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Who Buys - 2/26/2009 4:29:33 AM

Aly055

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline

I'm meeting a Dom this coming week and then we're going to see where things go from there. I'm new to the lifestyle and I'm not sure about a few things. This is going to be more of a learning experience than a relationship as he is quite a bit older than me. I'm just wondering if we do get involved, if I should expect to pay for all the toys or should he or should we split it? I'm just not sure what the normal thing is I'm sure it varies from situation to situation.

Post #: 1

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 5:43:14 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

you haven't even had a first date and you're worried about who is buying the toys? how about you ask him over your first dinner? there isn't a rule book that determines these things if that's what you mean.

(in reply to Aly055)

Post #: 2

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 5:51:44 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

Your in college and I seriously doubt you have a lot of exrtra cash. You said he is older, so he should already realize this. If your still with him, in a real time relationship by next christmas, then I would say go ahead and buy him a gift. Maybe even something for his birthday depending on how close you are by then. If he tells you it is up to the sub to supply all the toys, then find a TNG group in your area and start again. Actually it might not be a bad idea to find a group anyway. It is always good to network with others in the lifestyle. Oh and I know you didn't mention this but I am going to throw it in anyway. No, submissives are not expected to have unsafe sex. Make that one of your hard limits and stick to it. If you have any questions, feel free to write on the other side.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Aly055)

Post #: 3

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 5:55:56 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
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I remember when I was new. I think its a good idea to have a few things purchased at least that are for your own use only. Maybe some restraints, nipple clamps,blindfold, gag, a flogger, paddles, or anything that you might find enjoyable. Starting a collection early on worked for me. You will see that they are not cheap, and getting toys here and there will slowly yield to a great collection.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 4

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 5:57:31 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Most toys are a one time purchase. Rope, floggers, crops, etc all fall into this category. I don't reinvent My toy bag for each new sub or from bottom to bottom.

There are some things that should be used only once or only with one play partner. Needles, dildos, and gags are some of these. In other words, anything that has to do with blood or other body fluid.

It's My personal opinion that bottoms should have some toys of their own. That way, you know the items are used on you and you alone.

Depending on what type of play you're doing, you can discuss who will incur the cost with the Top.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 5

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 6:56:41 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aly055
I'm meeting a Dom this coming week and then we're going to see where things go from there. I'm new to the lifestyle and I'm not sure about a few things. This is going to be more of a learning experience than a relationship as he is quite a bit older than me. I'm just wondering if we do get involved, if I should expect to pay for all the toys or should he or should we split it? I'm just not sure what the normal thing is I'm sure it varies from situation to situation.

Engage in mental intercourse first and foremost; that's really where it's at, unless your desire is indeed simply to play and get some "experience" under your belt. Regarding the "toys", I'd imagine that if he is a dominant male with any degree of experience, chances are pretty good he already has basic implements at his disposal. I would suggest focusing upon the internal, not the external things at the moment—unless you are really just thrill riding. Even so, it wouldn't hurt to offer a cautionary note about moving too fast into things and not doing the homework.

(in reply to Aly055)

Post #: 6

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 12:48:07 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You should buy, and keep, any insertables. Health reasons.

If it bothers you to think that he whipped some other girl's pink bits with this crop last week and now he's using it on you then you buy one yourself.

Buy a gym bag and slowly stock it with stuff. You can buy wooden spoons at the grocery store. Hairbrush at the drugstore. Clothespins - grocery store, binder clamps - office supply, clover clamps - sewing store: all kinds of such items can be bought at regular stores for a few dollars each. Listerine strips, chopsticks and rubber bands etc. Pick up stuff and stick it in the bag as you come across things. You'll soon have a useful toy bag filled with very little pain of purchase. And if you buy it, then you keep it which is a good thing should this prove to be more of a casual relationship than a serious one.

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(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

Post #: 7

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 1:11:21 PM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

There are lots of good sites for making your own toys. You can make a fairly nice selection with $20 and a trip to Walmart or Lowes. I like this place: http://www.frugaldomme.com

As for who pays, it all depends on the situation. I have had subs who were not so well off while I have a very comfortable life. I paid for many things but I still expected the sub to provide things that pleased me. In one case she brought fruit and cheese with some little chocolates, while I was on the hook for dinner, wine, entertainment, and some other more expensive items. Overall, I probably contributed 95% of the funds.

She brought what she could afford on her meager budget, but the fact that she remembered that I liked good cheese was far more important to me than the dollars involved. Sometimes it really is the thought that counts.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 3:30:56 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
You should buy, and keep, any insertables. Health reasons.

Quoted for emphasis.

One additional point: be suspicious of a dom who talks as though owning a lot of sex toys means he must be a good Top. The man who looks you dead in the eye and says, "All I need is your consent and my hands," is more likely to know what he is doing than the man who can't stop talking about his flogger collection.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 3:34:57 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
One additional point: be suspicious of a dom who talks as though owning a lot of sex toys means he must be a good Top. The man who looks you dead in the eye and says, "All I need is your consent and my hands," is more likely to know what he is doing than the man who can't stop talking about his flogger collection.

