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Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 11:05:26 AM   
PavlovsSub


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		I am somewhat new to CM and the forums, but far from new to WIITWD, so I have no idea if this has been discussed before.  Then again, I'm sure everything has been discussed before, over and over, but I will take a shot anyway.

Everyone always talks about pushing/stretching/eliminating limits for subs.  What about doing the same for dommes?  Don't dominant women also want to increase their repetoire?  Push past their inhibitions?  When I created this profile, I didn't expect women to be lined up and fighting over me, but I expected to find some who were at least intruiged with the idea enough to talk to me.  Nope.  Nothing.  I don't send rude, graphic, one line, or form messages.  Neither do I write a book.  I send a polite introduction based on her profile, and invite her to read my profile and reply.  And no, I don't write to everything breathing and female.  I have standards in who I will serve.  I only write to women who mention or check off interests that are at least close to mine.  One woman actually contacted me, but she's in Europe.  A couple wrote back and said they were interested, but never wrote again when I replied.  Beyond that, nothing.

I really don't want this post to be all about me.  If anyone wants to read my profile and offer some constructive suggestions, I would be pleased to read what you have to say, but I wanted to address the greater issue.  Don't you get tired of just physical play?  Tie em and spank, tie em and spank em.  I don't know how pro-dommes keep from going crazy.  I'd be tearing my hair out even talking to what passes for male subs these days.  Where is the passion?  Where is the need for that adrenaline rush when you go beyond the physical into deep psychological waters?  Where is the desire to push and stretch yourself?  Because I'm not seeing it.  I don't see it in many domme's profiles, and I'm certainly not getting any feedback when I write.   So I'm asking?  Where is the fire, because I'm ready to get roasted.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 11:20:14 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		To see it there has to be a connection. To be passionate there has to be a connection. The need in me came from my true and honest desire to dominate and dominate I did but I did so for so many years with men that were willing, nothing more. They were just bodies that I could use and use I did to satisfy my craving but it was a selfish act.
I celebrate the fact that I can now show passion in my dominance towards one man and I rejoice that I can show my fire to someone who I am so deeply connected with that I can share the full extent of what I am. At last I can fully satisfy my need, at last its no longer a selfish act but a joint act with someone I love.
How would I do that with someone who just chatted casually to me online? how would I do that with a person that Im not yet connected to?


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(in reply to PavlovsSub)
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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 11:21:00 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PavlovsSub
... If anyone wants to read my profile and offer some constructive suggestions, I would be pleased to read what you have to say, but I wanted to address the greater issue. ...


Just another male sub here, but you asked about opinions on your profile...so....Your profile and journal posts felt overall pretty negative in tone to me.  All the stuff about scat is going to pretty severely limit the people who are interested in you.  I might back that off to just listing it as something that you are curious about and leave it at that...unless it is a fetish or obsession for you...if you will not be able to not ask for it, bring it up in most conversations, etc. then leave it in so you are not accused of misrepresenting yourself.  Post a picture.

Hope that helps you. 


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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 11:51:12 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Would I want to stretch my limits? Yes! Blood and knives used to be a hard limit for me, now it's a favorite, providing the sub is into it. (Want to watch a man squirm? Pull out a stapler.)

Your profile is based entirely on poo, and how amazing you are compared to everyone else. You do not respect the limits held by the dommes you contact, and are dismissive of the women who refuse to play with you. It's a pretty negative profile.

Cut down on all the 'expert' qualifications (no need really, just a pet peeve. How is one an 'expert' on collars, unless they make them?) Post a picture, and talk about something other than poo and your pride, and you might have something there.


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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 12:40:24 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		So, you think you are somehow different than "all the other malesubs" that want to have their fetishes fullfilled?  Really, you decide to tell all dominant women that if we don't want to shit in your mouth we are fakes.  Sounds like the same crap I have heard from other so called submissives that I didn't share a kink with.  Your profile is hostile, rude and frankly childish. You say you are not being bratty and seeking attention well that is how it comes off.

