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Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 5:48:51 AM   
TypeWriter


Posts: 57
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		Not sure if this has been discussed. Not even sure what to search for.

I play it totally straight on the outside. I have short cropped hair, geeky glasses and wear very conservative clothes. Underneath i have tattoos and have been a Dom for almost 18 years. Oh what they don't know.

My little one loves this about me. She can have pink hair and visible tats and be with her straight laced man who is a different person behind closed doors. We both totally get off on it.

Anyone else in a situation like this where they love playing a societal role to be wild in another?

M
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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 6:45:02 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TypeWriter

Not sure if this has been discussed. Not even sure what to search for.

I play it totally straight on the outside. I have short cropped hair, geeky glasses and wear very conservative clothes. Underneath i have tattoos and have been a Dom for almost 18 years. Oh what they don't know.

My little one loves this about me. She can have pink hair and visible tats and be with her straight laced man who is a different person behind closed doors. We both totally get off on it.

Anyone else in a situation like this where they love playing a societal role to be wild in another?

M



To me, dress has little to do with scene. Vanilla or scene is actions and attitudes. I've scened in leather, black t-shirt and pants and three piece business suits. I don't have tattoos and all my scars are nonconsensual.

I suppose it's a case of YMMV


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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 7:04:23 AM   
yun


Posts: 138
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		i completely understand what you are saying TypeWriter Sir! i think it goes along with that whole shock value thing. to be so conservative at work yet knowing who/what you are. knowing how people would probably sit there with open jaws and stare if they knew the real truth. i think there is a bit of power and excitement from it. i am much the same way myself. those that know me see a business woman in a legal field by day..sometimes with such naughty lil things underneath the business suit at work...but they never know that! then to come home, to kneel naked and beg such nasty lil things from my Owner. what can be more thrilling!

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*~lauryl~*
owned property of BLS

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 7:09:26 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Sure and the reverse is true too -- there are plenty of folks who enjoy dressing kinky or like rebels while really being very conventional. For example, a lot of the outlaw bikers you see riding choppers on weekends actually work in banks.

Folks like making fashion statements.

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 7:11:06 AM   
TypeWriter


Posts: 57
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		Is it more than fashion only though =)

Some folks in my life would be stunned by who i really am =)

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 7:49:13 AM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting - i can see the thrill of it, the "secret" life, and the idea of pulling the wool over the eyes of so many. The juxtaposition of you - looking oh so conservative and your little girl looking like a wild child - i am certain that you get more than a few double takes when you're out together. It could be a fun thing.


i have been accused of being a prim school marm - probably as a result of the my speech and dress, well, and because i am. my partner quite enjoys on the dicohtomy, while i just see it as another side of me.

is it more than fashion - for me it is fashion or perhaps a lack of true fashion sense. perhaps for you it is the secret and the thrill of hiding it. of knowing that others do not know you like they think they do which gives you an advantage over them?

i can understand that - one of my sisters knows of my life choices, yes, there would be quite a few surprised people.

it is truly the never judge a book by its cover adage.

newflowers

hey - cool flower choice on the avatar yun

< Message edited by newflowers -- 1/21/2006 7:54:37 AM >

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 3:40:50 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		I am casual/straight, but oh-so-byzantine on the inside. It's been a pleasant surprise to be hit upon by goths and outwardly kinky types, but the real clue is that we're looking more on the inside than the outside.

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 6:33:13 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		The thrill of secrecy is a heady spell to say the least for me.

A thrill runs through me, when in public, something occurs that has special meanings for Us, that only We get, esoteric moments in a dull day brighten my life i share with Him when in the company of others.

I am english with a slightly posh accent, He and I love the juxtaposition from lady to slut. Me particularly

the other day, i was replacing a chain on my bdsm symbol (cant remember what its called) and the young girl behind the counter said, 'thats a beautiful pendant, does it have a special meaning?' i looked up at her face, i knew instantly, this was a fellow submissive. The 'frison' of feeling, was another such moment, but this time, shared with another.

I thoroughly enjoy these moments, they re-inforce how special We are.

little1

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 7:49:24 PM   
typesgirl


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		I think my fav part of the outer conservative look is that when Master and i walk together, he in his sweater and geeky glass and i with my piercings, pink hair, tattoos, black clothing...i can almost see the exact thoughts crossing the minds of the guys who see us. it's as if they know that there is something more to Him if He's able to control such a wild looking chick. They know that He must be getting all the sex He wants even without understanding the nature of O/our relationship. I love making Him proud and especially love it when having me on his arm can make others jealous.
typesgirl

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 7:55:27 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

Sure and the reverse is true too -- there are plenty of folks who enjoy dressing kinky or like rebels while really being very conventional. For example, a lot of the outlaw bikers you see riding choppers on weekends actually work in banks.

Folks like making fashion statements.


I remember one goth type coming up to me and saying in an accent "I like to drink blood" but when I responded that I don't do that anymore because of the risks" he turned green and took off saying "You really did that shit?"

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 8:06:21 PM   
tiki1


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Chattanooga, TN USA
Status: offline 		I am in agreement with yun and TypeWriter. It is always fun to look and dress conservative only have a lover/friend say, "I'm surprised....I've would have never thought you'd be the type of guy....etc." It is part of the thrill; the whole secrecy makes the experience exciting. The other (and bigger) part is the thrill of being discovered. To finally come clean with a lover, to say "Yeah sweetheart, I like the handcuffs..." and see a smile on her face because she'd never expect that out of you is a fun expericence.

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 8:11:48 PM   
wolffeathers


Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline 		Sometimes, people can only show their kink behind doors.

It happens.

I know plenty of people that dress for success, and when they get home, it's leather...if anything.

