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first time in training. - 3/3/2009 3:44:20 PM

whippingrl

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline

my dom says he want the first training session to be with me sucking his cock. we have barely kissed each other in the 3 months knowing each other, have only met 3 times. Is he going to instruct me how he likes oral sex? I have a feeling its going to take light years to reach the actual act of sex. Maybe Ill understand more when the training unfolds, but right now I am so vanilla or should I say very green.

Post #: 1

RE: first time in training. - 3/3/2009 4:19:29 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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You need to ask him if he is going to instruct you. How would we know ?

Maybe you'll understand more when the training unfolds ?
You need to understand things BEFORE you get into them.

There is no mystery is BDSM. It isn't a magical land. It's about relationships, and I guarentee you no two of us have some cookie cutter role in the relationship. Each relationship is different. I don't get trained, others may. I meet someone and see if our interests match up and our goals and I learn what he likes/dislikes. I learn as I go, so to speak. Just the same as in my vanilla dating life.

Let me ask you something: would you blindly agree to some unkown style blow job with a vanilla guy you have only seen three times in three months and barely know at all. Barely kissed him ?

If the answer is yes.... go for it. If the answer is no.... the same applies here.

Communicate, communicate and communicate some more. You are new, if you don't understand or it doesn't seem " right" .... ask. Ask him. He is the only one who can give you the answers to what he wants.
mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to whippingrl)

Post #: 2

RE: first time in training. - 3/3/2009 4:58:59 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

OP, looking at the tone and content of your post, I expected you to be below drinking age. But if your profile is to be believed, you are over 40. I am not trying to be harsh but where have you been, dear? Have you learned anything about relationships, and human behavior, in the last 20 years? If so, then fall back on that knowledge now, before you get hurt. BDSM is not an excuse to be foolish. If anything, its reason to be even more careful than ever before.

COMMUNICATE with your dom before you meet again. Make sure your and his limits and expectations are known clearly, just like you would and should in in any other kind of relationship. Remember it is up to YOU to set your own requirements, for how you will be treated. Otherwise, he can just do anything he wants with you. And that's a situation that is ripe for abuse. What has he done to show you that he is trustworthy, and worthy of your time and attention? What has he done for you lately??

Frankly, you being so clueless about the basics of your own relationship with him speaks very poorly of this so-called "dom". He sounds like just some guy who wants some head.

Maybemaybenot's post above is excellent. If this were a vanilla relationship, would you be going into it with so little real communication????Don't forget your good common sense, just because its BDSM or you will get hurt.

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(in reply to whippingrl)

Post #: 3

RE: first time in training. - 3/3/2009 6:55:59 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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I join the chorus that is telling you to communicate.
Why you're entering 'training' not knowing what that entails, unless you're one of those people who claim to have 'no limits' (In which case, I will question your common sense further) is wholly beyond me.
Power dynamics aren't an excuse for people not talking with each other.
Be safe,
Davan

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Post #: 4

RE: first time in training. - 3/3/2009 7:07:00 PM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
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For some, cocksucking is part of service. Kissing may be purely a form of intimacy. To me it sounds like yes, he intends to instruct you on how he wants his cock sucked. Why don't you ask him if that is what he intends?

Do you have a problem with that? Has he talked about what your service will entail? What things have you done, in the three times you have been together?

_____________________________

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(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 5

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 1:58:02 AM

wandersalone

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Is the person you are going to meet this person? Maybe you are rushing into things a little too fast. Take care, do what you feel comfortable with.

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(in reply to whippingrl)

Post #: 6

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 2:46:48 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whippingrl

my dom says he want the first training session to be with me sucking his cock. we have barely kissed each other in the 3 months knowing each other, have only met 3 times. Is he going to instruct me how he likes oral sex? I have a feeling its going to take light years to reach the actual act of sex. Maybe Ill understand more when the training unfolds, but right now I am so vanilla or should I say very green.

Yep, nuthin' says "I've got me a naive newbie to exploit who I otherwise don't really give a hoot about" like going straight to the sucking of cock. Now, if that's how the building of trust and getting to know you stages of your vanilla dating experiences panned out, you're at least in familiar territory.

But if you think there should be more to a relationship, ANY relationship, than delivering oral on demand, then you might wanna consider the raging red flags being waved at you with this geek's "training" plans....

Focus.

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(in reply to whippingrl)

Post #: 7

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 3:57:29 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you don't feel right going from 3 meetings with barely a kiss to oral sex, then don't. It has to work for you too.

Beyond that, I hope he's shown you a new report from his doctor on his sexual health. You can transmit STDs through this.

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Post #: 8

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 5:34:25 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Wow.

OP, he wants a blow job. Is it that hard to understand his intentions? Being new is no excuse for acting like a naive 14 year old. It isn't cute.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 3/4/2009 5:36:15 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 7:12:41 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

If this was just a normal vanilla relationship and the guy you were getting to know wanted a blow job after only kissing a bit and only speaking 3 times, what would your reaction be? If a women approached me like that, I would laugh alot and then I would dump her. Of course I would be grateful that I found out what her main purpose in the relationship was and be thankful I hadn't wasted any more time, but I would still probibly dump her.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to whippingrl)

Post #: 10

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 9:57:15 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Is the person you are going to meet this person? Maybe you are rushing into things a little too fast. Take care, do what you feel comfortable with.

Good recall wanders !!

quote:

ORIGINAL: whippingrl

my dom says he want the first training session to be with me sucking his cock. Is he going to instruct me how he likes oral sex?

I have a feeling its going to take light years to reach the actual act of sex.

