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RE: gaining the respect - 2/21/2009 6:05:35 PM

Knite064

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390

thank You for stopping by *bows*

i have a few questions actually:
1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?
2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?
3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

thank You *bows*

1)a)If im asked if im a dominant i always reply that thats for you to decide not me
b)I rely heavily on gut feeling so when i feel the click the respect for her is pretty well building anyhow

2)Really anyway id respect anyone...an act of kindness i witness from her to someone....her thought process ,various traits i admire etc etc

3) If its meant to be it will be regardless of who approaches who but if im interested then yes i will approach

be well

(in reply to fierysub1390)

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Post #: 21

RE: gaining the respect - 2/21/2009 6:20:24 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390
1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?

if there is an expecation of her being mine.. then mutual respect is a must.

quote:

2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?

by recognizing and treating her in away she deserves and expects to be treated.

quote:

3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

I would be indifferent to who approached who first. What matters is the character of the person that I can respect.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to fierysub1390)

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Post #: 22

RE: gaining the respect - 2/22/2009 10:46:30 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390

1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?

I don't see how relations between master and slave would work otherwise. (see my definition of respect below)

quote:

2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?

By submitting themselves as a slave, and then expecting and accepting being treated as a slave. In other words the slave's stated desires and their behavior would be consistent with each other.

quote:

3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

I'd feel confused. What are you trying to say? I think you're asking if it's ok in my book for a slave to aggressively seek to be collared by me, without me expressing interest first. If that's true, the answer is sure, I see nothing wrong with it. A slave may beg for anything (including a collar), as far as I'm concerned. That doesn't mean they are entitled to get it.

My definition of respect is treating someone or some thing with the consideration that they are due. If a slave does not come to accept me as their natural and rightful master, there is no way in hell they will treat me with the respect that is due to an owner consistently. It just won't happen. Similarly, if I don't genuinely see another human as a slave (i.e. an owned human; property; an asset) there is no way in the world that I'll consistently treat them that way. When the "new" wears off of tying them up and playing slappy-spanky, I'll revert to treating them as I actually see them (wife, girlfriend, whatever).

You can apply the above definition of respect to any context, and try it out for yourself. Where "respect" is lacking, it's almost always because the party showing a lack of "respect" doesn't really accept that the person they are disrespecting belongs in the role that they supposedly occupy. If you think about "respect" that way, then all the plattitudes about respect needing to be "earned" and going both ways ect. make perfect sense, even when it comes to relations between master and slave.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 2/22/2009 10:52:43 AM >

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Leonidas

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Post #: 23

RE: gaining the respect - 2/22/2009 11:46:50 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390
1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?

Yes, but I have some objection to the use of the word "respect" in this context. Respect means simply that I don't loath them. I accord them the consideration of a decent human being. That's all.

I think using the word "respect" has a somewhat mythologizing effect.
Keep it simple: is the person decent (honest)? likable? interesting? considerate?
If you want to use words that indicate D/s interests, do so but keep that simple too; do they have whatever dominant qualities or interests make you hot? (Vise-versa for subs.) And so on.

"Respect" , to me, is too nebulous a concept for people who are just getting to know one another.

2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?

It would just be a question of compatibility on two fronts: do we like each other and get along well?, and; Are her ideas, goals, hopes (whatever) in her submission similar to those that I seek or am interested in?
In other words, could we work and play together well?
~ Is there a basis from which to proceed?
That's all.

3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

I have no problem with that. I can't be everywhere, and I don't always see beneath the surface of things right away, myself.

About the interest factor: if someone contacts me online, I'm going to be very cool about it because I don't feel very connected until I've met in real life. Even then, sometimes there's quick and easy attraction, other times things can slowly build, and take more time.

I wouldn't consider that they were trying to gain me as their master: just that they were trying to get to know me better, with that possibility out there, but hopefully kept in realistic perspective.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 2/22/2009 12:15:20 PM >

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Post #: 24

RE: gaining the respect - 2/23/2009 2:08:19 AM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I give a certain amount of respect to anyone I meet, until they prove they don't deserve it. It's trust that someone has to earn from me. Every experience is different to me, as is every slave, I play it by ear.

(in reply to fierysub1390)

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Post #: 25

RE: gaining the respect - 2/23/2009 10:46:22 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDarkside357

I give a certain amount of respect to anyone I meet, until they prove they don't deserve it. It's trust that someone has to earn from me. ...

This is an excellent distinction to make.

The old saw "respect isn't given; it's earned" has always annoyed me.
If one were to substitute "Trust" for "respect" , above, it would make more sense.

(in reply to SirDarkside357)

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Post #: 26