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RE: collar before love... - 1/22/2006 11:25:37 PM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

This one does not believe that there has to be love between a Master/Mistress and the slave. This is not a vanilla relationship, love does not have to be present.

However - if love does grow out of that relationship - then one thinks that is the 'icing on the cake'. How wonderful, to have the M/s and the love.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 21

RE: collar before love... - 1/23/2006 5:12:03 AM

MistressAlexaS

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

I'm not a sub nor have I ever owned a slave, but from what I've read and people that I have spoken to that have, they have stated that a collar does not equal love. Love is a nice side attraction, but the collar stands for ownership something totally different. In fact most Dom/mes do not love their subs, respect and adore? yes, but love? thats a whole different ballgame.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 22

RE: collar before love... - 1/23/2006 2:39:36 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

love is but a 2nd hand emotion

love dont pay the bills

when the $$$$ runs out...so does the so called love

the day "I" find 1 woman willing to do without..in the name of love...is the day i'll believe in flying pigs

Let the pigs fly then. There have been many times in my lifetime where I have done without in the name of love. There have been a few times I have walked away from wealth in order to pursue my happiness with love.

_____________________________

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 23

RE: collar before love... - 1/23/2006 2:51:15 PM

conan

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Nobody has the one right answer for this one. We all have to find the right answer for ourselves. That's part of the fun. And the challenge.

Women should be obsene and not heard. --- Groucho Marx

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 24

RE: collar before love... - 1/23/2006 5:09:47 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

With my late Master and i, i was very much in love with him and he with me. When after a year he asked me to wear his collar i was estically happy and more than willing.

To answer your question jenny i would not hve accept his collar if i did not love him. Some gitls believer collars hve velrco on them ( i am not saying anyone on here but i have knoen some in the past). My collar had a lick and he and a trusted Mistress had the only keys.

littleone

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 25

RE: collar before love... - 1/23/2006 6:01:45 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

Nobody has the one right answer for this one. We all have to find the right answer for ourselves.

I was collared once mutual trust and respect were established. I accepted His collar as a committment to Him based on this. There was no love at that time as neither of us was interested in establishing a love relationship. This was my first collar and it had special meaning.

That was many moons ago...my thoughts are different now. The committment I am willing to give is ten-fold. I have no idea when or if a collar will be presented...just doesn't seem to matter anymore.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to conan)

Post #: 26

RE: collar before love... - 1/26/2006 4:12:26 PM

meija0414

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline

[/color
I believe it balances out. Believe me on this it has for my master and I.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 27

RE: collar before love... - 1/26/2006 8:26:55 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I don't know since I have never been in this lifestyle before I fell in love with my Dom. We knew we wanted D/s from the beginning and then we fell in love. They are intertwined together for us. I will soon have a collar that says I want to be his forever and after a year, I will have my permanent collar that says we are committed to be together forever.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to meija0414)

Post #: 28

RE: collar before love... - 1/26/2006 9:51:11 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Does the flying bacon come with pancakes? ::chuckles::

Celeste

===================

with all due respect...coz i like ya a lot.......

bah humbug and pushaw...
i aint met that 1 female yet and until "I" do..aint no pigs flyin no where..."I" am the control tower on this one.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 29

RE: collar before love... - 1/26/2006 9:53:48 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Let the pigs fly then. There have been many times in my lifetime where I have done without in the name of love. There have been a few times I have walked away from wealth in order to pursue my happiness with love.

----
m'Lady, i am happy for You..sincerely i am.

but this lil gray duck has no truck with that emotion crap...
love is just a 2nd hand emotion... and love is only for those that have the time to.

i am not in either listing.

take care Ma'am.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 30

RE: collar before love... - 1/26/2006 11:12:19 PM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I was with my Dragon before he collared me. We got married on Dec 5, 2005. I have not had my official collaring ceremony, though I do consider myself collared ~ I have one that I wear.

1st Girl Phoenix

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 31

RE: collar before love... - 1/26/2006 11:21:53 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

with all due respect...coz i like ya a lot.......

bah humbug and pushaw...
i aint met that 1 female yet and until "I" do..aint no pigs flyin no where..."I" am the control tower on this one.

It's all good and I do understand. I didn't believe in it till it happened to me either. I just know that $ will never come between Himself and I, the abundance of it or the lack of it. We've been at both ends and we're still together.

I like you a lot, too. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 32

RE: collar before love... - 1/27/2006 9:01:46 AM

xaria

Posts: 97
Joined: 1/24/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

Well, I've just read this post. I must say that there are many differences in opinion. It really is different from person to person. Just like one Dom might not be great for me, he may be great for someone else. I have had most of my training through online Dominants. When I started, it was just with a trainer, I did a bit of bouncing back and forth between two guys. The second guy guilted me into taking a collar. It took someone breaking the cycle to make me realize I didn't realize the full importance of a collar. Why? I was never taught. My second Dom taught me many things. One of which, is that He couldn't force me to do anything I didn't really want to do. I chose to submit to Him. I chose to follow His teachings. Even a slave choses to give up his/her rights. That is if the safe, sane, and consentual part of BDSM is followed.

