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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 1:44:02 AM

shanaya

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/29/2007
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I agree that sub drop could very well be the case, I have suffered that before quite a few times, thankfully it passes within a day or two.

It also might be worth considering if maybe deep inside you have come to a point that you want the comfort of having him stay all night, and wanting more . I only am mentioning it due to my own past experience so i could be well of base. I met my first Dominant when I was 40 years old, it is now 4 years later and around a year ago I began to feel that overwhelming sadness whenever we got offline, off the phone or after a visit, I knew there was no future by then, although secretely deep down I hoped there would be ...... that deep down I didn't like to admit it to myself.

He is 42 and has never been married or had a live in relationship with another woman for many, many years. He can be caring, kind, understanding, and loving, yet on the other hand he can be such a perfectionist that no matter how hard you try you will never come up to par, and other traits that a Man ends up with when he only has to think of his own needs for most of his adult life which are not conducive to forming a healthy relationship. Upon realising that my importance to him was nowhere what i would have ever considered acceptable before meeting him ( as the result would be my needs and self value would suffer )

I sat down and realised i was not getting any younger, that i not only wanted a future with someone who would spend the night with me but who i could share my life with daily. After many months of arguing, as i hadn't realised how resentful deep inside i had become towards him, from comments that would wound the most confident woman down to smaller comments said a few years back that had taken on their own life form a volcano of emotions , good and bad came spilling out. I looked back at the time after he left etc that my mood would drop to a new time low, I finally faced that my mood was caused by the empty feeling of loneliness and life passing me by, all so I could have sometime with him.

I had invested so much of myself, I gave him my submission, all I wanted was to please him and I loved him with all my heart but he was never going to give me more. I took stock and removed my leather wristband and cried myself to sleep, it wouldn't be the first night of crying until sleep took over, many more nights followed. I am not yet healed but I'm taking all the right steps , I'm being kind to myself, going out and meeting new people, and spending time with friends, family and doing my artwork and studying.

This my not be the case with you, as it may just well be sub drop but I felt it worth mentioning just in case, as I know it can be so hard to even imagine life without him, that going there in thought can just be to frightnening but imo it is worth it as life stops for no one. My apology if i'm off base and best luck and warm wishes

~shanaya~

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 4:50:42 AM

bamagirl4u

Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
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I think it is normal to feel "low" as you describe, and possibly might even be experiencing sub-drop as many others stated. I tend to think you must be okay with the relationship the way it is, maybe you just need to tell him how you are feeling. If I do not hear from my Sir for a day for whatever reason, I get low too. I am just starting to experience a poly relationship with Him and although we have been friends for years it is new to be under His consideration. All it takes is a quick phone call, text, or IM to send me soaring right back through the clouds..Best of luck to you.

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 8:47:16 AM

MsDDom

Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
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quote:

so i am wondering if the short time we cuddle after a couple hours of sexual play

are u just his sex slave? were roles or the relationship defined in the beginning?
ur feeling are valid if u are not clear...

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 12:37:06 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
You spend a few hours a week with him and the relationship is three years old? I would not be happy with that either.

Same here... I would be miserably unhappy if I couldn't spend a few days at a time together.

Serisa Why does his adult daughter factor into whether you can spend time at his home? Is the home hers or his? If the home is his, and he doesn't let you spend time there, I would say there is a problem. M

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 1:10:17 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

But this morning i dont understand my feelings, i feel low and unloved but i dont know why. i dont feel special or appreciated. i cant understand why i feel like this when i had such a great time. Does any one else ever feel like this and are you able to indentify why it is you feel like it?

Thank Y/you

I do understand your feelings. Sir and I have almost the same sort of arrangement in seeing each other as well as being together for 2 years.I don't know if you tell your Sir you feel this way, but I do. He has a way of taking those feelings and crushing them (as if crushing red grapes in his hand) and building me up. I have spoken with my therapist about this and for me (not every one will feel this way for the same reason), its about my expectations (long term) my needs and wants at the present (sometimes they are in conflict) and the fact that deep inside I long to be present in person, living together. I have shared this with Sir. I also know that at this point in my life, I could not handle my own deep longing.
"I learn by going where I have to go."
             ~~Theodore Roethke from "The Waking"

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 1:14:56 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberpet

Don't just sit there in the dark and complain that the light burnt out. Get off your tail and change that lightbulb.

Such a cool statement. Very graphic. Thanx

"I learn by going where I have to go."
             ~~Theodore Roethke from "The Waking"

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Post #: 26

RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 1:28:30 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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Ok only my opinion but many are really stepping out of place. Not every relationship is gonna move at the same paceor grow at a pace that is equal or perceived as socially acceptable. What about couples who are together for 7 yrs before he "pops" the question?You gonna give them the same advice?   Don't be to harsh to run to judgment that something is wrong. I have not met my Sir's college kids. One of them stays at his place when home.They know about me and me them. His mom knows about me and me her but I have not met her.I do not feel inclined to introduce my Sir to my family either. But they know there is someone named T!!!!!
"I learn by going where I have to go."
             ~~Theodore Roethke from "The Waking"

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 1:40:07 PM

MARIEL

Posts: 73
Joined: 11/12/2008
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well what about one and a half years and talking twice a week, seeing once in a while?

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 3:07:01 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MARIEL

well what about one and a half years and talking twice a week, seeing once in a while?

Mariel, Your posts are way too confusing to me.I can't tell if you are talking about one dude or two dudesand then you begin another thread about first meeting expectations? And another one about cyber sex??I know English isn't your first language but .....And like I said..... I'd like to hear the other side of the story before I jump on your bandwagon. "I learn by going where I have to go."
~~Theodore Roethke from "The Waking"

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 2/21/2009 3:47:11 PM >

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 3:12:45 PM

lovingpet

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Just a quickie thing here, and I will admit to not having read the whole thread. I see two things here. After three years, you perhaps want and need more from this relationship. Additionally, it is quite possible you are experiencing subdrop. There are ways to avoid it in some cases or reduce its impact. If you did not experience it before it could be rooted in your feeling a lack of stability and not sensing a good future with him and/or a physical change in how you respond to play which can come with any number of things from age, life stress, health issues, and more. It is time to talk to him. Lay it all out there. It really is time.

lovingpet

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

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RE: feeling low - 2/21/2009 3:21:39 PM

MARIEL

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there are two posts, so shouldnt be that hard to separate

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