If I was into scat I would not respond to your profile, I don't waste my time on those that have no idea what service is about.  This would be true if your profile listed my favorite fetish and had the same tone as yours does now.  A sub that challenges me to prove I am a "real" dominant holds no interest for because he/she is not a real sub by my definition.  I have no need to prove who I am to anyone, I know and those that have been allowed into my private world know as well. They get there not by challenging me but by taking the time to get to know me as a whole person.

As far as limits being stretched, sure we all have them and they stretch, bend, morph and often times become a pleasure.  Here is my suggestion if you want a shot at finding someone that either shares your fetish or is willing to explore it. Erase your profile and journal - start over.  Drop the hostile challenging tone - because really it turns off the "real" dominants.  If scat is really important to you and you are not going to be happy in a relationship without then mention it, but don't dwell on it and make it the whole of your profile.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 12:44:10 PM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Four months isn't a long time to have been on the site -- it's not at all surprising that you've not found anyone here in that time.  And I'm not sure where you make the link of `I've not found my Domme yet' to `Why aren't Dommes prepared to push their limits?'

One thing to bear in mind is that scat is a really hard limit for an awful lot of people.  Not just a `not really my thing' but a `Ew!  Gross!  Actually, I'm feeling quite ill, now' kind of limit.  You shouldn't expect a lot of flexibility on that sort of thing.  You might find that somebody who was in a long-term relationship with you might become curious about it and want to try it with you but it's not the sort of thing that a complete stranger is going to try out with you on the off chance that it might not completely gross them out.

beeble.


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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 12:44:41 PM   
Chgolostnlooking


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		"I send a polite introduction based on her profile, and invite her to read my profile and reply."  Whether they reply or not is up to them - not us.  I never look at it from the point of view that someone owes me a reply.

But that's me - perhaps this other approach will work for you. 

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 12:46:43 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

You might find that somebody who was in a long-term relationship with you might become curious about it and want to try it with you but it's not the sort of thing that a complete stranger is going to try out with you on the off chance that it might not completely gross them out.

beeble.



Good point. I'm much more willing to stretch my limits with someone whom I've been in a relationship with, than some schmo who've I've just met.


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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 12:52:10 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		No. My limits are my limits for very good reasons, and it has nothing to do with inhibitions, it has to do with common sense and or the out come being more un desirable than it would be desirable.. and I would not welcome pushing them or the suggestion.


I don't believe in pushing subs  limits either. If they don't want to do it then I won't make them. If it's a limit and I absolutely love it, I won't pick them to be my sub then. Same with if they have to many limits I don't agree with. I just won't pick them to play.
quote:

ORIGINAL: PavlovsSub

I am somewhat new to CM and the forums, but far from new to WIITWD, so I have no idea if this has been discussed before.  Then again, I'm sure everything has been discussed before, over and over, but I will take a shot anyway.

Everyone always talks about pushing/stretching/eliminating limits for subs.  What about doing the same for dommes?  Don't dominant women also want to increase their repetoire?  Push past their inhibitions? 

(in reply to PavlovsSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 12:56:59 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have my hard limits and those will not change for anyone. They are HARD limits for a reason and since I am the Domme that is just how it is. I will say that my soft limits have changed very much over the years and that is basically because I have learned and evolved into a much more experienced Domme over the years.

I used to not do knife play mainly because I had no experience with it. But once I got the experience I learned that I enjoyed it. But that was a soft limit for me, scat is a hard limit and one that will not change for me. I do not enjoy scat play, however if other people enjoy it then I say let them have their fun. What others do in their relationships are their business and not mine, just as what I do in my relationship is only between my partner and I.

Believe me out there somewhere is a Domme who is interested in the same thing(s) that you are, you just have to give it time. Some people have waited many years to find the right Domme and unfortunately, some never find her. Life is like that.