I was honestly in love with Him. I still am. Though, first should be trust in my honest opinion. Love generally does follow trust. Not in all cases, but most. If you can't trust your Dominant, then a full collar is a lie, in my opinion. Why do I think that? Well, I have learned that you need to have a level of trust to grow. That is a huge part of being owned. You have to grow and learn as you explore. Too many people I have met seem to think that the lifestyle is all about the sex and playing with the toys. Maybe that's what they get from it, but there is really so much more. Since I begun a year and half ago, I have learned to communicate better what I want, not only sexually, but in my day-to-day life. My husband and I communicate better now than ever before. He isn't my Master, but he knows all I am doing. He has hopes of being my Master after some training.

Anyway, that's basically how I feel, anyway. A collar has turned out to really have a different meaning to everyone. It's really what fits your personal needs and make you happy. For me, it's built first on trust and love, but I know the love isn't something I can demand.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
xaria - Property of Xavier
House of Logos

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 33

RE: collar before love... - 1/27/2006 11:45:52 AM

meridia

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

for me, the two are going hand-in-hand. like a lot of the others on this thread, i couldn't let him be Master without the absolute trust that comes with loving someone. the more i love him, the more i trust him, the more i can submit to him, which lets me love him more, trust him more, etc., etc., lather, rinse, repeat.

i am his, and to others in the lifestyle i will refer to myself as owned, even if i don't have a collar yet. we're working a very subtle collaring into our handfasting ceremony... those who understand will know what's going on, those who don't will just think it's something else we threw in there.

_____________________________

why couldn't you just put the bunny back in the box?

(in reply to xaria)

Post #: 34

RE: collar before love... - 1/27/2006 2:07:30 PM

subtoFemDommes

Posts: 72
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS
In fact most Dom/mes do not love their subs, respect and adore? yes, but love? thats a whole different ballgame.

With all due respect Ma'am, i can't possibly imagine how that survey got taken, and if it did, well, the odds for me (and a lot of others, i'd suspect) are really rotten, forget the fact that D/s puts us in a small minority.

If i truly believed that ... i'd go vanilla and live with it. How can someone possibly accept a collar from someone they don't love? (More about that below).

To accept that, i have to respect, like (yes, that simple word that means so much) trust and share deep-rooted values with someone. i have to be proud of them; want my association with them to be a known factor: to my friends, to my family, to society at large.

And how could i not love that person? And why would i want such an involvement and all of the work and sharing it entails to develop and encompass my being, without knowing i truly love that Domme, yes, but more so, that very Human Being?

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML
love is but a 2nd hand emotion

Love is a lot of things, and like all emotions, a series of neurochemical events designed to sustain the species (more info than you wanted on that topic linked below.)

But like any emotion, one is not totally helpless in it's presence, nor is it simply a byproduct of lust; i can lust (and most certainly have) for a short time, after those whom a more reasoned knowledge of, not only no longer had me lusting for, but not even liking, let alone loving. And i have most certainly loved (and still do) those whom I have no lust for at all. And "I" don't feel one bit confused about that.

Google Search - The Chemistry of Love

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML
the day "I" find 1 woman willing to do without..in the name of love...is the day i'll believe in flying pigs

Well veronica ... Either you keep looking down and thinking that the shadows passing by are very small dirigibles or ... being the service oriented sort you are, you're too busy with the passing pig droppings to do much sky gazing

i've known of so many Women who've done without, to either support or stay with somebody, that i can't imagine where that perspective could have developed. Obviously, you're happy with a Mistress you feel that way about, and like everyone else you're entitled to whatever brings you happiness.

But don't you think that attitude is a bit of a defamation towards Women? Or do you just believe no one, Female or otherwise, would "do without" in the name of love?...

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

Post #: 35

RE: collar before love... - 1/27/2006 3:14:49 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS

I'm not a sub nor have I ever owned a slave, but from what I've read and people that I have spoken to that have, they have stated that a collar does not equal love.
~Alexa

Then I am going to say that you have not had the opportunity for that special dynamic---because you have not, perhaps those you have talked to are "players" where there is an attraction to the partner or the respect you mentioned---but not a love. I say your sample needs to be larger..

quote:

In fact most Dom/mes do not love their subs, respect and adore? yes, but love? thats a whole different ballgame.

I take issue above with the sweeping generalization--for the majority of Dom/mes I know DO love their subs--why can anyone refute that KoM does not love his ladies, or JohnWarren does not love libby?

I for one want love for My sub, along with devotion, adoration and passion--

I want to love him for the man he is
I want to love him for the man that lies inside crying to come out
I want to love the submission that drives his soul
I want to love the boy who lies crying in My arms as the walls tumble down
I want to love him for when the 100th time I crack the lobster claw and he gets splashed
I want to love him when I punish him
I want to love him when I torture him
I want to love him when we walk hand in hand like other couples
I want to love him when he whispers "Mistress"
I want to love him for what I am when I am with him
I want to love him for letting Me be Me
I want to love him for trying so hard to please Me

I want to love the marvelous creature that kneels before Me, naked, collared, free.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/27/2006 3:18:10 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

Post #: 36

RE: collar before love... - 1/29/2006 5:52:17 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I would not want to accept a collar if I did not love Him.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 1/29/2006 5:53:27 PM >

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 37

RE: collar before love... - 2/1/2006 8:46:18 AM

subwithMaster

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline

I am a collared slave and I am very much in love with my Master. He did not collar me until W/we were very much in love. The next sign of my committment and love for my Master will be a branding. My Master is designing a tattoo for me to show the world that I belong to Him, that I love Him with all my heart. So, yes, I believe deep love comes before the collar. Enjoy!

(in reply to doubleLeo)

Post #: 38

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