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looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 8:54:26 AM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		when something negative happens in your life isn't it always a good idea to pull your ass up by the bootstraps and get on and see what a lesson you have learned and get on with the things you are looking to succeed at? i am working on this internally and think i have a ton to offer someO/one or the my immediate world. i think today was the slap in the face i needed to get going to accomplish those things. i merely wanted to voice this and thank the people that have been in my corner to support me as i travel to the next journey. there is always a better side of things if one takes the time to realize that things happen for a reason and life isn't always going to be easy. good things come from hard work and hard lessons. i wish everyone the best in their journey through this wonderful life of bdsm.

jstmi
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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 10:47:53 AM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline 		thank you .

i agree with you about finding the positive out of the negative and sometimes thats the lesson we're meant to learn from it.

i used to think that i should be happy all the time, but of course you cant be, sometimes you need the lows to appreciate the highs so now i hit the lows with less pessimissm.

i hope you enjoy youre journey xx

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 2:02:13 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		I've always been a firm believer that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason and we can either learn from what happens to us and move on or wallow in our own misery, waiting for things to change.  Focusing on the negatives that happen in our lives is easy...it's trying to find the positives in a perceived "bad" situation that's the hard part.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 5:23:04 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		just as the dark cannot be without the light so does negative exist with positive. no matter ho sour the grape your appreciation of the sweet grape becomes all the stronger. 

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 5:29:18 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		It is a good practice to attend to both the good and the bad of a situation.  I understand the realistic possibilities and also accept the good things that are there for me to discover.  It is a balance.

lovingpet

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 6:49:16 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Life is a process and rushing to the part where you learn from it, get over it and be so called positive can be a way of smacking someone for what they are going through with some self-righteous anger really. A lot of people are not comfortable with someone crying, angry, scared, they want the person to be over it before they even go through it.

In my opinion let a person go through what they are going thorugh until they shift their perspective naturally. I cannot stand when someone tells someone not to cry. Why the hell not? Jesus why so worried and hateful of emotions?

Learning and hindsight are natural bridges not something you have to cram someones head into. Let people be who they are. There is much to be learned from emotional expression.

Sure try to help someone into a safe private place if they are going off. Hug them, dont tell them to shut up or get over it. It says more about the other person thatn the one going through whatever when they try and shut soemone down. Be there for someone, listen, find some compassion. Stop whipping people into being postive or whatever life lesson you think is the imperitive, it comes naturally.

Geez man, if you feel bad so what?--it is not the end of the world to crawl in a little ball and cry your heart out. Or stomp your foot if you are blinking mad. Better than holding it all in and getting cancer or a heart attack about it later down the track. Yeah sure dont hurt yourself or others but other than that they are feelings not bullets.

Is there any awareness of the denied anger and the avoidance of discomfort of trying to get someone to take a postive outlook whatever?

OP I am not signalling you out I am tired of that sort of swallow it and pull your bootstraps up crap. People are good for the most part and they pull their dam bootstraps up all day and night long. Let folks have a process it wont kill you or them.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 7:09:49 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The most painful, agonizing moments in my life have also been the ones that I learned and grew the most. I don't want to relive them, but I wouldn't trade them either.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 7:56:59 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		It is when you are on your knees and hands, or flat on the floor,[ no not in front of your Dom], that the darkness will totally envelope your body, leaving you completely in the void. It is at this point that you can surrender and stop resisting(hard as hell to do), and then you will see the light through this void you are in. It is hear where we experience the phoenix.

The majority of my growth throughout my life came through the darkest days and nights. It was during these times that the shinning of a silver thread led me back up and on my feet.

Best of wishes on your journey, OP.

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/21/2009 8:24:05 PM   
gumshoe


Posts: 68
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline 		Knowing how to handle the negatives is one of the most important life skills one can learn.

I think that realising that bad things inevitably happen to all of us somewhere down the line can help take out some of the sting and the shock. You keep your eyes open and see it coming. Being aware lessens the shock.

Learning the lessons from others show it's possible to recover from the bad things. Such lessons provide some clues on how to recover and then perhaps move on. Others inspire.

Once you understand the futility of moaning your life away you begin to have your motivation to move on.

Yes focus is key. Focus determines the path we follow. Focusing on the negative will only lead us more downhill. Focusing on something positive to achieve leads to somewhere better.

Improving your lot in life takes self-awareness. This much at least I know for certain.

Knowing the flaws in your character that can trip you up is the first step in overcoming them.

Introspection and self-analysis are not always easy, but are always prudent.

As you know Nietzchse wrote 'what does not kill me makes me stronger.' This is the attitude you need to move on.

Live to win.




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Where there is no imagination there is no horror, Arthur Conan-Doyle.


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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 5:47:40 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It's definitely better not to wallow in self pity which can come very easily to some.  The trick is in giving yourself enough time to heal before pushing yourself too hard.    Take enough time to know that you are physically and emotionally strong, use the time to explore your own needs and expectations, and when you are ready then get back out there and enjoy. 

It can sometimes be difficult to see the bright side of things, even if that is typically your way of thinking.  Some things are bound to hit us harder than others whether they be vanilla or lifestyle circumstances.  If something really hurts there is no shame in taking the time to mourn it.  The shame is when a person doesn't allow themselves to heal and move on.  Hugs to you.

