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Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 4:41:42 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Here is a question mostly for FemDommes and male subs as I am not sure Masters can relate---but we will see--

Needless to say in a FemDom relationship, the TPE swings the other way--She is in charge, he acquiesces to Her--(I am not here to debate slave versus submissive)--She is the one who rules, She is the one who chooses him ( yes based on the dynamic, etc etc)--

T/they both seek an LTR, time comes for commitment--beyond collaring--who proposes? I ask this question as it does take D/s BACK to vanilla and we often talk about bringing vanilla TO D/s--it also touches on what are the "normal" societal practices---yes I know, its what's agreed upon blah blah blah---I once had a slave I interviewed that said " i understand that you will be the one deciding if we get married, i will be told where and when to show up--i also understand that i will give up my name for yours" ( again this is not a debate about slaves versus submissives)--

What I would like to know is how FemDoms and male subs feel about the Total switch in roles ( given that he does not have children who require his name)--

I for One have no issue with proposing--the name change--arrogantly I love, but at My age most people have substantial legal affairs that would need to be changed---but irrespective--

how do You feel?

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 4:52:02 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I read this & had an image in my mind... what better position for a sub, down on his/her knees begging.

My submissive & I are in engaged. We had talked about this many times prior to actually getting engaged so there was no big surprise, "will you marry me?" Neither of us got on our knees.

In this day in age, I really don't think it matters who asks.

As to names... I think we will be keeping our current names. She recently went through major battles to get her current name. Changing it now could lead to a lot of problems. I had a devil of a time after a divorce to get my current name back. I had requested to go back to my maiden name, this was granted & my maiden name was spelled correctly everywhere except where it needed to be on the final papers. It took me about 5 yrs to get this fixed. I do not plan to ever change my name again, marriage or not.

The biggest concern would be... is this union going to last forever?

No one can really answer that. A 50 % plus divorce rate proves this. Name changes add to aliases & additional costs for replacing identification, loss of time to stand in line for identification changes, closing accounts, reopening accounts... the list goes on. Why legally change a sub name if this is what you are discussing when you can already call him anything you wish. (LOL)



< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 1/21/2006 5:02:05 AM >

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 4:54:17 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		smiles, I have visions of him bound and gagged and assuming that muffled cry is a Yes Maam!

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 5:02:26 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Hehe....in Sonnet's whirled? The thought of him asking permission to propose amuses me.



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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 5:03:22 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

happy thoughts!

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 7:07:48 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

What I would like to know is how FemDoms and male subs feel about the Total switch in roles ( given that he does not have children who require his name)--



I'm not quite getting the question. What exactly is the "Total switch in roles" if both have defined themselves as Dom/me and sub?

If I'm a dominant lady (and I always have been), and he's submissive in nature (and by choice)...where is this 'switch' happening?

TPE is not "swinging the other way" as you say...it would've already been that way from the start. There's no 'switch' happening at all, as I see.

K

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 7:12:55 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		My question is related to the typical societal aspect of a wedding proposal from the man and the woman taking the name--where here, does the Domne propose and the male sub take the name of the Domme---? Food for thought

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/21/2006 7:13:48 AM >

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 7:36:12 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		If marriage was an issue I think it will really be a matter of mutuality, talking about it and then making the decision together. I think the proposal is a ritual that can be played with.

I don't think that marriage is necessarily what femdom relationships look toward.

As for names for children, I believe that if the female gives birth to it, it should have her surname -- adopted have dual names. That's me and how things will work around here. Sorry, I invest 40 months of my life to growing a baby its damn well going to have my surname!

Of course if both people have the same surname (for whatever reason) then it isn't her or his surname but their surname.

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 9:17:53 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		My question is related to the typical societal aspect of a wedding proposal from the man and the woman taking the name--where here, does the Domne propose and the male sub take the name of the Domme---? Food for thought

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/21/2006 9:13:48 AM >
=============================================

i do not know.
for me? since i am..AM,.,,the last of my clan...of MY generation...ALL my elders are gone...i have no more male kinfolk..and both parents/all grands..are dead...
no siblings
no kids


i AM the last.......................MY family name is my life..it's my blood line..
when i go..it ends..

no--------"I" could not------------would not................will not...............consent to taking Her name vs my own...

does this help?


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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 10:51:32 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think it matters who asks, but I would prefer that he ask/ or permission to ask , and I would only ask, if he has expressed a desire/need for it... Otherwise, I can go without the "M" word. M

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 11:24:32 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		The more I learn, the more you all scare the hell out of me!

