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Dominant Distinctions... - 3/3/2009 9:03:27 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		A curious thought...

Do you consider yourself a dominant because you enjoy having control (or authority) over others (or one specific submissive), or is it that you enjoy being in control of yourself and your own life?

I would imagine there might be some combination of both for most dominants, but which way do you lean more towards?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/3/2009 10:58:48 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I demand and expect to be in control of my life, or as much that I can control (allowing for employment etc). I don't get much od a kick from controling others directly but rather controling what they do and how they do it (I prefer to allow some latitude in the details as I'm not too interested in micro-management. Love to see things coming together according to my directions and plans. I do get a huge thrill and a terribly strong sense of right when I have a slave in my or the House collar. It's an ownership thing with lots of pride in my possessions).. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
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RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/4/2009 4:09:08 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I must be in control of myself and my own life, I could not live any other way. On the other side of that coin I also enjoy having control of others and watching them flourish under my direction. I have a happy household and that is a goal that I had set for myself and us.

So the answer to your question for me is yes to both.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/4/2009 9:55:46 AM   
EclipseAbove


Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		I don't consider myself to be a dominant because I have control over myself and my own life.  Those things are a prerequisite for being a dominant.  I'm a dominant because I enjoy having others turn over control to me.  I suppose in many situations I could take control of others against their will, but I wouldn't call that being dominant - I'd call that abusive.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/4/2009 10:24:09 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Taking this from both sides of the kneel as we 'fence-walking switchey sorts' (Tongue in cheek statement there) are sometimes apt to do.
Most people who encounter me out and about in the world would assume that I am Dominant because I have a very formidable personality, make decisions with confidence, etc.  Occasionally, someone decides that because I am presenting quietly I am submissive. 
In relational parlance, I prefer, nay, I demand, to be able to dispense with the masks.  I want real and naked.  And, real and naked for me means a natural s-side to the kneel but allowing someone to take the D-side of the kneel.  Each role entails responsibilities.  When I take the D-side of the kneel, I know that a specialtrust is being placed in me to earn that from the person taking an s-stance to me.  Each role entails responsibilities. 
I enjoy having control over my life and those things around me, I enjoy exterting that control, hopefully with grace and benevolence.  All of that responsibility sometimes chafes.  That it goes against certain natural inclinations, while being every bit a part of me still (And an integrated one at that, not one about which I am conflicted), I truly appreciate those moments, those relations where I am able to shrug off the mantle of all that I carry and focus on my one and devote myself to them and know that they hold me in their protection and their care. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to EclipseAbove)
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RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/4/2009 10:29:01 AM   
devotedOwner19


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		For myself, i consider myself a dominant for a combination of reson prominate among them is 1. I couldnt imagine or stand someone taking my control from me which is why i hate medicine or drugs of any sort alchol included
2. becouse I injoy guiding and mentoring a person in there life or trouble  which is one of the reason im a mentor in mentoring network*
3.  and also becouse i just plain injoy the control over my submissive it truely makes me feel loved and trusted in a way that hard to describe to know she both loves and trusts me enough to submit.

_____________________________

"A soldier's job is not to die for his country, it is to make the other basterd die for his" General George Patton

All things are in balance. good and evil, heaven and hell, war and peace.

Its easier to build a whole man, then to fix a broken

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/5/2009 11:44:57 AM   
Lupa5Oc7ura5


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/2/2009
Status: offline 		Interesting responses from all. I take a different view on Dominance and the control aspect of Dominance. In my case being dominant is a natural aspect of my being much like having two arms. Dominance must come from me from my inner being. So as a Dom I must first have control of myself. Trying to control your surroundings is futile and only leads to frustration because there are too many factors beyound your control. Now to control your own being is possible and only leads to internal peace and self knowledge. Of course I enjoy having submissives do as I instruct. The point of pride is to see the submissive being happy with themselves. The knowledge that they got to that place under my guidance is a peak for me it is a sum of all the work and effort.

(in reply to devotedOwner19)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/5/2009 12:17:32 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Of course there is always those of us who know precisely who and what we are and what we will and will not tollerate and thus to a large degree dictate our own path and choices. We could and sometimes do state irrevokably: "I am a dominant because I choose to be! I do this because I can and it please me to do so!" Arrogant? Yes, but only in the sence that we do know who and what we are and are only stating facts rergarding ourselves and not demanding anything of others. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Lupa5Oc7ura5)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/5/2009 12:53:45 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		My own life

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/5/2009 3:55:02 PM   
SirKenn


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		No one can be dominate unless they have control of there own life. It is the certainty of your control of yourself that allows you to control others. It is that certainty the subs respond to. It is the mark of a good Dom that he the well being of his subs formost in his mind and actions.

(in reply to FRSguy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/5/2009 5:28:02 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		No one controls this body but me. As a kid when I took a spanking for some crap I had done..[lol] I'd look you up and tell you about it and then tell you to get it over with..the only tears were just phyical not mental...I did what I wanted and How I wanted to do it..people that were smart and strong I made friends with..weaker kids..I noticed I tented to protect them to the tune of several fights untill most figured the price they had paid to beat me was too high...cause I really don't know how to quit anything I start...Nowdays, while still control my life..I also control other lives too.I still protect the weaker ones..and quide them when I can...nothing makes me beleive more in myself when they shine...also...lol..I;ve learned to [sometimes] remake a project rather that just bull thu it and "make it work' . I wonder if I'm slowing down or just gotten a bit more relaxed?

