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Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 12:16:54 PM   
newgirlswitch


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline 		The threads of the past few months in ask a mistress have had me thinking about the usual responders and the "flavor" they bring to the table in discussions and debates there...particularly the men who say they are submissive. I sometimes wonder who really is behind the profiles of these men who seem to be perpetually looking for a mistress and commenting on the boards every hour or so. Many are well spoken and their photos may even show someone who is physically attractive, but over time something about their vibe seems off to me.

Sometimes I do wonder if dominant men create alter ego sub profiles for the sole purpose of whinning in the domme forums. They go on and on demanding equality, or crying about inequality and romance centered around mutual respect and a "do this to me so I'll do that for you" philosophy, which totally misses the point of serving a dominant woman and it's really disturbing to see other dominant females taking the bait, too (assuming they are actually women). Is it possible we have a little gang of passive-aggressive dominant men shouting out in these threads under the guise of subs? I've seen a lot of good conversations in this part of the forum get squashed because the guys can't handle an expressed opnion that actually--hold on to your seats people--talks about real servitude to women and the fundamentals around it all.

I see a lot of muddying of the waters in forums like these with a lot of whinning and foot stomping about points raised here...and it's usually the men doing it. Last time I checked, this was "ask a mistress".

Perhaps I am the only one with this POV.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 2:19:22 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have actually had real time experience with a sub who was really a "passive aggressive dominant". He kept coming around and was never happy with the outcome of our dinners or lunches or the "service" oriented things he stated he loved to do and I allowed him to do. After these few and rare occasions, the light bulb went on--finally I gave him the 411, called him on it and he's disappeared from here and the local scene and good riddance.  These days My PAD senses are pretty high and I can smell them a mile off.
 
I don't play tug of war games, I will not be manipulated, placated or mollycoddled in an effort to gain My attention or favor.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 4:54:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I've dated a sub who wanted to be in charge of everything, except the bedroom; and I've dated a domme who wanted me to be in charge of everything, except the bedroom.  What people write as their orientation in their profiles doesn't necessarily mean a damn thing.  You don't have to hunt for fake profiles when there's a much simpler explanation: people have labeled themselves, and your understanding of the label doesn't match their self-understanding.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 5:42:48 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		People are people. And people tend to be of all sorts of variations. That's why when someone identifies himself/herself as a submissive, you can't just leave it at that and figure that person is going to be a perfect fit. But we all know that, or at least we should.

I'm personally a very meticulous submissive, and I'm sure there are those out there who would equate my style with something they don't agree with. I'm generally fine with that. It just means it won't be a good mix or connection.

What I think people sometimes miss when thinking about collarme, is that sometimes the people here aren't really looking for set relationship roles, but might just be looking for a partner with a bit of kink in their toolbox. I'm not one of those, but I certainly understand they're here all over the place. They realize they'll never find what they're looking for on a vanilla meeting site, so this is where they choose to go. But that doesn't mean they have to jump in with both feet first. And I completely understand that, and I think a lot of us forget that or refuse to acknowledge it because we see a hot looking profile of some person and want them to be everything we're seeking as well.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 6:40:08 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes I wonder who is behind a post when clicking on the author reveals "Profile Not Found".

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 7:12:27 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newgirlswitch

Sometimes I do wonder if dominant men create alter ego sub profiles for the sole purpose of whining in the domme forums.


In my experience, dominant men who want to be a pain in the ass on this forum just post to "Ask a Mistress" as dominant men; they don't bother with subterfuge and they aren't shy about their abhorrent views. The passive aggression you're talking about seems to be the hallmark of submissive personalities more often than dominant personalities, although obviously there are exceptions to every rule.

The idea that being "submissive" means that you lose all desire and appetite to exercise power and control in your life is also a false one, imho. Very few people are completely abject about their submission; there are always limits and boundaries. This is why I don't think the men who try to "water down" female dominance would be happier with the dominant role in their relationships. They want to be submissive--perhaps even need to be submissive--but they have boundary issues over and above the norm, which are obstacles to intimacy.

