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RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 5:33:01 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

on my first trip i went alone and was a bit of a lurker just looking and seeing what was what and it was the following weekend that i got to play. i would suggest having a good meal and possibly a glass of wine to help relax you. remember this is a place full of others like you and will welcome you with open arms. Manny have a snack spread to nibble on.
you will have a Dom to guide you so it wont be bad at all the Dom will make the introduction and then you will follow see the place and meet others. your size and gender is not as important as being yourself and having fun

(in reply to MarsBonfire)

Post #: 21

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 5:58:29 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I've never been to a BDSM club, but I well remember my first play party. I was beyond nervous, just scared spitless, but determined to go. I went with a friend and she helped me calm down. I ended up having a complete and utter blast and meeting a lot of fantastic people, a number of which I now call friend.

I am very very shy and new situations and new places with a lot of new people are very difficult for me to handle. I have to just psych myself up ahead of time and keep in mind all the good experiences of first time interaction and I generally do fine. Still uncomfortable, but I am able to function and to not stay hidden in a corner.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 22

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 6:55:46 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Everyone, thanks so much! It really means a lot. I am excited as I can be one moment and got my stomach in knots the next. I don't think I really expect it to be bad. I think I just know this is a part of things I have never been into before. I know how I get and I have kind of learned to just push through it and deal. It helps to have folks pushing me along though.

I have spent today doing some things to get ready. I wanted a haircut and to fix up a bit. I got a new costume for the occassion. I am polishing up my necklace and anklet he gave me. I will be packing toys and my personal stuff tonight. I plan to rest much tomorrow and get my home in order to be away for the weekend. I am just taking it step by step.

Any suggestions of things I might not know to bring? I am responsible for packing our gear. I don't know if things like aftercare items and other things are provided or if you are expected to bring them. I know it may differ club to club, but I am more interested in being prepared than packing light. Again, thanks to one and all!

lovingpet

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 23

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 7:01:00 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I'd make sure you have what you need for aftercare regardless, such as is there a specific blanket or throw that you use in aftercare and is soothing to you? What about a couple of basic first aid items? What other things do you need for your aftercare? Make sure you have it. I'm a be as prepared as possible person when I go to play parties. There are just certain things I always take with me.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 24

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 7:25:30 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

Hi lovingpet,
I sent you a message with my e-mail address. we live close and most likely the club you are thinking about going to is our local one. I am staff there so if you have questions i can help. We have a newbie night and Dungeon 101 nights where you can see the club with lights on, ask questions, try out equipment, learn how to use stuff, and get comfortable with staff and some regulars. On the 101 nights you can see different play being demonstrated and can ask questions, try it out in a controlled environment, a good way to try something out, like maybe wax or the violet wand.

I have been to several dungeons on the east coast and for the most part they are pretty much the same. A lot of it depends on who you are with as far as rules go, they might have their own rules. At most clubs, and at ours, there are NO rules applying directly to submissives. You do not have to get naked at all, you do not have to use any slave positions, you do not have address anyone by any title. (those things are all up to your Top, Dom or Master)

You do have to be polite and clean up after yourself. You should not interrupt any scenes going on, keep you voice low if nearby one. Do not touch other people toys, bags or things without permission. You can ask to see them and mostly likely the owner will be more then glad to share and show them.

The club's safe words are "red" or just say "safeword" and if the scene is not stopped a staff person will check to see what is going on. Other safe words, or lack of them, are again up to you and your Top.

That is about it.. Oh yeah.. my own club rule..... smile at the staff and thank them since it is not a paid job but something we do to make the club happen.

drop me a note and we can get together to chat about the club sometime soon.

See you there,

~ann goodpet

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 25

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 7:31:09 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

the first play party i went to, i was all super gung-ho until the day of. =p then i got freaked out
but it turned out not to be scary at all. i thought it was going to be absolutely creepy but it was okay
it was alot of fun actually :)
first times for things can always be weird, just try to enjoy yourself :)
i want to go to lots of thigns now because they have such interesting equipment =p hahaha

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 26

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/26/2009 9:13:36 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

Dear lovingpet,

I have to say that goodpet is a dear friend of mine, and she is exactly right. I go to the same club she is talking about, and the people there are great. Don't put undo stress on yourself. Just watch, have fun, make a friend or two. No one says that you have to play on your first visit, unless it's just you or your Top/Dom/Master. I went on a different night to the club in question, no one was doing anything BDSM-ish, but I got to see the place in a non-working setting, which was nice for me to just look around. Now, I go, I play, I get nekked (have since our first scene there), and you're right... no one cares who's naked or who's had kids, who's got a flat tummy, or who's hung like a race horse. It's not what it's about.

I'm writing to you on the flip side. Take care, breathe, exhale, and just have fun.

~ Red

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 27

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 3:10:51 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

Hi loving pet, you are going tomorrow and i wish you a really good time.
I would like to go to a club sometime aswell.
Obviously you are choosing to put your trust in this Dom who will guide you and that is great but i hope you are not setting yourself up for a fall; being really intovert but wanting to be the most badass thing in the club?
I once saw a person dive off the highboard and come down flat on her belly...i am not joking, it was awfull, there really is nothing wrong with watching especially not at first...so if you find yourself chickening out and safewording or whatever...don't feel bad, you can always go to plan B and do some viewing wrapped up in someting soft and warm and try to push your limits the next time.
All the best
Amanda

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 28

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 6:10:06 AM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

Okay - you and Goodpet piqued my curiousity so I had to check some profiles. Since apparently all of you are just south of me, I was wondering if we would end up in the same place. I'm betting not but how cool would THAT be?

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 29

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 6:41:24 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume
I too remember the first time.

I think all of us remember our first time. Doesn't matter if it was last week or goodness knows how many years ago. There's nothing like the first time.