(in reply to SirKenn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/5/2009 8:30:33 PM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		I enjoy having control of others.. (inclusive and exclusive).  Its hard to assess how much control you have in your life but you strive to reach goals set very specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely goals in life.  (ahhh the buisness management course at college paid off..with SMART Goals, sticky notes,saran wrap and alot of duct tape.. you too can take over the world.

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/6/2009 12:51:50 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		There is much in life that one cannot control, and that is a truth a Dominant first accepts and makes peace with. My control starts, as it must, with myself and emanates outward. What I control is how I respond, how I act, how I dominate, how I use pain and pleasure. From there, in that centeredness, I delight in controlling a submissive woman if she responds to my dominance, blossoms in it with her own personality growing, and pleases me. I take no delight in controlling others solely for its own sake or as any kick in exercising authority simply to be authoritarian. For me, controlling her must be interactive, two-way, or else it has no meaning.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/6/2009 3:17:04 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am a dominant because it is who I am.
It's part of my make up and has been there as long as I can recall.



(in reply to MasterLark)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/6/2009 7:03:35 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Do you consider yourself a dominant because you enjoy having control


That is a good one! I am a control freak, right through my career, where control was essential to stay in the rat race - and I guess I should say I don't know how else to live any more. It was much easier for me to ditch vanilla, somewhere along the way, and start doing the dom thing, as that was an easy extension of my personality. Just ask my staff *grin*

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/6/2009 7:29:39 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

A curious thought...

Do you consider yourself a dominant because you enjoy having control (or authority) over others (or one specific submissive), or is it that you enjoy being in control of yourself and your own life?

I would imagine there might be some combination of both for most dominants, but which way do you lean more towards?



I am a "dominant" because I enjoy power over another. Having control over my own life (if I may be so bold as to assume I do) is ideal for being a partner in a D/s relationship (though it helps in all relationships, too). Control over one's life is not necessary, meaning that not all dominants have control over their life. It hinders a great many things when one's personal ducks are in disarray, but it's not 100% required. A dominant could easily be a bad dominant.

It is also ideal for submissives to have control over their lives, though again, not a requirement of the position. One must own an object (like one's own body) before it can be given away.

In short, I consider dominance over self and others to be operationally exclusive; one does not ensure nor preclude the other.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/6/2009 8:01:03 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
...Do you consider yourself a dominant because you enjoy having control (or authority) over others (or one specific submissive), or is it that you enjoy being in control of yourself and your own life?...
Hmmm...
I think that the one (the former) fits neatly into the other (the latter).

I think I began by wanting to be as independent as possible, and therefor in control of myself.
I had some fantasies of being able to control a partner early on, but didn't figure out that it actually could be done, or that I could do it, until quite a bit later.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/6/2009 8:21:49 PM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Yes....and, Yes.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/8/2009 8:49:04 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Controlling others is no different than controlling myself.    While I do enjoy obedience, that is not what makes me dominant.  Similarly, while I enjoy eating, I would still do it even if I hated all food.   Other people call me dominant because it is in my nature to tell people what to do.

I call myself normal and think the vanilla people are indecisive.    If they don't want me to tell them what to do, why don't they act before I tell them?   If they aren't submissive, I give them more than enough time to decide for themselves.   Subs are decisive - they have decided they don't want control.   A switch is also decisive - sometimes they want control, others they don't.  Dom's are like me.  But vanilla people, they are indecisive.

(in reply to SirDarkside357)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dominant Distinctions... - 3/8/2009 9:10:02 PM   
MasterRaid


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline 		I am Me. I have always been Me for as long as I can remember. I do not recall being someone else because if I had been someone else , I would not be Me then would I? If I were not Me then I could not be the Man I am. If I were not the Man I am then who would I have been? Ask Me if I am Dominant because I am in control of My own life and I would say yes because the life is mine to control and not someone else's. Ask Me if I desire to control others and I would say no as their lives are not Mine to control as everyone is in control of their own unless they are not. Ask Me if because I am Dominant and they are submissive does it mean I control their life and I would say no as because one is submissive it does not mean they must be controlled but rather they have given it freely. ............... Nahhhhhh! I love being in control! I love taking control from My girls and I love being Dominant. It is a rush of power corsing through My veins like pure fire a raging tempest that threatens to explode into a fury of Hell and degredation manefested in Human form. All kept neat and tidy under a facade of Control and self discipline that is shown in love and devotion to the girl bound neatly by the seel collar round her neck.

quote:

Do you consider yourself a dominant because you enjoy having control (or authority) over others (or one specific submissive)

Yes, but it is also a curse that thing control. You are now responsible for more than just your own life. You are now responsible for the life and desicions of another. I think that is the rush of Dominance .
quote:

or is it that you enjoy being in control of yourself and your own life?

Yes again, how can one be in control of another if you are not in control of yourself?


_____________________________

First rule in dealing with the Devil............................
..................................................................DON'T!

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 20
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