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When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 11:38:36 AM

lovingpet

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As some may know if they read my update from this weekend, I had a great time my first time at a BDSM club, but not a darn thing went right. My partner and I grew closer as a couple through it and there was no feeling of disappointment from him despite all the flubs and missteps. Things are still just as wonderful as ever, but.........

I went through some real deep feelings of just being a complete screw up. Clutzy, timid, forgetful, bratty. You name it I felt it over what came of these couple of days. I felt like such a huge failure. Everything from forgetting to put something away to not playing at the club. Yes, we are all imperfect creatures. I was racking up the imperfect points over the weekend.

It seemed all my attempts to right things just lead to the next mini disaster. Here is a prime example. I went to get dressed and the seams on my brand new costume ripped badly, so we went to a fetish store to try to replace it. It was closed and bye and bye I knew that was because I had stalled earlier in the evening from being so nervous. The drive to the store and the subsequent visit that wasn't ate even more time and we decided to eat after going to the club. My energy dropped and my health issues kicked in. I was in no shape to play, so we watched. You see what I mean?

All my frustration came to a boiling point the next morning. He had never uttered a single word of displeasure or condemnation for any of the misadventures we had been through. I, however, replayed the mess I felt I had causes over and over again. While we were having a quiet morning together I just started randomly crying. I didn't know why at first, but eventually it came out. I was shocked that it had gotten to me that badly. He had his ways of reassuring me and setting things right.

My question is.... how do you help your partner when he/she has fallen down and can't seem to get back up? How do you comfort and correct mistakes or accidents that occur? I can see this happening in some degree on either side of the whip. I am not talking about intentional misbehavior from a submissive or a dominant who knowingly puts a subbie in harm's way. I am talking about the random real life stuff that happens sometimes. Just curious to hear how others handle such things. Thanks!

lovingpet

Post #: 1

RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 11:42:32 AM

DesFIP

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He holds me when I cry. He takes over for me when I can't function. I try to do the same for him. We're in this together, what else should we do?

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 11:54:33 AM

Lockit

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I think I am the queen of impersonations of Lucy Ricardo! Do I ever know what you are talking about!

Some guys did a really great thing for me when I first went to Colorado. They let me stay with them free of charge, so I decided I would take care of their bachlar pad, laundry and do some cooking. OMG! I decided to wash the shower curtain... they asked if that was okay to do... oh yes, I have done it all the time with my own. So while doing all the laundry, I get locked out of the apartment. I have to go to the manager, make her laugh at my Lucy Ricardo bit and get her to let a stranger, staying there that she didn't know about, in. She said nobody could come up with a Lucy Ricardo story like that unless it was true! But she heard the other bit... the shower curtian. I couldn't explain it... but I sure was wailing Lucy Ricardo style!

I washed that damn thing and out it came with holes all over it! I didn't have the money to buy new one and was really upset, especially since I said it was safe to do! I couldn't believe what happened. So the guys come home and are impressed with all I had done... but I got an almost Lucy Ricardo expression on my face and admitted I had to confess something. They roared! I guess they worked with chemicals that were on the shower curtian and when I washed it, the chemicals ate the curtain.

I used to cry at these events. Now I just jokingly cuss Lucy out and tell her to go home and leave me alone and find a way to laugh about it. And most around me laugh too because you simply can't make shit like that up! Hang in there!

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:00:23 PM

Knite064

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Each and every situation is different but sometimes i laugh sometimes i shrug my shoulders and walk on ,sometimes i accept the fuck ups and move on and sometimes i just accept every rose has its thorns

As for the experience you describe...i read your post before you went , you were both nervous and excited ....dont let a few unfortunate incidents get you downIreally thats all it was)..you enjoyed..he enjoyed....job done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu2DA4I4TGw

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:03:34 PM

LaTigresse

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Laughter........it's a wonderful thing.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:10:33 PM

lovingpet

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giggles at the Lucy reference. It soooo fits me sometimes!

I know you are right Knite and it is quite the same as what he said to me. I took it hard (read that as in tears), but he couldn't have been more pleased with me and how things were going. He was just touched at how much his approval meant to me. Like I said, it all brought us closer. Laugh or cry. Okay, I cried, but then we laughed and laughed! I think that is the important thing. I cried. We laughed. Like Des pointed out, it goes much better when it is handled TOGETHER.

lovingpet

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:15:43 PM

Lockit

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Make peace with your inner Lucy Ricardo... it ain't all bad! hehe

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:18:34 PM

lovingpet

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:44:07 PM

feydeplume

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I think is my new mantra! "I am one with my inner Luci, she is me, I am her, and the fire department guys are kinda sexy"

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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 12:51:01 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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I usually laugh when I do something silly, or back off and do hugs/holding, if it is emotionally charged... Than, I try and remember there are much more important things for me to worry about, so simply calm down, and learn to do better for next time. M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 1:54:42 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
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I want my partner to hold me while i cry...let me lean when i need to...not let me wallow when i might.....
make me laugh and help me find that silver lining........

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We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

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Post #: 11

RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 4:49:25 PM

lovingpet

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giggles at the thought of fey with the those naughty firemen and their hoses

Thanks for all the responses! I guess for me he knows the exact buttons to press to soothe me. What buttons do you hit in each other to help calm the storm when something hasn't gone quite according to plan? Feel free to think of this in terms of something far more serious than my silly little example.

*embraces my inner Lucy and hopes Ricky will spank me good*

lovingpet

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 5:01:13 PM

MsFlutter

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From: East Coast
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I just remain calm and wait for the emotional dust to settle - then the situation gets dissected. Once the debris is sifted through, its a tiny bit easier to figure out how to fix it..or avoid the same thing from happening again.