Hehe...with the possible exception of the next time.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 30

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 3:57:21 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Thank you thank you thank you everyone! Lots of support and some who are filling me in on the club and what to expect are just a few of the wonderful things that have come from putting up this thread. I won't be surprised if it turns out that I see some of you at the the club tomorrow! And if my experiences visiting strip clubs is any indication, I will be nervous as I can be, but I usually left with MY bra full of money, sooooo I think just maybe I'm going to have a blast! No dollar bills, but a nice pat on my head for doing something new.

I will tell all.... or most.... or what I think I remember.... or what the government doesn't swear me to secracy about on Monday!!!!! LOL Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

lovingpet

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 31

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 4:49:26 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

If you're a first time member, sometimes you also have to fill out some forms sign some stuff, and they will hand you a list of rules, or the rules will be on the wall, where you walk in and sign the confidentiality forms and stuff.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

First of all, lovingpet, calm down. For heaven's sake, I can almost hear you freaking out through the screen.

Now let's address your points. Believe it or not, you get to chose when you go whether or not to be an introvert. Don't cheat yourself by being one. It sounds like you have someone who isn't going to let you, so that's good.

Next, I don't know where you're going, but most clubs have their protocol on their websites, which will list their dungeon rules.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 32

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 6:04:55 PM

TheLovedOne

Posts: 17
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

Have a great time!.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 33

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/27/2009 6:18:42 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

i have no advice to give you; i tend to eat with my eyes, and even though i'm a masochist, watching someone else get beaten makes me want to cringe, cry, puke, and beat the mother fucker to death that is administering the pain...

in other words, i can't even watch videos of myself being played because it scares the shit out of me even though i like it so much, so i could never go and attend a bdsm party/dungeon/club, not unless my eyes were closed the whole time.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 34

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/28/2009 2:14:12 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

LP - This is going to be GREAT!

What I love about public play is the vast diversity of types of people with one thing in common; they are being true to themselves. They've come out of the closet far enough to socialize with like-minded folks. I consider myself 'average' looking. In the BDSM environment I shine! Not because I get better-looking, but because my heart is open....I can be my whole self.

If I want to watch 'beautiful' people, I can buy porn or surf the net. What I continue to admire, are those people who've let their inhibitions drop away, conquered their 'fears' and 'are connecting' with other spiritual beings. I love watching people exchange energy and connect...whether they are physically attractive has VERY low priority. What I look to see is if they are genuine. Tears are beautiful...again, the shroud of needing to keep oneself closed away and aloof/distant from others drops away.

Your soul is beautiful......these fears....they are just weights you are using life energy to 'carry' around. Let your Friend help you drop them away! Let Him help you become the empowered individual you are! Let him teach you to share the beauty of your unique self!

Treat this as a sacred time; let go of letting this being 'about' you, and be in the present for the experience.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to MarsBonfire)

Post #: 35

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 2/28/2009 6:32:02 PM

MainFragger

Posts: 59
Joined: 2/28/2009
Status: offline

I have yet to go to a club to play, but a few years ago I was photographing Goth events, when someone running a fetish event called Shock Therapy 2.0 (In Philly) asked me to come photograph the event.

I was both intriqued and nervous. I am a voyeur, and I love to watch. But I was concerned that this is such a private thing that most people would not want to be photographed and that I might offend people. I was given one rule..Ask before you shoot. And 99 per cent of the time, I believe I remembered to do just that. And half of that extra per cent, if I didn't its because I'd photographed them before..

Anyway, I was surprised at how many people liked being photographed at an a fetish event. I photographed that event and various incarnations of it over the next 4 years.

I have not photographed the event in close to a year now, and I am considering, for once, going as a patron, and not just a photog.

I admit, I am a little nervous about participating, but at the same time, I look forward to becoming better friends with acquaintances I've mostly kept at a distance over the the past few years.

MainFragger/Brian

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 36

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 3/1/2009 5:58:40 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Again I have to say thank you to one and all for keeping me company, settling my nerves, and supporting my progress. I am very grateful for it. SthrnCom4t, I only wish I had gotten to read your post this time last night. I believe I did what I felt able, but I may have step off that ledge and taken the plunge.

I had a wonderful time at the club, but I did not play. Before everyone fusses at me, there were reasons well beyond just my nerves. Legitimate ones that he took into account. Still I took the ride there, made it in the door without running for it and got to feel some things out, get to know the play space a little bit, and see some wonderful scenes that are all the more absorbing when viewed live and just feet away from you. I got to talk to some of the real life community here on CM and in the process made some people I hope I may call friends. There were things about me that needed confirming on a more base level than I had been able to do up until last night. My emotions, reactions, and my ability to feed of the energy of these scenes was astounding. I fell in love with the players on a level and it had nothing to do with knowing them, how they looked, or what they were doing particularly as much as it did the intensity and the deep needs and emotions that were being nourished.

As first times go, nothing went right except the outcome. He got called into work for about an hour. My costume ripped and I wound up there in street clothes. We got there later than we wanted due to weather and trying to find me a replacement outfit, and, yes, a little bit of stalling on my part. LOL Parking was awful, but worked out after all. We didn't make it to dinner first. I wound up not feeling the best. I didn't play.

It was a wonderful misadventure that brought us closer. I was very upset feeling like I had ruined the whole weekend with all my mishaps and bumps. He reassured me of far more than that I didn't ruin the weekend. He reaffirmed us and the future he has that we are striving for. I couldn't be happier and I am looking forward to going back again as soon as we are able.

That's my update!

lovingpet

(in reply to MainFragger)

Post #: 37

RE: BDSM Club First Timer - 3/2/2009 11:32:57 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

I am so glad you did not land flat on your belly and are happy to take another dive sometime. all the best

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 38

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