shanaya
Posts: 24
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline
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I'm really sorry you are going through this. When I began my journey in Real Life I met a "Dom" ( i say that with sarcasm ) I had come away from very abusive Relationships in my past, leaving me with low self esteem, which led to me never being quite sure of my own judgement. I met this guy online, he started doing what you have just been through, due to my skittish nature I pulled away, this resulted in a Real Life meeting, the so called Relationship lasted on and off for a year.
During that year, he put me in Danger pyhsically, at one time an injury resulting in a life threating blood clot, did he answer his phone when I rang ? No , actually he avoided me all together for 2 weeks after that incident. It was shortly after that I found the courage and told him to get out of my life.
The Problem with online imo is yes it can create a strong bond, but the anaminity of online makes us pull down our walls, that are there for our protection. We would never divulge information about how our Physche works to a complete stranger if we met them at a bar, but all to readily when an online Dominant comes across as all knowing and in charge, we fold. We are taught that a Ds Relationship can only survive with transperancy.
So we open up, as he needs information so he can not only Dominate us but that he can also keep us safe by making good decisions. But a Man who will not be there when you need him most, and makes decisions that says "My time is important, but yours is not " is not a Dominant, he is an abuser.
Abuse comes on many different levels, the wife who makes her Man feel like he is useless , is abusing him, the Man who makes his wife feel useless is abusing her ( I talk of non consesual of course ). Although the abuse I suffered was extreme mental and a good dose of pyhsical abuse thrown in, I have learnt that the is abuse mentally suffered is what takes years to overcome .......
I don't know your Dominant, but I strongly advise to write down what you see as being treated well, and tick what on this list he is doing. The Problem is when one can mentally control you, you give him a great deal of Power, as it can be used against you where the knowledge is used to manipulate you in an extremely unhealthy way. These Men or Women tend to have large egos yet very fragile, please don't let anyone feed of your Power to make you feel weak why they feel strong. Ds is a synergy, where you get to wak through life growing together in the same direction, it is healthy not abusive. I know it is hard to see things clearly when in the middle of the storm, but it sometimes help to ask yourself "is this Command reasonable and safe mentally and pyhsically for me" if not you can normally rest assured it isn't.
Do rely on your instincts, i didn't this week over another matter and got burnt. I hope this helps as it is not Gospel it is only my opinion
Take Care
Spend time with those who love you
And stay away from those who hurt you
hugs
shanaya :)
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RE: warning flags in an online relationship - 
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