RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance

RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 5:21:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane Being into bdsm doesn't make people, better, stronger, faster, cuter, less judgemental, or more tolerant than others. BDSM is not Utopia. Same kinds of people into bdsm that aren't into it. I shake my head when I see some posts in various boards and groups saying how they thought bdsmers were more tolerant, etc. or how they should be more tolerant of others. I don't feel I need to be tolerant or accepting of everything that happens to be labeled kink or bdsm. Not everything labeled such should be. Ditto... thanks Sassy for saving my fingers some typing

GoodgirlFind -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 5:35:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Like redmagic1 or lordandmaster (domiguy) [are they all the same??] once said and was spot on, not all are alike. Sure the vast majority of people make evaluations and opinions about things, events, or people. I will suggest however, placing judgments against a person with as a purposeful means to level them below you so that you can feel yourself better is passive malice wrapped up in egoism and intolerance and an altogether different sort of judgement. It's a personal thing, you know, CatdeMedici. You can't get the herd to tell you you're okay. Only you know whether you judge people as a way to level them down so that you can better deal with your own feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, inadequacy or insecurity.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 5:58:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici It's a personal thing, you know, CatdeMedici. You can't get the herd to tell you you're okay. Only you know whether you judge people as a way to level them down so that you can better deal with your own feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, inadequacy or insecurity. You know, I think you are bang on here--not just in BDSM but in life in general---we as humans tend to feel if we demean someone, it raises us up in--our eyes, our families eyes--we somehow feel vindicated especially if we hear the "woot woot" of people who agree. Yet in this WIIWD, it should be more accepting one would think and yet, as you so eloquently stated, we still stand on those little portable pedestals.

GoodgirlFind -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 6:16:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici quote: ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici It's a personal thing, you know, CatdeMedici. You can't get the herd to tell you you're okay. Only you know whether you judge people as a way to level them down so that you can better deal with your own feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, inadequacy or insecurity. Yet in this WIIWD, it should be more accepting one would think and yet, as you so eloquently stated, we still stand on those little portable pedestals.[/color] Straw pedestal, real pedestal or projected pedestal, if someone's pedestal <<in your eyes>> is higher or more shinier than yours, don't let yourself fall over. There will always be a shinier, higher pedestal somewhere.

pinkwind -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 6:17:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: Like i say, a judgement is only a negative opinion, as far as those who cannot handle constructive criticism are concerned , and i doubt if that situation will ever change. A judgment is an opinion, we judge something as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I don’t understand where it got its negative connotation, or why we use it only in the context of disapproval. Just sayin’…….. The negative comes from those OP's i have experience of, who look only for validation, and accuse those whose opinion differs to what they want to hear as being judgemental. People should expect to get as many different answers in a thread as there are posters to it, without getting their tiny whities in a bunch when opinions don't match expectation.

catize -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 6:42:20 PM)
quote: The negative comes from those OP's i have experience of, who look only for validation, and accuse those whose opinion differs to what they want to hear as being judgemental. [/quote Yes, I know! But any opinion is a judgment! It’s not just the negative opinions that are judgmental. If I like what you say, if I agree with you, that too is a judgment! And, as I said earlier on this thread, no one has ever complained when they are judged favorably! quote: People should expect to get as many different answers in a thread as there are posters to it, without getting their tiny whities in a bunch when opinions don't match expectation. And (this is a judgment!) I agree that when we post here we should expect and accept that the feedback we get is going to come from both ends of the spectrum.

dreamysubmale -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 6:57:36 PM)
“Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions. It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion.

hamster11 -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 6:59:10 PM)
i agree totally. i am just surprised you didnt get burned at the stake for saying it.

catize -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:05:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale “Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions. It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion. If I agree with you, I have judged what you said. How is that ‘unpleasant’?

dreamysubmale -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:20:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale “Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions. It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion. If I agree with you, I have judged what you said. How is that ‘unpleasant’? Sorry catize, it was a general reply not aimed at you post above. You have agreed with me, yes but you weren't judgmental about my post or the way it’s written or it’s bad grammar or and spelling. (does that make any sense? i’m trying hard to post correct English here…lol)

servantheart -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:32:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan From what I've observed, the level of openness and tolerance varies widely depending on the group. . . The CM forums are full of wonderful, intelligent people who have a lot of experience and good insights to share. It's a pity that CM is also full of the most negative, intolerant, hateful assholes of any of the forums I've experienced. Anytime someone decides to post, it's a craps shoot for the poster -- they might get thoughtful posts or they might get burned at the stake. It seems to depend more on whether or not the poster is well-known and widely accepted as part of the "in crowd" (however one chooses to define the term) than on content. A dead on analysis.

servantheart -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:40:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale “Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions. It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion. If I agree with you, I have judged what you said. How is that ‘unpleasant’? Small hijack here....please tell me how you get the Comic Sans MS font to work on here. That's the one I normally use, but it's not listed as a choice on the font drop down menu [sm=sad.gif]

catize -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:43:54 PM)
quote: Small hijack here.... I type my responses in Word document, then copy and paste.

servantheart -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:47:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: Small hijack here.... I type my responses in Word document, then copy and paste. Thanks! ~Dammit….still didn’t work [:@]~

catize -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 7:51:43 PM)
quote: Sorry catize, it was a general reply not aimed at you post above. You have agreed with me, yes but you weren't judgmental about my post or the way it’s written or it’s bad grammar or and spelling. (does that make any sense? i’m trying hard to post correct English here…lol) Yes I was judgmental! I judged that the content of your post was the important issue, not your spelling. I judged it, as in I formed an opinion about it. Judgment does not necessarily mean a poor opinion. I have judged that your apology was unnecessary! That is a neutral judgment. [:)]

dreamysubmale -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 8:32:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: Sorry catize, it was a general reply not aimed at you post above. You have agreed with me, yes but you weren't judgmental about my post or the way it’s written or it’s bad grammar or and spelling. (does that make any sense? i’m trying hard to post correct English here…lol) Yes I was judgmental! I judged that the content of your post was the important issue, not your spelling. I judged it, as in I formed an opinion about it. Judgment does not necessarily mean a poor opinion. I have judged that your apology was unnecessary! That is a neutral judgment. [:)] I can’t see where you being judgmental. Maybe I misunderstand the word but to me it means (according to MWord thesaurus) critical, negative, condemnatory, hypercritical. And you haven’t been any of that.

LaTigresse -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 8:35:54 PM)
Judgement: A balanced weighing of evidence in the formation of making a decision. Judgemental: Relating to, or dependent upon judgement. Nothing negative in that.

naswitch -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 9:30:51 PM)
It's good to use judgement when exchanging power. Use all the judgement you can muster - and use it before you have given up or taken on the responsibility that is BDSM. But judging someone by some of the criteria you listed isn't about BDSM at all. I am human and I judge what is right for me, not why someone else's kink is "wrong". Am I interested or not? Is this beneficial for me and mine? That is how I handle life; work, play, and relationships.

Evility -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 10:21:26 PM)
One person's preference is another's judgment or prejudice. I saw nothing but a list of preferences in your OP so it's all good.

catize -> RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance (2/28/2009 10:49:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Judgement: A balanced weighing of evidence in the formation of making a decision. Judgemental: Relating to, or dependent upon judgement. Nothing negative in that. Thank you!

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