Most of the things that reluctant submissives say and do are forms of "bargaining", designed to mitigate the power of potential partners and make it less scary and threatening to surrender to that power. Essentially, they don't want to be stripped of the armor they are wearing, they don't want to be exposed, they don't want to be weak, they don't want to be vulnerable and helpless. They fantasize about being dominated and/or hurt, but the reality is too frightening to cope with.

I tend to assume that submissives like this, male and female, will be a lot happier when they find someone who can make them comfortable. Knowing that they are safe with their dominant(s) of choice will probably make all the difference. I have to say, though, that I feel really sorry for the ones who are so scared that they are deliberately shutting everyone out, or holding them at arm's length. The strategies are no different for males than they are for females: being abrasive, evasive, defiant, coquettish, argumentative etc. are all things I've seen in both sexes.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 7:48:20 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Sometimes I wonder who is behind a post when clicking on the author reveals "Profile Not Found".


Indeed.

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to hardbodysub)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 8:14:27 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Okay, I am trying to picture Aswad with a submissive profile. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/22/2009 8:30:04 PM   
Observer20


Posts: 25
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline 		Even if they are, so what? It's a discussion forum.You know how boring this site would be if all subs did was say "Yes superior Mistress you are right" all the damn time?

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/23/2009 6:01:43 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

Perhaps the problem here is styles, expectations and goals.

For an example of style: You might be a prim and proper "librarian" in your dominance style; and, a man might find a wild leather goddess to be his preference.  People are what they are; and, like what they like.

As for expectations, my situation is a good example.  I expect a beating, she expects a foot massage (I am getting really good).  I don't expect sexual contact, she doesn't expect house work (my domestic skills... not so good).  As we get to know each other better these expectations will evolve.

Goals come in many forms and some are situational.  My goal for my current situation is to learn about submission beyond the "tie me up and do me/tie me up and be done by me" experiences of my past.  On the other hand, my ultimate goal is to find a "relationship."  I want (see... selfishness) that relationship to be full of love, romance, passion, sex (no appologies), and respect.

I admit it!  Even as a submissive I have wants.  I want to be shushed by that libraran.  I want the Leather Goddess of Phobos.  I want that edgy snowboard instructor... No!.. I'll stop there.

I don't belive that issues apropos of style, expectation, goals or even wants water down female dominance.  I see it more as a matter of "fit."

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

P.S.  If any of you happen to meet a really edgy snowboard instructor with an eyebrow ring, blond dreadlocks and a brown helmet with leopard skil trim...  No!  I'll stop there.

;-)


_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to Observer20)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/23/2009 6:03:39 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Do they have to be blonde dreads?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to SnowRanger)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/23/2009 6:07:13 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		LOL!  The woman I am thinking of has them;. my current "it girl."  We had a lovely conversation about my freakiest first date.  

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/23/2009 8:47:27 PM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		after 37 years..yes you read it right..37 years of searching and finally finding my one in Mistress Cat..why would i want to even think about watering her down???Doesn't make sense to me.

(in reply to SnowRanger)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/23/2009 11:13:34 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		You're not the only one with that POV...   It's not true of most of the male subs posting though IMHO.
I agree that people selecting labels occasionally fail to fully consider the label or "general" perceptions associated with said labels.    M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 2/23/2009 11:14:12 PM >

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
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RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/24/2009 12:51:14 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

newgirlswitch wrote: I see a lot of muddying of the waters in forums like these...

What, you mean things like people accusing annoying subs of being dominant men in disguise and then deleting their own account?



beeble.


_____________________________

Kita's owned slutpet.

(in reply to newgirlswitch)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/24/2009 1:24:52 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Mudfight? anyone??

(in reply to beeble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/24/2009 5:07:40 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		I'll throw a boy in, but I'm not getting mudd on me, thank you very much.  M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 2/24/2009 5:18:40 AM >

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/24/2009 5:12:35 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry Ladies, chezz is far too busy catering to Me, to be involved in a mud fight.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/24/2009 5:19:36 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		That's a little selfish, knowing how much we might enjoy watching, dontcha think?     M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Watering Down Female Dominance - 2/24/2009 5:45:50 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Okay, I am trying to picture Aswad with a submissive profile. 


I... would like to see that.

*runs off before she gets smacked*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 20
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