Advice please? (Full Version)

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FeminineSubBoy -> Advice please? (3/1/2009 2:03:57 AM)

I'm in a brand new relationship, a vanilla one, with a woman who's really submissive and who's only d/s experience in the past has been as a submissive.

We love each other, and haven't discussed any Femdom yet. She doesn't know that I'm way into Femdom either... but I really want to establish a Femdom relationship with her. One where she knows she's incharge at all times, can control and manipulate me, and controls when we have sex and what we do.

I'd like to ease her into it.. but I'm afraid of talking to her about anything official.
I'd be very appreciative of some advice on what I can do to make her feel like the boss (or let her know she already is).

How do these ideas sound so far?
-go down on her as much as possible, while never recieving oral myself.
-focus on her pleasure during sex.
-do lots of little things to please her, massages, making her food, cleaning.
-Always make her feel good about herself.



WyldHrt -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 2:37:08 AM)

Ummm... you can try all that, but if she really is submissive, it may well not work as she probably won't want to be in charge. Your ideas may wake the switchy/ domme side of her, but they may not. My (female sub) advice is to spoil her for a bit then talk to her, be honest about what you want, and see if she's willing to try it on for size.
My ex (nilla relationship) didn't want to be in charge, so he "eased" (read: forced) me into that position over time with no communication, and I hated every minute of it. Not the least was the resentment I felt about being manipulated rather than simply being asked. 



FeminineSubBoy -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 2:41:21 AM)

Thank you.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 2:59:21 AM)

quote:

I'm in a brand new relationship, a vanilla one, with a woman who's really submissive and who's only d/s experience in the past has been as a submissive.


There is a pattern there---and for a reason I'm sure--she may be able to top you on occasion, but if she had the Dominant desire or tendencies, you would have seen it by now.

edited for early morning typo



beeble -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 3:35:12 AM)

quote:

FeminineSubBoy wrote: How do these ideas sound so far?
-go down on her as much as possible, while never recieving oral myself.

When did oral sex become some massive statement of submission?

quote:

-focus on her pleasure during sex.
-do lots of little things to please her, massages, making her food, cleaning.
-Always make her feel good about herself.

You mean you wouldn't be doing those things for your girlfriend if you didn't hope to submit to her?

beeble



iwearpanties -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 3:41:35 AM)

as a sub male i can only add that you dont push this on her . take your time dont just dump every tihng on her at the beinging ease into one thing at a time



YoursMistress -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 9:58:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

FeminineSubBoy wrote: How do these ideas sound so far?
-go down on her as much as possible, while never recieving oral myself.

When did oral sex become some massive statement of submission?

quote:

-focus on her pleasure during sex.
-do lots of little things to please her, massages, making her food, cleaning.
-Always make her feel good about herself.

You mean you wouldn't be doing those things for your girlfriend if you didn't hope to submit to her?

beeble



The Surgeon General has determined that this post/reply should be required reading for all men. 



Lockit -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 10:12:23 AM)

You are in a brand new vanilla relationship, with someone who has been submissive in the past, you are submissive and from another thread about femdom porn and this thread, you have an image of how you wish to submit and want to find ways to guide/manipulate a submissive woman into dominating you, your way and you can't talk openly with her, but you love each other.

Disaster waiting to happen.



GreeneGoddess -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 10:53:56 AM)

Once you start trying to figure out how to manipulate a woman, submissive or otherwise, into being your dominant...then you've completely missed the point.



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 11:02:37 AM)

How old are you, and how old is she? 

Now before I get flamed for making age an issue, it's simply a matter of gaging how much of life you both have yet to experience.

If you are both young, she might have the potential to develop more Dominant traits over time.

What was it about her that attracted you, in the first place?  Give Me some idea and I'll suggest where you go from there.

TexasMaam



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 11:03:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreeneGoddess

Once you start trying to figure out how to manipulate a woman, submissive or otherwise, into being your dominant...then you've completely missed the point.


Can we plaster this all over CM?  I'd much rather see something like this than those nasty porn ads.
 
Oh, and to the OP:
 
How would you feel if your lady friend started trying to "ease" you into taking the dominant role while placing herself firmly in the submissive one without discussing it with you first?  Do you think it would work out very well?  Why don't you try taking on the role of dominant for awhile and see how you like it?  Then come back and tell us how it went.



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 11:19:16 AM)

I haven't heard back so I'm going to assume you're fairly young. (Or you would know there is a real possibility that she will never become the Domme you fantasize about.)

That said, if you love one another, it's not impossible for a submissive to love a submissive long term.  I know Dom and Domme couples who do not submit to one another, they treat each other as peer Dominants.  I know of submissive couples who serve each other and who sometimes go through life longing for a Dominant partner but who choose to remain married to their sub partner.

Approach her first as a submissive to submissive, as 'subby' friends 'playing' with some BDSM ideas, and see how she responds to some introductory play.  It's not unusual to play with some light bondage, some light sensory play, to develop a kink in your mutual sexual appetites.

From that point I would suggest developing the play that interests her, exploring it, sharing the play with one another, if she accepts it that far.

If she recoils and rejects the play from that perspective, you have to decide whether to accept her as a vanilla, submissive persona and analyze your potential for happiness together.

If you find yourself still craving dominance from her, chances are the relationship won't work long term.

You'll know when the time is right to make a decision.

For now, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, love is hard to find.  Explore, gently, and see which direction her interests, or lack of interests, take you as a couple.

TM



MissLaura1973 -> RE: Advice please? (3/1/2009 3:21:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreeneGoddess

Once you start trying to figure out how to manipulate a woman, submissive or otherwise, into being your dominant...then you've completely missed the point.


One of the most true statements I've read on here - thank you.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Advice please? (3/2/2009 1:58:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoursMistress
quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble
quote:

focus on her pleasure during sex.
-do lots of little things to please her, massages, making her food, cleaning.
-Always make her feel good about herself.

You mean you wouldn't be doing those things for your girlfriend if you didn't hope to submit to her?
beeble

The Surgeon General has determined that this post/reply should be required reading for all men.
Damn right!   I bet the divorce rate would immediately decrease by 75%. [:D]   M



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