I'm not totally agreeing with this one. I'm pretty damn good with My flogger collection.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 10

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 3:39:18 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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I am sure! But.... I have never seen you post about how awesome your collection is. I have seen you post often about the importance of being honest, how to handle a scene, things like that. My concern is not with having things, but with acting as though owning stuff is the same as owning understanding.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 4:22:21 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I am sure! But.... I have never seen you post about how awesome your collection is. I have seen you post often about the importance of being honest, how to handle a scene, things like that. My concern is not with having things, but with acting as though owning stuff is the same as owning understanding.

Actually, both are true. While what you say about Me here is correct, I've also made posts about some of the cool things in My toy bag. They are some fun thing to *have* but I agree that they aren't things I *need*.

I happen to love the toy bag, but it's never as good as the mind, the hands, the teeth, or any of the other standard equipment that comes with the Lady Pact action figure. LOL.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 12

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 6:10:47 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I'm with the bottoms/subs should have at least some of their own toys crowd personally. I have my own toybag and have been adding to it a little at a time for about 4 years now. I got my first toy a few months before I attended my first event. I am continuing to slowly add to it as I am able to, but it is mine, the toys are mine.

It is one thing to get a toy or three as a gift to your dom or a friend who tops, but I do not feel it is the sub or bottom's place to pay for and supply all the toys for the/his/her dominant or top. I have been given a couple of the toys I have as gifts, but the rest I have found and bought as I am able.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 6:40:37 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

The standard rule is that the one getting inserted into is responsible for buying their own insertibles. I'd get a little squicked by a dom using a second-hand dildo on me, even with proper protection. So, once you've got a nice little collection of things that go buzz and don't, you can work on buying toys. However, this might be better saved for when you are in a relationship: there are many toys that you really, really want to use, but don't want to buy until the Dom "makes you" (at least, there are for me).

As far as floggers and the like, as time goes by, you might amass a little collection. However, I thought letting the much older man buy you things was the point of seeing the much older man (oh, sure, and life experience, maturity, yada yada). Unless you happen to be independently wealthy and he happens to be a bum, then I think expecting him to buy things is pretty fair game.

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(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 14

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 6:53:09 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I wasn't even thinking of or referring to insertables/sex toys when I posted. I'm with you on the squicked over used being used on me. Not happening. Got my own of those too tyvm!!! I think everyone who has them used on them should have/own their own and be responsible for keeping them clean and in working order or replacing as needed.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 15

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 6:59:18 PM

whis31

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

ok just my 2 cents worth, my Master is older and when like dinner even if this slave invites and want's to take Master out HE pays

, as for toys if it's something he wants for me he will either buy it and give it to me or have me buy it and give the money back to me, my toy bay had several things that i had gotten on my own prior to Master, but any thing he buys for me becomes mine

, but the things i buy for him since they are "personal use only" type things, ie a matching set of floggers for valentines day, if he chooses to use these on some one else i don't see the problem as long as he doesn't bloody them.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 16

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 7:28:32 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I remember reading a post on another board about buying toys. Some Masters said that they would never use a toy that a sub picked out themselves; they should be in complete control of that. Others thought that toys were great gifts. There was such a variance that I would suggest talking to the Dom about it and getting his opinion. While you might want to buy your own dildo, for instance, he might want to choose it. He might like a different style of nipple clips.

The toys are typically not the main part of the experience but icing on the cake. I know of a relationship where toys were almost never used yet the sessions were exhilarating for both parties. Take things one step at a time, see if you click in person, and then start thinking toys. You may find that none need to be purchased at all - whether he already has them or you find that the two of you simply don't need any.

_____________________________

(in reply to whis31)

Post #: 17

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 9:42:31 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

It's not about the toys, its about the man who wields them.
I have a bag of doom
More than one and ya know what?
The very best toys I have are my hands and mind.

Ok, now to the question.
Generally speaking, I provide the toys.
I know a number of women who are picky about some things (such as insertables etc...) and always prefer using their own.

If you have to buy them, toys can be mondo expensive.

You can find pretty much anything you need for BDSM at home depot, or at least enough to provide hours of fun.

It's not about what he's doing, its about who is doing it.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 18

RE: Who Buys - 2/26/2009 10:04:27 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

You will also need latex or vinyl disposable gloves, condoms, lube and Ziploc type bags for sorting gear and separating clean items from used/dirty ones. Have a basic First Aid kit and rubbing alcohol for a disinfectant. Pack your own bottled water and some snacks if you are going to be playing too.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Aly055)

Post #: 19

RE: Who Buys - 2/27/2009 1:08:47 AM

Aly055

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for everyone who is responding. I do have a couple of my own toys, and I'm not really trying to jump the gun my mind just like to figure things out way before things are needed. I am a poor college student so this is something for me to know. I will talk to him about this when I talk to him again. I would love to go to a meeting, but I live in Maine and that makes that a rather hard thing so right now I'm just talking online to different people in the area. Thanks again

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 20

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