RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent

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RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/5/2006 6:08:28 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

The submissive has control as they can always say no...

I disagree. The only people from whom I will accept equal say and the ability to control 50% of the time are vanilla dates who've not entered into a relationship with me under a specific D/s dynamic (and even that doesn't happen anymore, because I'm not seeking vanilla). I will always listen to and consider my submissive's point of view, but if after listening I still like mine better, mine goes.

So, as a submissive in a relationship, you have the power to stay and submit or walk; you do not have the power to stay and control... I'm not that rigid in my relationships obviously; I'm flexible about most rules, but if I find that we are disagreeing frequently, and you are throwing tantrums for not getting your way a greater percentage of the time, yah gotta go. JMO, M

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(in reply to imtempting)

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RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/5/2006 9:03:31 AM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:

it's the top that's really doing the giving.
He/she may be enjoying themselves, but they are doing the work.

I know many bottoms that would disagree with this, including me.

I am not even sure what you mean. Do you mean in a relationship or in a scene or ?

(in reply to Crazytwice)

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RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/5/2006 10:32:08 AM

Crazytwice

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

quote:

it's the top that's really doing the giving.
He/she may be enjoying themselves, but they are doing the work.

I know many bottoms that would disagree with this, including me.

I am not even sure what you mean. Do you mean in a relationship or in a scene or ?

Maybe I spoke too quickly. My opinion is based on theory rather than experience so there's a good chance I may view this in a total different light 6 months from now.

However, it seems to me it is easier to be managed than to manage; to be controlled than to control. I have been on both sides of the fence in work and family and for me, I prefer the co-pilot role. It's a need that doesnt take much effort to fulfill, as long as i can find someone who will act as pilot. I don't really see submission as a gift, to me the gift would be a dominant that will allow me to appropriately express that submission. I think it takes a great deal of work to be a good dom, both in scene and in relationships. And his/her efforts are completely dependant on how receptive the bottom is to his efforts. That is the paradox- we say top is in control, but not really.

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RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/5/2006 12:27:28 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

The submissive has control as they can always say no...

And so can the Dominant. so who has control? Both? None?

The fact of a relationship... IT Takes two to say Yes... But only one to say No!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 2/5/2006 12:29:03 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/9/2006 4:09:15 AM

UtahGoddess

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
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I agree with Knight.

Ms Sandi

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"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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Post #: 25

RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/9/2006 8:42:57 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

The submissive has control as they can always say no...

====================

i said it before--do i again
the D has as much say as the s..
either one can say no i dont wanna be a part of it

the issue is equal

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

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Post #: 26

RE: The paradox of ownership, control, power, and dissent - 2/11/2006 8:11:47 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtahGoddess
I agree with Knight.
Ms Sandi

Me too.

BTW: Love your sig line, Ms.

The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love"

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

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Post #: 27