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When, why and how to collar?


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When, why and how to collar? - 3/4/2009 7:28:51 PM   
SirKenn


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		As anyone can see I am new to this board. I have been a long time poly and apparantly a Master based on much information that has come to light. The one thing I have never done is colllar (at least intentionally). We are currently looking for a new slave and would like to take it up one more step. So any advice would be welcome.

Sir Kenn
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/4/2009 7:48:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There's information that just came to light that makes you a Master?

Of what?   Particularly?



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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/4/2009 7:58:14 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I understood SirKenn to mean "master" as the other side of "slave", not an achieved position of expertise and experience. Also, I wasn't sure about SirKenn's tone when he says "apparently a master..."

Depending how seriously you and your submissive(s) take things, a collar can be a strap of leather found at the dog aisle in Walmart or a promise of protection, love, and training with weight akin to a wedding band.

When is too variable to say. Some people feel it's right after a few days, others a few years if ever.
Why is easier. A master collars a pet to signify to the world that the pet is owned. It also serves as a reminded to both what the relationship means. There are other reasons for collars, but this is a decent entry definition until you make it your own.
How is just as variable as "when". I've heard of elaborate collarings, akin to weddings. It can be as simple as "Put this on. You're mine." and anything in between.

One thing I know about submissives... Unless it is explained otherwise, the bulk (of those I know) view their collars as sacred objects which are metaphors for the entire relationship. They don't accept.. or lose.. their collars lightly. I learned the hard way not to tinker with this force in a fleeting manner.

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/4/2009 8:21:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was just curious if I needed a new light bulb or something.  (I knew somebody would take the bait.  Thanks HK.)

Ken, one thing you might be interested in doing is going through some of the past threads on this topic.  At the bottom right of the screen, there's a search function.  Just type in the word "collar" and you will hit a ton of information and opinions.  You can refine the search by specifying threads that only have that word in the title, rather than every thread that someone mentions the word in a post or reply.  Literally, there's enough in there to read for days.

On another <gasp> serious note, if what you're looking for as poly folks is a female sub to join your household, I'd suggest that you take a look at the poly forum.  Do the same thing with the phrase "female sub to join" with the search function there.  Again, you'll get a wealth of information on why it's so hard to find one.  LOL.

I really do wish you luck.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/4/2009 8:22:16 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Seriously OP,

If this is a Cute Game to you, then go get one of those Tiffany Collars with the little heart and Play Slap and Tickle, but collaring someone means somthing to many people. If it is just something that you do then just go and do it there is not specific process.

However if you want to know what Being responsible for someone is then stick around and read LOTS AND LOTS, take your Flinstone Vitamins, and realize that being a Dominant is something that you are, Being a Master, at least in my opinion, is something that someone see in you.

Take your time not all of this is some kind of dark alley sex game.

Steel

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 3:55:19 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

The one thing I have never done is colllar (at least intentionally).


Previously it was an accidental collaring??


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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 6:27:30 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied


Previously it was an accidental collaring??



I suspect that the OP means a Formall Collaring as different to an Informal Collaring without all the bells and whistles, pipe organ music and 120 vestal virgins and whatever..  when he says: "I have never done is colllar (at least intentionally)."

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/5/2009 6:29:37 AM >

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 6:44:01 AM   
SirKenn


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		I would like to thank everyone, I actually have been following your advice and reading, reading, reading. 

Heavenskeeper has it correct in that i am not assuming any level of profiency rather that I am the one who makes every decision for the house.

As far a "apparantly a Master" For most of the last 15 years we have lived in a poly house with me as the head, My wife would easliy fit the definition of a switch and our third is allways a sub. I had never thought of it as me being a "Master" since it has always been such a loving shared relationship even though I do the schedules, set the expectation levels, and disipline as required.

I have never been "in the comunity" so reading other peoples ideas and experiences is adding a wealth of knowledge and I hope will make my posts less confusing in the future.

Last to Katylied; about nine years ago we had a live in who was a true slave on our third anniverarsy I gave her necklace with all three of our birthstones on it. The insueing next two years were a wonderful time. After the gift I never could get her to call me Sir it was always Master.

As stated I have never been in the comunity before so I have had reinvent the wheel far to many times. Again Thank you.

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 6:51:06 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Sir Ken mate, if what you have works for you then you have got it right. There are a few formal collaring rituals floating about and in the end, and if as I think, you are inventive, I bet a gooses fart to a clap, of thunder you can can come up with something which suits you with or with out Bach's organ pieces blasting out and the vestil Virgins (just send them to me and I'll find homes for them in the odd temple I have.. 