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 5:56:47 AM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		thank you InTonguesslave
that is how i feel about it , hitting the lows without the negative feelings lingering , and yes i am enjoying my journey

be well

jstmi

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 5:59:07 AM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: natasha66

I've always been a firm believer that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason and we can either learn from what happens to us and move on or wallow in our own misery, waiting for things to change.  Focusing on the negatives that happen in our lives is easy...it's trying to find the positives in a perceived "bad" situation that's the hard part.


so true and that makes it all the more important to learn from each low or mistake
thank you for your comments

jstmi

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 6:11:00 AM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

A lot of people are not comfortable with someone crying, angry, scared, they want the person to be over it before they even go through it.

yes and the best thing is to let it out i think and express yourself, have the ability to do so , and be able to talk about it.


quote:

 
Geez man, if you feel bad so what?--it is not the end of the world to crawl in a little ball and cry your heart out. Or stomp your foot if you are blinking mad. Better than holding it all in and getting cancer or a heart attack about it later down the track. Yeah sure dont hurt yourself or others but other than that they are feelings not bullets.

well stated, i always feel much better letting go and being able to let it out

quote:

 
OP I am not signalling you out I am tired of that sort of swallow it and pull your bootstraps up crap. People are good for the most part and they pull their dam bootstraps up all day and night long. Let folks have a process it wont kill you or them.


i actually was saying that to me, but that was after i cried, yelled about it and then wiped the tears and went on. that is when i looked for the positive of the situation.

thank you for all your comments

jstmi

sorry - a newbie here - i messed up the quoting - lol
 
jstmi

 



< Message edited by jstmi -- 2/22/2009 6:17:43 AM >

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 6:31:03 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		although I applaud your resolve, I don't get how this is rocket science--we all only have two choices, die or deal with what life hands us. I am not saying that if xxxx died, you grieve for 5 minutes and then become polyanna, but even in the most extreme, you have two choices--die or deal.  Either choice will leave a lasting impression, its just a matter of what kind of impression you want to leave.
 
 
 

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 7:27:50 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I am currently at the first flush of pain, no agony actually. I cried myself into a permenant headache. I feel a bit lost however it has taught me some really important things.

It has taught me what I need. It has taught me what I need to change. It has taught me that there can be magic. It has taught me that sometimes people think I am perfect just the way I am.

At the moment I am allowing the pain to wash over me, I am almost swimming in it knowing that at the end I will come out of it a stronger person.

Thankyou for this post Jstmi

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 8:02:54 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jstmi

when something negative happens in your life isn't it always a good idea to pull your ass up by the bootstraps and get on and see what a lesson you have learned and get on with the things you are looking to succeed at?



Failing can't be avoided. We are free to choose, which means people will make an unwise decision and be less than successful in their pursuits from time to time.

Yet it is the failing from which we learn most, and it is the failing that makes the successes so sweet. Imagine a world where everything went right all the time? That could only happen in a world without choice, and what a load of old, boring bollocks that would be.

Edited to add: sadness is as much a part of human emotion as joy. You could attempt to wipe that out, of course, by drinking yourself into oblivion or going to the doctor for anti-depressants, but then you'd miss out on the highs of life, because to appreciate the highs you have to experience the lows.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 2/22/2009 8:05:42 AM >

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 11:37:59 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		jstmi,  you have come a long way since I met you... watching you bloom is very wonderful!  However that has happened... whatever pain or joy there is in the process... it has been a good thing!

Hugs!

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 1:48:34 PM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin


It has taught me what I need. It has taught me what I need to change. It has taught me that there can be magic. It has taught me that sometimes people think I am perfect just the way I am.




well said indeed colouredin, i have learned even more about what my needs are , clearly has defined them for me , i will not settle for anything less.

thank You all for these great comments

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 2:04:16 PM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I am currently at the first flush of pain, no agony actually. I cried myself into a permenant headache. I feel a bit lost however it has taught me some really important things.

It has taught me what I need. It has taught me what I need to change. It has taught me that there can be magic. It has taught me that sometimes people think I am perfect just the way I am.

At the moment I am allowing the pain to wash over me, I am almost swimming in it knowing that at the end I will come out of it a stronger person.

Thankyou for this post Jstmi


i love this sentance and its such a powerful statement too so incredibly positive - embracing the pain of growth from something is probably one of the hardest things any of us have to do and at certain points in our lives it feels more acute than at others.

but im sorry youre going through whatever it is - xx

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RE: looking for the positive - 2/22/2009 7:23:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If a person can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, great. But not everyone can. People can need help with alcoholism, depression, grief, etc. And some people need help figuring out what they could do best, which is when Myers-Brigg comes in often administered and explained by a professional.

I'm a great believer in not trying to dig yourself out of a hole, because you can only dig further down. But instead in asking for a ladder to be lowered to you. In other words, there is no shame in talking to a professional whether they are CACs, psychologists, accountants, lawyers etc. There's no shame in hiring an interior designer when you know you don't have an eye for color. Or in hiring a plumber if you are all thumbs when it comes to household repairs.

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