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"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 7:10:39 PM

pinkwind

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When i have a tearful or quiet period, right about the time my emotional self flagellation really hits the spot, Andy instinctively knows, and the kettle goes on, and a while is spent almost wordlessly drinking the resultant cuppa.

After that while of quiet contemplation he generally turns to me and says "ok, now, start talking...", calm as you like. And i do, he listens 'til it's all out and then comes back with equally calm words of reassurance that i am not an idiot, that i should know better than to think i had upset him, did he look bothered, and when will i ever learn.

About then is when i try and look coy and suitably chasten, and where i fail so miserably that all Andy can do is laugh at me and call me names. Of course, being the good little slave that i am, the relief of tension is enough, why would i even think to give as good as i got? Me?

All descends to laughter and ribbing, with the odd cuddle in passing!

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/2/2009 9:20:51 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

When i have a tearful or quiet period, right about the time my emotional self flagellation really hits the spot, Andy instinctively knows, and the kettle goes on, and a while is spent almost wordlessly drinking the resultant cuppa.

After that while of quiet contemplation he generally turns to me and says "ok, now, start talking...", calm as you like. And i do, he listens 'til it's all out and then comes back with equally calm words of reassurance that i am not an idiot, that i should know better than to think i had upset him, did he look bothered, and when will i ever learn.

That's the difference b/t men and women ~sigh~
Men are strictly logical. We women tend to read everything negative into a situation based on our feelings of worthlessness when there is absolutely no empirical evidence supporting any of it, and my Sir says the exact same thing..."Do I look upset? Did I say I was displeased?". And really, I should know better. I've experienced His displeasure, and believe me He is not gentle in those moments

Sir usually deals with my self flagellation parties with humor and reassurance (though on one occasion He gave me a paddling which turned out to be a great catharsis for me). One time, as I knelt at His feet I told Him I felt like I was going to fall apart. He reached for something out of my visual field and told me not to worry if I did fall apart because "I can fix it!" I looked up to find Him holding a bottle of gorilla glue with a huge grin on His face. I couldn't help myself, it made me laugh (besides, He's warned me enough times that the jokes only get worse if He has to keep going )

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When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/3/2009 6:06:12 AM

lovingpet

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It was the same here. He was nothing but tickled with me and what I had actually accomplished, but the transgressions kept piling up in my own mind. He comforted and soothed. Then came the jokes silliness and tickle fights!

lovingpet

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/3/2009 6:24:59 AM

VeryNastyDom

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Joined: 9/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

My partner and I grew closer as a couple through it and there was no feeling of disappointment from him despite all the flubs and missteps.

I think you just answered your own question. Now would be a good time to tell him how special it made you feel that he still wanted to get closer despite the flubs.

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/3/2009 6:39:03 AM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
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im really worried about failing - its never been a worry of mine before - ive always resolutely refused to feel bad about something ive tried hard with and ended up getting wrong -

but now, now that im letting my barriers down all that resolution and hardass 'dont pick on me im doing my best already!' attitude is sliding down into the redundant bin and leaving me a bit exposed.

not a bad thing - and i loved this thread lovingpet - its very reassuring

. xx

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aka lally

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/3/2009 8:18:04 PM

lovingpet

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Joined: 6/19/2005
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In most areas of life I am just that way. My best is all you get and harrassing me for more is a good way to lose a limb! It is different inside these relationships. I expect so much out of myself. It is not that I think somehow I am suddenly to become perfect, but I just want to be. I don't want to forget this or that or not be able to accomplish something. I hate not being able to just absolutely do and be.

He holds me up in those imperfect moments and does not punish me for simply being human. Willful defiance would be a different story, but I just don't play that way. He knows my limitations well and pardons my real life frailties. I am appreciative of his acceptance of a well meaning, yet imperfect, girl like myself. He doesn't get into discipline for minor and unintended infractions. I don't do well with that. He is a special man for understanding me and getting me that way.

I happen to be a pretty lucky girl!

lovingpet aka Lucy

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

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RE: When We All Fall Down - 3/4/2009 11:01:15 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Do Me a favor. I want you to take a look at the way you titled this thread. I'd be willing to bet that ALL of us have 'fallen down' at one time or another. It comes along with our own imperfections and being part of the human race.

Have you ever gone to the movie theater and watched the trailers? The glimpses on the screen that make you think the upcoming film is going to be fascinating? You build that movie up in your head that it's going to be this wonderful show. Without actually seeing the whole work, you put in your mind that it must be the greatest achievement since "Gone With the Wind."

You go back. You see the movie that you anticipated so much. The problem is, you've built it up so much in your mind that nothing could possibly live up to your expectations. You didn't watch the movie itself. Instead, you spent the time thinking of what it "should have been." Had you gone without some preconceived notion, it probably would have been a lot better.

That's probably what happened in this case. You put too many pressures on yourself You dreamed it up so much that you didn't just let it be what it was.

I'm glad the Dominant that you were with handled the whole thing well. You didn't get the experience that you were hoping for, but you certainly got something worth merit. He sounds like he's good folk.

Don't cheat yourself. Try again. Next time, don't go with preconceived ideas. (I warned you about that thinking of being the biggest and baddest.) Just go. Just let it be. Allow it to be what it is without being something you dreamed up. Just let things happen as they will. You'll be richer for it. I know you can do this.

My best wishes from across the miles,

Lady Pact

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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