Good luck,
~Lashra


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(in reply to PavlovsSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 2:29:37 PM   
Freyathelady


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		First of all, this thread really disappointed me.  I really wanted to talk about domme's pushing their limits. :(  Since I'm still relatively new to this so many aspects of domming expand my limits.  For example breaking of the skin has always frightened me and made me queasy so I'm trying to actively seek out training in piercing as a way of challenging this limit.  Yes, as a professional this is a "job" for me but it's also a kind of spiritual quest.  By stretching my own limits, I feel I'm making myself a better person and I wanted to have a meaningful conversation with other people with similar experiences.
   Instead, what I get is a ranter who's full of himself and thinks he knows better than anyone else.  As far as I can tell, his definition for dommes pushing their limits is them doing what he wants them to do.  The whole needle play is not a hard limit but scat is is utterly rediculous.  Needle play is a huge deal to me.  I'm very nervous about doing it but I want to push through.  Scat on the other hand doesn't phase me.  It's not really even a limit for me at all.  Getting the poop out of my body might be problematic but, once it's come out, if a guy wants to eat it or roll in it, whatever, it's no skin off my back.  My point is that defining specific acts as "limit stretching" and others as not is just arrogant and foolish because it's different for everyone.  Oh, and if this guy wants to try to session with me because I'm ok with scat, he can think again. 


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There is no compromising I don't give a damn
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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 3:03:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		(Using fast reply)

Ok.  So the post boils down to 'if Dommes aren't interested in you, we never push ourselves.'  Sorry, but one doesn't equate to the other.

Just to illustrate the point, I'll say something quickly.  I didn't start out as a sadist.  I actually started out more as a protocol loving person (still am).  I couldn't imagine doing a lot of the things I do today, especially some of the edgier stuff.  In the past couple of years, My play style has grown in leaps and bounds.  Fire, needles, staples to name just a few.  I have new things on the agenda, too.

However, I took these things on at My pace.  Not because My sub demanded it of Me.  Don't get Me wrong.  He was there every step of the way as I learned new things and we had new adventures, but it was when I was ready.




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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 4:03:20 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PavlovsSub

Where is the fire, because I'm ready to get roasted.

quote:





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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/27/2009 4:14:19 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PavlovsSub

Everyone always talks about pushing/stretching/eliminating limits for subs.  What about doing the same for dommes? 


Lol...where did anyone get the impression that we don't stretch ourselves, try new things, or push past our limitations and prejudices when properly inspired?

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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/28/2009 12:36:53 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Should of read your profile first... your looking for a scat curious player!!!



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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/28/2009 1:47:10 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		I have expanded my repetoire, and now indulge in activities I would not have dared approach years ago.

So yes, I have expanded and stretched some of my very own personal limits, always my decision, not submissive requesting/probing or expecting me to



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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 2/28/2009 11:38:43 PM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:
1. My kink is not your kink.
2. WIITWD does not require me to conform to your kink!
3. Harm of any sort is outside my ethical practice: which is only one of the reasons that toilet play is a hard limit for me. That does not make me any less of a domina, although your profile reads like you dominate by your demands.

Have a nice life, and I hope anything you catch isn't catching.

Lady Delilah Deb

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RE: Dommes pushing their own limits? - 3/1/2009 12:54:21 AM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		hmmm.  There are many things that stand out as undesirable in your profile.  One of the more glaring ones is the insinuation that the reader calls  herself  a Dominatrix, but somehow really isn't one .  The thing is that I don't call myself a dominatrix.  Nowhere on my profile is that particular word mentioned. I call myself a woman with dominant desires.  I think what's offensive is the assumption that dominant women claim to be something in order to appear badass to the general public rather than out of their own genuine desires and interests.  If those genuine interests don't include scat, and the woman in question is quite quite sure of that, then I don't think she's  going to feel compelled to answer your challenge.  I always found challenges of this sort to be more irritating than enticing.
While I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to be a submissive man looking for an activity that very few enjoy, I feel that your only hope for success, at least via CM, is to seriously check your tone.  There is a time and a place to vent your anger, and its not in the profile you're trying to attract somebody with.  You know..the old adage about flies and vinegar vs flies and honey...

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Profile   Post #: 18
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