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Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 8:01:22 AM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		In your opinion are there vanilla Dom/sub relationships or must there be kink for it to be D/s?
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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 8:09:11 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I feel quite certain there's a continuum.  Lines often blur. 
  Davan

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(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 8:40:40 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I am sure there are as many permutations as there are couples. What do you call D/s?  What is kink?
The only qualified opinion I have about it is the label I give my own relationships.  Whether anyone else agrees or not is irrelevant. 

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 8:45:20 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Aren't Dominance and submission a kink?  As is said in religion....there must be many paths to so great a truth...

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 9:42:38 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, if you look at relationship dynamics of the past they would in modern times often be classified as D/S in that one person calls the shots and punishment can be handed down by someone however many of these relationships centered around household and not sex especially if you look at history prior to the 1800's where marriages were often politicaly aranged.  How this relates to modern times is that many people prefer to live old fashioned lifestyles citing reasons such as stability and religeouse beliefs. In these relationships the foundation of D/S is non sexually based.  If you look on CM and other sites you will find a type of submisive that simply wants to be with a strong person and is willing or feels compelled to include sexuality with it no matter what that sexuality may be. With a lot of subs I have chatted with sex is the icing on the cake not the reason for being that way.

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 9:49:51 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		The kink is control (or lack thereof).  Plenty of people just have a similar structure to their lives out of family tradition, upbringing, and religion.  I guess that's vanilla D/s.  You have a bunch of terms that need operationalization for this to be a productive conversation.

lovingpet

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 9:55:53 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

In your opinion are there vanilla Dom/sub relationships or must there be kink for it to be D/s?


It isn't about kink for me.

It's about consciousness and self-identity.

I think the people involved must be making conscious choices to be dom or sub. Then before I'd call them BDSM I'd want them to identify as such themselves.

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 9:57:43 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		There are so many people who live their lives by, what we kinksters see as, the D/s ethos, a dominant force for good in the household, family members knowing their place in the scheme of life and happily getting on with it together.

It is kink that expands such dynamics and perceptions of others, and also gives those "nilla folk" insights into a different world, that and furnishes them with a whole new vocabulary. Until such expansion has taken place most folks would not see to question the relationship dynamic they had, they would just get on and live life.

There are far more dedicated D/s relationships in this world than meets the eye!

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 10:03:24 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		I would consider my parents' relationship a vanilla D/s but then knowing those two I'm really not that sure about the vanilla part.  My grandparents certainly were vanilla D/s.  Of course that assumes my definition of submission which is "to yeild to the authority of another". 

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 10:27:20 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		D/s is not a new concept and certainly not a "kinky" one. often i feel more "vanilla" than most here because i don't have an interest in kink, i don't have an interest in bdsm activities or "play," i simply believe in the natural order...in the balance and harmony between a dominant man and a submissive woman. my personality and the type of relationship that i would seek out would be the same regardless of the time or place in which i grew up. it just so happens that i grew up in a place and at a time where traditional male-dominated relationships are no longer in vogue, therefore i become part of this fringe "lifestyle" community.

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 10:43:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Go look at takeninhand, HOH  and DD sites and you'll see that most of those types don't do anything involving kink. Spanking there is for coercion and punishment, not for pleasure. They don't glorify bondage or s & m or fetishes.

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 12:09:50 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

In your opinion are there vanilla Dom/sub relationships or must there be kink for it to be D/s?


My grandparents were certainly D/s.  My grandfather was the dominant force in that house and my grandmother did what she could to make his life easier.  It was much the same in my parent's house until my mother got hit by the onset of menopause and the subsequent breaking of her trust with the two incidents occurring within the same time frame. 

It doesn't have to be stated that it is D/s for it to be recognized as such by those living within it or those living outside it but observing it.  Dominance is control and the responsibility that the control brings.  Submission is yielding to the will of another while not checking your brain at the door.  That has nothing to do with spanking or rough sex or tying someone up.  That aspect...BDSM...is separate from the foundational structure and is more of an accessory than a vital part of the structure.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/25/2009 6:48:03 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

are there vanilla Dom/sub relationships


It is an advertising gimmick, like the fat free whole milk

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/26/2009 5:36:49 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		my opionion is that people try making d/s seem like some newfound thing that requires secret codes/handshakes/terminology/training, etc. when in fact, people for thousands of years before us have lived d/s lifestyles, with or without the kink.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/26/2009 6:18:14 AM   
chainedgirl


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		There are people who live D/s lives without the BDSM, you've just got to check out the many religious groups. They might even use corporal punishment for things done wrong, but they aren't into the tie 'em down and beat 'em variety of D/s. There is a family in America called the Duggers who fit this type of family, you can google them because they've had 18 children and there's even a tv show made about them.

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/26/2009 6:45:53 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist
In your opinion are there vanilla Dom/sub relationships or must there be kink for it to be D/s?


I'd say from the outset there is a problem with seeing the people in the world as this flavor or that; it smacks mildly of a sort of lifestyle elitism. The truth is, domination and submission is everywhere in human behavior at varying degrees, as others have noted here. I feel the most rewarding qualities of D/s have nothing to do with the trappings of the power exchange culture at all; it is deeply psychological in nature, if you want to get serious about it. There are those who have the tools in this vein and those who do not; inclusion into the fetish / power exchange lifestyle circle is not a prerequisite at all.

So I would answer no. "Kink" is not needed for there to be D/s.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/26/2009 8:07:47 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		"Kink" is one of many forms of expressing D/s but not the only form.  People can be kinky without D/s; People can enjoy D/s without the kink.  It is not a requirement of any sort that the two must be connected, although many folks here do incorporate kink into their D/s.   I know of many people, however, who live in a D/s relationship and think "kink" is wrong, freaky, unnatural, etc.  This is why I don't particularly like referring to others as "vanilla".  It separates them into a broad and generic category that doesn't necessarily apply.

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 2/26/2009 8:14:42 AM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline
quote:

In your opinion are there vanilla Dom/sub relationships or must there be kink for it to be D/s?


as of late, i have seen many discussion to which a person claims to be in a vanilla relationship, but also bdsm.
i believe that on a very basic level, all relationships have a dominant/submissive aspect to them. equally, i believe that a D/s will have kink in some fashion to be considered the "lifestyle".


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... live Life honestly ...

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RE: Vanilla D/s - 3/11/2009 4:26:01 PM   
magicescape


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		of corse. but it's not as much fun!

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Vanilla D/s - 3/11/2009 5:01:48 PM   
sfdrew


Posts: 124
Joined: 6/15/2007
Status: offline 		I'm about as submissive as they come, and O/our relationship is pretty vanilla most of the time. Life just gets in the way. I think a successful D/s relationship relies on the submissive as much if not more than the Dominate. D/s is not equal to kink, and I believe a healthy D/s couple can operate in a D/s capacity even in the absence of kink. It takes more discipline and sacrifice than whips and chains to keep D/s going 24/7.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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