Every man enjoys his cock sucked differently.
Some woman are not cocksuckers.
Some woman refuse to suck cock.

A submissive serves a dominant. If that is by sucking his cock, do it his way and you are serving him well.

But I get the idea it's not about serving him well, for you, but getting yourself fucked. My Sir calls this a "do me submissive."

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 11

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 9:29:51 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

Dam whats wrong with sucking the mans cock...and you telling me that after three months you never even thought of doing just that?grins..what no night or day dreams? lol//sorry better listen to them...instead of me..after all I like my cock sucked too..snickers

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 12

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 9:35:26 PM

ShadowMster

Posts: 94
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Sounds to me like your not a service submissive at all, but rather somone who wants to be told to do the things she desires, and to never be told to do the things she doesn't. In otherwords, never have your world expanded, or allow your submission to be enjoyed by someone other then yourself.

This, in a way, is actually kind of selfish. Kind of a "Do Me, while I pretend to be submissive as long as you do only exactly what I want".

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 13

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 9:39:55 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

See me I see that as being trained, or maybe it's being groomed. To be shown what he likes how he likes it and how I can please him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

You need to ask him if he is going to instruct you. How would we know ?

Maybe you'll understand more when the training unfolds ?
You need to understand things BEFORE you get into them.

There is no mystery is BDSM. It isn't a magical land. It's about relationships, and I guarentee you no two of us have some cookie cutter role in the relationship. Each relationship is different. I don't get trained, others may. I meet someone and see if our interests match up and our goals and I learn what he likes/dislikes. I learn as I go, so to speak. Just the same as in my vanilla dating life.

Let me ask you something: would you blindly agree to some unkown style blow job with a vanilla guy you have only seen three times in three months and barely know at all. Barely kissed him ?

If the answer is yes.... go for it. If the answer is no.... the same applies here.

Communicate, communicate and communicate some more. You are new, if you don't understand or it doesn't seem " right" .... ask. Ask him. He is the only one who can give you the answers to what he wants.
mbmbn

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 14

RE: first time in training. - 3/4/2009 9:48:38 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowMster

Sounds to me like your not a service submissive at all, but rather somone who wants to be told to do the things she desires, and to never be told to do the things she doesn't. In otherwords, never have your world expanded, or allow your submission to be enjoyed by someone other then yourself.

This, in a way, is actually kind of selfish. Kind of a "Do Me, while I pretend to be submissive as long as you do only exactly what I want".

If I was going to be rude, I would say you sound like the type who, like the other, just wants to get his cock sucked. Will you also be here, giving advice in a few weeks when the next post is something to the tune of "Why doesn't Master call anymore?"

Listen. I'm not a submissive, but I can tell you right now that if you haven't reached the point in negotiations about what kind of sexual contact you are going to have, then it's time to start talking. Just because someone is a submissive doesn't mean any and every type of intimacy is ok by the fourth time they see each other.

This doesn't make someone a "do me" submissive. It sounds more like the person she's dealing with is a "hit and run" type.

ETA. In My neck of the woods, generally the term "service submissive" isn't especially linked with "sexual service."

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/4/2009 9:50:19 PM >

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Post #: 15

RE: first time in training. - 3/5/2009 6:18:02 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowMster

Sounds to me like your not a service submissive at all, but rather somone who wants to be told to do the things she desires, and to never be told to do the things she doesn't. In otherwords, never have your world expanded, or allow your submission to be enjoyed by someone other then yourself.

This, in a way, is actually kind of selfish. Kind of a "Do Me, while I pretend to be submissive as long as you do only exactly what I want".

So after the third time you talk to a submissive you think it's time to train her to suck your cock? That's the first and most important part of the relationship for you? And if she doesn't fall to her knees, then that means she is a 'do me" kinda sub?

Sorry, but it sounds like your a 'do me' kinda dom. Only concerned with getting his dick sucked while you pretend to be master.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to ShadowMster)

Post #: 16

RE: first time in training. - 3/5/2009 7:10:35 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

My hopes are that you have been communicating alot during the 3 mos of knowing each other. Maybe distance is what keeps you apart, but for whatever reason,,,,,if you have been communicating, and sharing wants, needs, desires, expecations, etc, then i personally dont see that as being out of line or just being used for a BJ.
I am wondering if the conversations you have with him are making you sooooo very excited and desiring sex with him, that you are now frustrated and just wanted to vent on here. Very understandable. and what better way to have your submissive being "wet" and desiring intamacy.....did i spell that wrong?
And, they always say a way to a mans heart is through his stomach....nah,,,,, i beg to differ. What a wonderful service to be taught how to give him a form of pleasure that will make him happy.

(in reply to whippingrl)

Post #: 17

RE: first time in training. - 3/5/2009 1:51:15 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

See me I see that as being trained, or maybe it's being groomed. To be shown what he likes how he likes it and how I can please him.

It's one of my quirks. I just don't like the word " trained ". Nothing wrong with the word, it just doesn't work for me. And neither of my dominants ever used that word, not because I don't like it, it was just never used.
mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 18

RE: first time in training. - 3/5/2009 1:53:23 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

It makes sense, and besides being trained to do something, to me makes it sound like it's a huge mysterious undertaking, and learning your partners whims and desires, isn't a mystery hehe.,

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

See me I see that as being trained, or maybe it's being groomed. To be shown what he likes how he likes it and how I can please him.

It's one of my quirks. I just don't like the word " trained ". Nothing wrong with the word, it just doesn't work for me. And neither of my dominants ever used that word, not because I don't like it, it was just never used.
mbmbn

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 19

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