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DelilahDeb -> RE: Dominating someone you aren't into (3/5/2009 5:37:59 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I've been meaning to come back to this thread. Even thought Aakasha qualified her meaning in her post, I didn't do a very good job of a follow up.
I looked at this question from a topping perspective, and to Me, topping is different than dominating. Topping can stem from a lot of places. They don't necessarily have to be sexual or anything based in physical attraction. When a top and bottom can play well together, even though there isn't anything more to it, a scene can be a really beautiful thing.
There's a gal that I get to play with in Atlanta from time to time. She is an exquisite bottom for Me. When we dance together, we never miss a beat. The melody and the harmony mix in just the right way. There's a quality about it that I can't describe. While I consider her a friend, she isn't someone that I'm "into." She just happens to be a great play partner.
Lady P, you describe the effect very nicely. I was going to start my response with that distinction, because I have subs that I dominate, and bottoms that I top. Friendship is a part of either type of relationship, but I generally only dominate with subs that turn my crank, at least a little.
As for Akasha's original question, there are few situations in which I'll top someone who may be a cipher to me:
- Someone I've only recently or rarely met asks for (say) a flogging, and I'm in the mood to flog someone. This sort of thing happens on occasion, and has led to a couple of budding friendships.
- Someone asks me to demonstrate a technique or toy; as the other week when a couple heard that I'd brought my violet wand one night—I ended up demonstrating the various electrodes, a few techniques, and pleasing them both (I let her try a few passes on her greedy electro-slut). Lots of fun.
- On exactly one occasion, I walked into a party absolutely fuming about a tenant I was having to evict. Steam was positively coming out of my ears. And I tossed out the comment that I was in the mood to find out just how hard I could throw a flogger—any takers? A little later, I was offered the chance to top an acquaintance who was a very heavy flogging bottom; her partner acted as monitor both to the bottom and to me (because I was stretching my own limits), and used the cathartic opportunity—once she was fully warmed up and I had her measure as well as my range in the place we were playing, and then when I moved up to the heavy strokes I used my own flogger, zeroed in on distance and target locations and let my outrage and frustration flow away through those fully released muscles and tendons and joints into the weight of my few dozen strokes. And without ever having played with her before, I got this acknowledged VERY heavy bottom giggling and unsteady on her pins. And by the time I was feeling the effects of my efforts physically, I had drained away all that toxic and useless stress into her trip to endorphin space. It's not something I want to do often, but I have only ever experienced that much unbridled rage about three times in my life. And I was very grateful to her; especially when I saw her a week later and she let me know (with a big grin) that she had had tiny tip bruises show up a couple of days later, distributed all over her back.
In general, however, if I have tried playing with someone and not made an energetic connection, then I'm not going to repeat the experiment.
Lady Delilah Deb
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