MistressStephi
Posts: 5
Joined: 2/25/2009
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Thank you for all the wonderful information RealSub, While I don't have time to answer all your questions, I will do my best to answer what I can. And to Deviant, I didn't know my "nitch" I guess would be the word in bdsm, or gor, because in gor, you need to start off as a Slave, before you become anything else if you are female, at least to what I was told. (I was lead in by a man.) I later found out you can start off as a FW, (Free Woman)...but that wasn't until I was already 5 years into what I knew online. I noticed online when we were in group chats, I mainly went to slave when I was under a lot of pressure. It felt good not to be able to think, or do, or have to worry about anything other than pleasing my mistress...but I've no longer felt that same feeling for a while now, and I find this is more of a comfortable fit, but it is still somewhat new to me. I am trying to learn all I can, just as I did when I was a Slave, (Kajira).
First off, are you Gorean in orientation with your girl?
You want advice based upon "our (collectively)" real time experiences.
We then need your feedback !
We discussed this, and decided to keep it bdsm until she learned everything she could about Gorean lifestyle, and then decide...She has been doing really well as far as learning bara, sula, etc. I think that part is overwhelming for her...And yes, based on real time experiences, and I am happy to give feedback when I can.
You fail to say if your "slave" is also "new to this" as she is 39 and you are 27.
If you live together, what kind of time are you asking her to spend with you? This is rather confusing.
I apologize, as the post was long I didn't want to seem to ramble, and I know I neglected to mention bits and pieces. My slave is new to it in r/t, she isn't new to it online, but has only encountered it once online that she has told me of with another, and we were in group chat then.
By time I am asking her to spend with me is the loving part of our relationship, I don't feel I should ask for this, and feel it odd to mention when I want it, because I feel being dom means I should be able to tell her when I need it, instead of asking...but then again I could be confused as to that part. I noticed online, I get a bit irritated when she says she wants me next to her, but when I glance at something she says and I get bothered by it and mention it, she well, says I pretty much shouldn't be looking at it if I didn't want to get mad...but its things like, "Is steph here, and the answer would be always" and I take offense to it because often its the tension associated with it being a bad thing...I don't feel thats right, but its argumentative when I bring it up, like I took it wrong.
As dominant, should you not be in control at all times?
I respectfully ask my Sir for something I need/want and he will allow or give me the reason why not. We do not live together and I must say I do know he is in control.
Yes, I know this and often try to maintain it, but its hard when training her, I don't know how to train on some things without being frusterated...The things that really make me happy, and the things that she tries to do, always make me very happy, and I can see she is trying to be a good slave, but some things are frusterating when it comes to training, like in the r/t instances. I know most don't live together, but we have a relationship that is beyond the Mistress/Slave role, and I think that can be confusing, but we love each other that much.
When you were "being a slave?"
This whole sentence makes for mass confusion in regards to your dominance and her submission.
Yes, it does seem confusing, she and I both didn't like it when I went to playing the slave role, but we found out it was meerly due to family influences, and I haven't looked back to wanting to do that ever again...I just don't feel comfortable in that role, although I thought it made me feel better when things were down, it truly didn't.
So she was once your dominant? And as her "slave" you decided to be the dominant?
We were in a three person chat, in a house thing, and I opted to be their slave, to still talk to her, and be around her because I loved her, but didn't want to cause too many problems. They eventually broke up, and we talked about how we wanted to handle things. She said she didn't like being dominant and in control one bit, but I love being dominant and in control...so we talked about that, other interests, and many other things before making a move completely with each other.
First off, generally women cry when their feelings and emotions have maxed out. Men tend to analyze.
Thank you for letting me know, in the Lesbian world, I am very butch, and I don't understand half of the feminine women when they are really girly and the emotions and the expressions and stuff like that in social situations...I try to, but I don't get along too well with those types. I've often been told I fit in the andro classification.
This is not what you said in the beginning.
I apologize, sexually everything I need is always fulfilled, but if I were to parsay, ask for a glass of water or something like that, there might be some hesitation, but I do what I can around the house when I can, she goes to work, and I stay at home, and do my home business.
When Sir asks for time with him, I response positively.
As dominant, why is it hard? Assertive, compassionate, yet demanding control is difficult? I can only assume once again it is based on your ages and the fact that I get the impression you exchange roles??
Its not hard for me to be assertive, compassionate, and demanding control, I also have a lot of fun with the pain/pleasure aspect. I do believe some of the issues are based on ages, and we extange roles outside the bedroom, and when she isn't wearing her collar. I sort of feel lost then because I am out of my comfort zone and I don't know where exactly I fit in when that happens.
Anyway, I hope this information helps, Let me know if you have any ideas, and thanks for your interest in my post!
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