But, as JohnWarren said, you don't need to look the part to be the part.

Most people look at me, and would think I'm some 80's style rocker (thanks to my hair), or straight laced guy.

But, as my kajira can tell you, I'm anything but straight laced.

Then again, the whips and crops hanging on my wall wouldn't give that away, would it?

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 8:15:34 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Sure and the reverse is true too -- there are plenty of folks who enjoy dressing kinky or like rebels while really being very conventional. For example, a lot of the outlaw bikers you see riding choppers on weekends actually work in banks.
Don't I know it. I went to a club on fetish night, and everyone was dressed beautifully, but I spoke to 3 people who had no idea whatsoever... I did notice one sub who was into humiliation given his state of undress/figure stand in front of me and stare a while, but I couldn't allow myself to laugh to his face or ask him anything.

TypeWriter, I'm generally conservative appearing, except when going out at night, I tend to go with a more sexy look. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 1/21/2006 8:17:11 PM >

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/21/2006 9:58:05 PM   
ScorpGirl444


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		I would think in most cases being "normal" on the outside is necessary for life.
Sure, with friends who share the same interests you can be yourself but in front of people who you work with everyday and need to keep a professional appearance with, it is much harder and in some cases, safer to keep the secret.

I worked in a children's toy store. There was 1 person with whom I confided in (not totally, just parts as she would have flipped out) but because I was a manager in this store and worked with teens, I could not say a word. If only they knew though...
By day I was the one giving the orders and making sure jobs were done (and in some cases people didn't like me because I was too harsh), by night I came home and was the one taking the orders and doing the jobs.

The dynamic in that situation is great. You can be two totally different people.
I confused someone when he asked if I wanted to go out after work and I said, let me call my husband and make sure it's OK. I didn't really explain it but the look on his face made me chuckle a little. He knew me as someone who stood her ground and had a big mouth and then he sees me asking permission to go out after work.

~Scorp~

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/22/2006 9:57:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TypeWriter
Anyone else in a situation like this where they love playing a societal role to be wild in another?

M

Lots of people get a kick out of it being a "secret that no one knows."

I get amused when people make assumptions about me, whether it's that I'm vanilla, whether it's that I'm a naive young thing, whether it's that I don't know something that I know....humans love to laugh at underestimation.

But I don't particularly get off on having a "secret identity." I'd MUCH prefer just being comfortably open to everyone with my relationships and have it not be a big deal.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/22/2006 11:41:29 AM   
funkyoverlord


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline 		I love the fact that my friends and family don't have a clue. Even the playful swats I give my slave in full view of everyone does not give us away. It makes the playtime more exciting and fulfilling. We have select friends who know, but they also do not flaunt it in public. So it is our little secret.

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/22/2006 12:12:21 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

I remember one goth type coming up to me and saying in an accent "I like to drink blood" but when I responded that I don't do that anymore because of the risks" he turned green and took off saying "You really did that shit?"


Thats hilarious

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/22/2006 12:17:41 PM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: funkyoverlord
Even the playful swats I give my slave in full view of everyone does not give us away.


Ermmm... only if i can keep my mouth shut, and not yell out "Hey! OW! Yes, Master!" when You get me.

How many times has that almost come out in front of Mom?

People think i am a prude, but the ones with some sort of insight see the freak in me at some point. However, i feel a great deal of pressure from family and some work friends to be less than submissive. i get really smart assed with Master around my mom, and have found a whole new bossy side of myself since He moved in. It is tough, for me, to have been responsible for myself, my decisions, and my actions for so long, only to have to surrender control. i want to, though. i am just such a creature of habit.

He is opening up my private world (neither BDSM nor vanilla, just my world) to the outside, and while i am not threatened, i am still reeling in it a bit. i want to be wild. He's really domesticating me, though.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/22/2006 3:46:24 PM   
Eir


Posts: 118
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		I am rather open about my intress in BDSM here in Iceland, if I am asked if I am into something different I admit to it... it's not as hard as admitting to your family that you are bisexual and you just go engaged to a girl ;) ... I know I look SOOOOO innocent *whistles*

The first time I really spoke about this was at my faivoret café to some friends of mine and one of then was so shocked that she screamed over the whole café that I was into bdsm... and after that almost everyone that I know here in Reykjavík knows of this.. I see nothing wrong about that.

The only flaw I see is when I am starting a new job I always seem to be the nice girl and then perhaps a few days later I am totally different, people can't seem to be all open to this lifestyle... I can understand that but they shouldn't judge it without trying :)

Care. Eir

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RE: Vanilla On the outside but.... - 1/22/2006 6:17:51 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I am not sure. It used to make me smirk that I had this "double life." It was also almost like shared secret between my ex and me. It was not so much clothing or appearance, but just that I very much compartmentalized my life into professional, family, and sexual. It was more of a privacy thing than anything else. It worked and I was content.

In the past year, that has changed though. Perhaps it has to do with not having a relationships with my secret-keeper. But as I have gotten further involved with un-vanilla things, I have felt more and more of a disconnect from the other aspects of my life. This is especially troublesome on the areas of friendships and relationships.

I feel the need to better integrate the fragments of my life, and yet not really comfortable with that either. I think part of that is because I am not as secure in my own identity as I would like to be. My vanilla friends would ask many questions, and some of them I really could not yet answer. This does lead me to feel isolated from them. I wish I could be open and it be no big deal...but it WOULD be a big deal (at least initially) and I guess I am just not wanting to deal with that at this point.

While I have made many acquaintances and a few friends in the lifestyle, probably none have the depth of my vanilla relationships. Thus in some ways I am more open and comfortable in these group settings, but in some ways it seems very superficial.

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