Poor, Poor, Subbies...Or lucky? But not me....geesh......LOL

Peace, Kevin

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 2:00:56 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
...but I would prefer that he ask... permission to ask


This isn't anything I'm personally interested in, but I think the sub having to ask for permission to "pop the question" is the way to go. The poor thing will then have the yummy anxiety of waiting for your answer twice!

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 4:28:01 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		My opinion:

If this is to be a marriage of equals who have a kinky side, I'd say whomever can propose. However, if it's to be a marriage with a 24/7 power exchange, it's common that the sub/slave petitions for the collar...in this case, the wedding ring. The Dom/Master can then either accept the petition or not.

Fire


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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 5:08:56 PM   
seaturtle50


Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

smiles, I have visions of him bound and gagged and assuming that muffled cry is a Yes Maam
!

Must say that i like the sound of that, and of this:

quote:

This isn't anything I'm personally interested in, but I think the sub having to ask for permission to "pop the question" is the way to go. The poor thing will then have the yummy anxiety of waiting for your answer twice!


In my case, i have wondered about this already (although, i do have plenty of time to think about it)

i was married once, but i have never been a husband. i had a marriage, but have not experienced what it is like to have a wife. i now long for this very much, although i am also aware that it may never be for me to experience.

i think that i would prefer if my Goddess were to pose the question to me. In turning myself over to Her at the time of collaring, i have in effect given and surrendered myself to her. Her than asking me to marry Her would in some way be an affirmation of her acceptance.

i also like the (begging) petitioning concept though. i had not thought of it that way before, and that does make sense to me.

So, regardless of who asks, would i ever get to experience being a husband?

turtle

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/21/2006 6:59:01 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

but i have never been a husband. i had a marriage, but have not experienced what it is like to have a wife. i now long for this very much, although i am also aware that it may never be for me to experience
Have you tried being a wife? It might be the role that works best for you? M

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/22/2006 12:56:11 AM   
seaturtle50


Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Have you tried being a wife? It might be the role that works best for you?


No, i have not, and yes, it does sound entirely lovely to me

seaturtle

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/22/2006 9:06:36 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

My question is related to the typical societal aspect of a wedding proposal from the man and the woman taking the name--where here, does the Domne propose and the male sub take the name of the Domme---? Food for thought


A good friend and former co worker of Mine met the Domina of his dreams online. At Her command, he traveled to Her state to meet, get acquainted, and later traveled there weekly to serve Her.

When She offered him a collar, he accepted with humility, pride and grace. He begged permission to remain collared to Her for life. He begged Her permission to ask for Her hand in marriage. She granted it.

He set up an amazingly special session for Her, and later that night escorted Her to a surprise dinner party with friends in the scene. He begged Her to marry him, on his knees, in public, while wearing Her collar. She regally accepted with delight.

When they married, he did indeed take Her last name. For whatever private reasons between them, they chose to live in this state rather than Hers. They bought a new home with combined resources, and She controls everything about their home and business; he serves Her in all things.

The fellow works in law enforcement. He's still bombarded with questions, even years after their marriage, with regard to his taking Her name. When pressed for an answer he just smiles and says it's made him happy.

They live, happily ever after, just a few miles down the road from My home.

If your question is 'where', the answer is 'here'.

Texas Maam


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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/22/2006 10:21:14 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

The fellow works in law enforcement. He's still bombarded with questions, even years after their marriage, with regard to his taking Her name. When pressed for an answer he just smiles and says it's made him happy.



Smart man. Who could argue with that?


Beautiful story, TexaMaam.

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/22/2006 11:00:22 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We've talked about it, and for the four of us, the boys will be asking us. This lets us know that THEY are ready for it, and aren't going to be pressured into say yes just to make us happy if we ask and they aren't quite ready.

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RE: Who Proposes? - 1/22/2006 1:45:53 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

At Her command, he traveled to Her state to meet, get acquainted, and later traveled there weekly to serve Her.

When She offered him a collar, he accepted with humility, pride and grace. He begged permission to remain collared to Her for life. He begged Her permission to ask for Her hand in marriage. She granted it.

He set up an amazingly special session for Her, and later that night escorted Her to a surprise dinner party with friends in the scene. He begged Her to marry him, on his knees, in public, while wearing Her collar. She regally accepted with delight.

When they married, he did indeed take Her last name. For whatever private reasons between them, they chose to live in this state rather than Hers. They bought a new home with combined resources, and She controls everything about their home and business; he serves Her in all things.

The fellow works in law enforcement. He's still bombarded with questions, even years after their marriage, with regard to his taking Her name. When pressed for an answer he just smiles and says it's made him happy.
Beautiful! Much better than any romance novel I've ever read. Thanks for bringing it to us. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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