hydranmenace
Posts: 52
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline
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Recently, I was contacted by someone in the area regarding a local munch, which I appreciated very much. Unfortunately this individual had no specifics on the date or time. When I asked I was told "My sub keeps track of all that stuff.. Ill let you know". He never did. I had neither the exact date, or time when I should arrive.
While I am glad to see that someone at least took the time to let me know what is going on in the area, this lack of information and specifics indicates to me a serious lack of leadership. What renders this an even more significant issue is that as a Dom leadership should be a primary concern, in my opinion. I don't, personally, think it matters how well you tie knots or crack a whip if you can't effectively lead.
Now, I don't want to step on anyones' toes around my area, it's entirely possible that there is some leadership that I am simply not aware of, but I can say that at least one once-regular munch has gone the way of the dodo and the lack of information and communication on the other does not make me think there is any solid groundwork of any kind.
I don't want to create a group of cliques where some people feel ostracized from others, or any of that sort of thing if it can be avoided. Some people are going to dislike some others, that's just life, but as a whole I'd like to see a unified group of people with common interests who can come together comfortably and safely. I think that needs some framework of organization, and I would like to spearhead some kind of effort with that in mind. I haven't had much luck finding a sub\slave for me in the area and I believe that having something regular and reliable for people to attend would help with that, as well as show myself as a leader rather than being all talk. Sure that's selfish to a degree but the point to munches is to meet people anyway. If I can have an active role in one thats even better.
General:
I don't like bars since I don't drink. I also think that there are a lot of college age individuals who would enjoy attending but would have difficulty gaining admittance to a bar if they are under 21. Does anyone here have any ideas on what might be an acceptable public meeting place that people would be comfortable with? What I mean by that is I think it would be best if this were a public location to assure everyone of personal safety, but private and intimate enough to allow everyone to talk openly about BDSM related issues without offending the rest of the general public at that location.
While "hooking up" to play after the munch is fine if that is all someone is after, I think there should be a strong focus on safety. I think something designed to instruct and inform, be it a How-To, a review on a book, basic first aid or whatever should be a recurring topic. Hanging out and having fun is great and will happen naturally I think. The informative session won't take all night, and I want people to have more of a reason to come than just mingling. I want new subs to see that a good Dom isn't all about tying him or her to a table and so forth. S\he should see that safety, consent, hygiene, care of toys, communication skills and many other things go into it if you view it as a lifestyle. I would like Doms to have the opportunity to demonstrate these things, to teach and to show their own leadership skills, or develop them if they are lacking. Is anyone here on CM willing to message me with ideas on topics as well as places online or the local library or other source where I could access that kind of information for discussion and education? Yes, I google too, but it would be silly to not tap the experience and knowledge of those on these boards as well. I am looking for more than "Talk about how to tie knot style X". That's a good topic, but please let me know where *I* can learn how to tie knot type X so that I can show others.
Organization needs to be delegated to reliable volunteers and handled responsibly. I want to see a concerted effort to have a regular meeting time and place, as well as an effort to inform the local community of those things. I don't want to see "hey.. there's a munch every 3rd Tuesday at barscene B if you want to go". I'd at least write up a form letter for people to copy and paste with an exact date, time, place, address, and expected minimal attire or type of dress. Does anyone here have or attend a munch similar to this who would be willing to share their organizational structure with me, how those who teach or lead are chosen, etc?
Personal safety and rules of behavior. Everyone seems to have different ideas of what is and is not acceptable in how to treat or respond to a Dom\sub. If I were to organize something along these lines would it be a shock or turn off to people if I had a basic statement of interaction? No intimate physical contact or violation of personal space without specific verbal consent. "A" sub does not make him\her "Your" sub, any sub not attached to you is not required or expected to submit to anyone, be physically or verbally coerced, etc. Selected individuals will be designated to handle any issues related to these and subs will have them pointed out on their first visit. If they are mistreated or made to feel uncomfortable they will know there is a support structure in place for them to assure them of their safety, they will know they do not have to just 'take it' with no recourse. Some form of formal discipline will be in place, probably simply being disallowed to attend on a temporary or permanent basis. Would having an enforced code of behavior increase or decrease peoples willingness to attend? Would I be over reaching or overstepping boundaries I shouldn't cross, or is this a good thing?
Getting information out. I am in the Grand Rapids, Michigan, area. Obviously websites would be a great place to start to inform other people about upcoming munches and the like. Does anyone have a couple of favorites they can share? Where should I go to let people know what I'm trying to do? If I manage to organize something like this where are some good sources to let people know when and where? Are there any national organizations I can contact for assistance on getting started? I have the what worked out for the most part. I would like some guidance on the how. Of course minutiae and details might change, but overall, any assistance or advice would be appreciated. I know the best place to start would probably be to join the munch that I didn't get a time and date for and I am sure I shall, but again I do not want to appear to be swooping in to take the place over. It would probably be better to just start something new, and maybe having options on where to go to get together will help the local community as a whole. Thanks for reading!
Chad C
Oh and a minor PS. If you happen to be in the area of Grand Rapids, please message me and let me know if you would be interested in joining something like this simply to attend or to assume some kind of leadership\teaching role. If you're a sub don't let that stop you from teaching and sharing. I'm sure a subs-only workshop sort of group time would be excellent to have.
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Leadership and where to start - 
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