavior in a collared submissive vs a contracted sub? 
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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 4:15:28 AM   
sojourner9


Posts: 22
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline 		A collar is an indication of some sort of long-term relationship.
A contract is something that spells out the details of a long-term relationship.

Most committed Dom/sub couples use some sort of symbol of their relationship - collar, necklace, ring, etc.   Not all of them bother with a written contract.

So, really there is no difference, except that those that use a contract like to use that sort of thing.

(in reply to midnightrose)
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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 4:45:17 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		It's whatever Master says it is.  Master might not want you to wear a collar, but his expectations may be the same without you wearing one as they would be if he put one on you.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 5:44:46 AM   
DarkQc


Posts: 15
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: Montreal, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sojourner9
A contract is something that spells out the details of a long-term relationship.


A contract does not necessarily imply a long-term relationship.  It merely means the terms of the relationship have been written down and formally agreed upon by the parties involved.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 5:52:45 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		To me, a contract is cold and impersonal and not something that should ever be a part of a relationship. You sign a contract for home repairs or to buy a car. A collar is commitment to me. It says I am his and he is mine.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 8:49:16 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

collared submissive vs a contracted sub?


I tend to think that the collar is more of an emotional bond, the contract an agreement with delineated rules. Perhaps that is just my personal perception, though, but I have never felt the least bit inclined to "collar" someone, because that lacks definition to me, it is too close to "I love you". I do contract because that enables me to objectify from the get-go, the sub/slave then becomes a menial worker, someone who must negotiate for rule changes, and who can be fired.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 8:54:51 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: midnightrose
Can anyone tell me the differences, if there are any, in the position in the relationship and expectations of behavior in a collared submissive vs a contracted sub? 

Nothing inherenetly.  All depends on what the relationship decides.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 1:44:34 PM   
sojourner9


Posts: 22
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkQc
A contract does not necessarily imply a long-term relationship.  It merely means the terms of the relationship have been written down and formally agreed upon by the parties involved.


I should have said that I was using "long-term" to imply something more than a single play-date or two.  Something ongoing.   Could be one month, or several years.

Although I suppose you could write up a contract for a single play date, seems like more effort than its worth to me.  Unless that's your thing.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 2:59:14 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Depends wholly on the relationship. 
The idea of a collar pleases me far more than does a contract, though I've not ever had an issue with making and keeping commitments, thus, I like the tangibility and symbology of something wearable rather than the stark lack of abstraction of a piece of paper but each unto their own. 
  Davan

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(in reply to sojourner9)
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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/20/2009 6:47:42 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I learned something here. I just assumed [wrongly] they came together.


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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/21/2009 4:39:09 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sojourner9
I should have said that I was using "long-term" to imply something more than a single play-date or two.  Something ongoing.   Could be one month, or several years.

Although I suppose you could write up a contract for a single play date, seems like more effort than its worth to me.  Unless that's your thing.


Hmm I would love to meet for a cup of coffee, would you mind signing this 'meeting for a cup of coffee date' contract ?

OK, just kidding there.  I have had a contact for a 90-day service relationship, i considered that long term,  It does not have to mean years,.. could be just days or weeks. 

The contract, as others have said, just lay out what is expected and agreed to.

The collar is an outward sign of commitment.

We use a contract for subs who want to come in for a weekend in service or training, but we do not collar them.

Now Sojurner9, about that cup of coffee....


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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/21/2009 6:35:09 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: midnightrose

Can anyone tell me the differences, if there are any, in the position in the relationship and expectations of behavior in a collared submissive vs a contracted sub? 



A Collar is a symbol of ownership; a contract is the written agreement/rules of ownership.

A collar is not my style in the same way marriage and wedding rings aren't my style - I suppose I'm more of a pragmatist than one who places store in symbolism.

I think a contract is useful: good planning is an important part of achieving the desired results and assuming you want to make a statement of intent from the outset, then a contract will do that. It doesn't have to mean that you're a cold-hearted, passionless robot, though I suppose it can do depending on personality. I see it as a means of setting your stall out and asking the other partner: "can you live with this, because this is how it's going to be, don't waste my time and yours by getting yourself into something that you don't really want".

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/21/2009 7:52:53 AM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		When Master T and I first started seeing each other (and I started doing the BDSM stuff with him), he had me read over a contract that he had written.  It just for my safety as well as his and for our relationship.  It just had in it what he expected...had a place for my safe word and signal...and had a place for me to put in my limits.  Master T had a relationship in the past that ended up with the "sub" thinking that what he was doing was abuse.  He just felt that if he had it written down and we both signed it with the agreement that if I wanted him to stop, I just needed to give the word...it would help ease some stress about being new in the lifestyle (as he had been in it for over 20 years). 

I don't think he actually said that I was "his" slave and wanted me to be collared by him until we were engaged to be married.  He had an outward sign that I belonged to him at that time. 

I don't know if that helps you, but I tried :)

(in reply to midnightrose)
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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/21/2009 8:27:01 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sojourner9


A contract is something that spells out the details of a long-term relationship.

Or a short term relationship. I've seen contracts used for 30 day trial periods. I've seen contracts used for 90 day periods when a submissive has contracted themselves to a Dominant to learn a specific skill set.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/22/2009 6:48:34 AM   
MasterBdybldr


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/14/2009
Status: offline 		I usually start with a 90 contract to start with. I do this because I usually have to go and put a collar on lay away and it takes me that long to pay it off...LOL!

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/22/2009 6:55:32 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

To me, a contract is cold and impersonal and not something that should ever be a part of a relationship. You sign a contract for home repairs or to buy a car. A collar is commitment to me. It says I am his and he is mine.

i agree 

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/22/2009 9:07:26 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think a contract speaks to those who enjoy having boundaries written out.  It's concrete and specific and some people find that comforting.  I'm not sure if I could decide between a collar vs. contract.  It would depend on how it was offered, and the meaning behind each.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/22/2009 10:05:05 AM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  To be honest, I associate contracts more with slaves. Contracts mean that relationships have strict, delineated rules. I see a collar more as a sign of commitment (although we could argue the meaning of those all day). As others have said, a contract may be more of a short-term thing.

  That being said, although many here employ the standard BDSM accoutrements, we all assign different meanings to them. I'm a collared submissive, and my collar means that I'm his submissive, I follow his rules, we're in love, all those fun things. We've never used a contract, and I doubt that we would unless we were experimenting temporarily with extremely structured play.
 
 

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/23/2009 1:47:05 AM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I can't help you there..... I don't do contracts.  Although I do believe that you should get a good understanding of what is expected in the relationship, by both parties.

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RE: Collar vs contract - 2/23/2009 1:55:26 AM   
mydomsabstrd


Posts: 1775
Joined: 10/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDarkside357

Although I do believe that you should get a good understanding of what is expected in the relationship, by both parties.
   saves both from alot of misunderstandings and disapointments

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