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cloudboy -> RE: two birds one stone! (1/22/2006 8:13:09 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
clean the toilet with a tooth brusth.
If this ole' Gomer Pyle thing is the best standby you got in the drawer, its no wonder you're soliciting ideas. You know, if you gave Kyra a lot more than a toothbrush, she could get a lot more cleaned --- what's the point of slowing down on the toilet when the floor, sink, wall, and other such areas could be scrubbed down too? She's still cleaning, not exactly watching TV with with her feet up, and she's being like 7x more productive. Maybe that equals seven (7) more stones.
Now Caitlyn:
>I just don't get into the whole punishment thing.<
Here's how it works (when it works, IMO). A person does something he regrets or is ashamed of or is hurtful, direspectful, inconsiderate, selfish toward, not nice, horrible, yicky, awful, bad, irritating, wrong, and/or generally not so nice to another person. Another person is the object of this misdeed and may be, as a result, angry, mad, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, and or something else.
Do you see the dynamic? Do you see the action - reaction - what the fuck next?? element here?
In the vanilla world, what-the-fuck-next is generally some sort of unpleasant, rancorous, destabilizing argument/confrontation the hangover of which may last for days ---- who knows --- WEEKS even.
In the BDSM world, there are no such problems. (At least when the sub is the transgressor.) Rather than a big-to-do, there is punishment. The clean cut, black and white, ritutualized crime-and-punishment model usually results in:
1) Why did you do that? (DOM) or I did this! (SUB)
2) Well, you know the rules don't you? And you know the consequences?
3) YES
4) So you know you will be punished?
5) YES (some dread but some excitiment for the DOM and SUB)
6) Punishment (some fun and some dread, some work and some play, usually a mix)
7) Sub feels absolution of guilt
8) Dom feels authority and security -- feels direct satisfaction in redressing problem.
9) Closure
10) Release
11) Loving connection reaffirmed.
12) Able to go out to dinner and enjoy each other that night.
13) No long term hangovers (emotional) in exchange for short term marks (if applied.)
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Its a whole nuther story, much more complicated if the DOM has been an asshole or done something wrong to hurt the sub. Some idiots argue that the sub can't do anything but "chew on it" and "accept it." IMO, the sub has to pipe up, no crop in hand, to try to clear the decks. (Negotiation skills)
In general: The BDSM power dynamic makes the lines and dynamics of a relationship much clearer, and IMO, much easier. There is less guessing, less trying to read the other's mind, less wondering "what should I do," etc. So, the framework is set up to prevent, a priori, most serious relationship transgressions. With those cleared up, then, most "misdeeds" and "punishments" are of the "we both like it and it makes us hot" variety.
Of course you already know what Dostoevsky opines. The crime is the punishment. So, in the Dostoevskiean realm, rather than being a punisher, KoM may actually be an absolver.
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