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SirKenn)
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 10:07:37 AM   
EclipseAbove


Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		Like so many other BDSM terms, "collar" can mean just about anything depending on who you talk to.  Sure we can all generally agree that a device that goes around the neck is a collar but that is where any kind of concensus ends.  The meaning can range from "just a piece of jewelry" as some dominant women who wear collars all the time might tell you, to "more meaningful that marriage, your immortal soul and a bunch of other stuff too" as some who place great importance on collars might tell you.  The same is true with collaring ceremonies.  I'm certain you could research the possibilities, but I'd suggest you just do what works for you and those you are with.  After all, the only thing that really matters is your happiness and the happiness of those you are with depsite what the rest of us might try to tell you.

On that note - Dude, its a freakin' piece of leather with a metal ring in it... 

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 10:16:12 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Ohhhh! Actually old chap, my collars are constructed in maile or of you prefer chain maile or if the occasion warrents iot from half round stainless steel.. Harder top remove without the key y'see.. 

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/5/2009 10:20:03 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I Perfer the Turian Collar as well, not because of it's difficulty in removing it but because it has a simple look that I like.

I find the Leather D-Ring Collars can often be seen as unacceptable in a work enviornment. A Turian Colar often looks like a piece of Jewelry.

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/6/2009 8:24:26 PM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Only advice I have for you...do it however it feels right to you.  It's cool to get others ideas, but make them yours, or at least the ones you like.  It's your family...home....house, do it your way.

(in reply to SirKenn)
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/6/2009 8:43:55 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Iron Bear, Chain mail; not only do I think your posts are fabulous, so too is your taste in adornment!  :> 
Steel, You're on a roll!  :> 
SirKenn, Without having terminology or lifestyle immersion, you seem to have been 'living the dream' both in a M/s as well as poly sense.  Think I've gotta tip my hat to you and yours on that.  I'm not saying that you know everything but you may know a bit more than you think, at least if I'm understanding regarding certain successes in your relationships.  Why is collaring particularly important to you and yours now?  What does it mean to you?  Does your wife have any concerns about such?  Is the to be collared?  There are lots of potential angles and there's no new thing under the Sun. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/6/2009 8:58:49 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenn

As anyone can see I am new to this board. I have been a long time poly and apparantly a Master based on much information that has come to light.
Sir Kenn


You are a master ONLY when you prove to yourself and others that you are capable to take on the responsibilities with honor and integrity....not because others tell you "oh you must be a master."

That's like telling me I must be a doctor because of the knowledge I have and the abilities I have and because I will never stop learning medical stuff. 

*shrugs

(in reply to SirKenn)
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/7/2009 4:48:10 AM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

...realize that being a Dominant is something that you are, Being a Master, at least in my opinion, is something that someone see in you.

Steel


I really like the way you put this, Steel.  Never thought of it in exactly those terms.


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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/8/2009 8:54:42 PM   
MasterRaid


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline
quote:

I have been a long time poly and apparantly a Master based on much information that has come to light.
quote:

For most of the last 15 years we have lived in a poly house with me as the head,


SirKenn, If you are looking to define who it is you are in your household, given your scope of knowledge and experience, there is a term for you. Within the lifestyle of BDSM various groups and niches such as Old Guard, Leather Sex, and others would have a Daddy, this is the person who would run the Home or Group. Now I would not say You would be a Master as I fall into the Group that SteelUtah spoke of. A Master is what you are seen as or a Title of Knowledge. I was not allowed to use said Title until I proved My knowledge to My Mentor at the age of 27. I would consider you to be A Dominant and Daddy of your Home.

quote:

The one thing I have never done is colllar (at least intentionally).

quote:

One thing I know about submissives... Unless it is explained otherwise, the bulk (of those I know) view their collars as sacred objects which are metaphors for the entire relationship. They don't accept.. or lose.. their collars lightly. I learned the hard way not to tinker with this force in a fleeting manner.


As far as a Collar goes this is something special given from a Dominant or Master to his submissive/slave. It is a symbol of His love and protection to her. Now where again I agree with SteelUtah on the simple hammered steel collars ( pretty collars are for materialistic pleasure slaves) I also like the heavy leather D ring collars as well. But both are symbols to Me. If you are looking to give something to your girls I would look at who you are as a Man of this world and make it something of you. The necklace is a good start but something that is more permanant would seem to be more apropriate.  I like that your girl calls you Master as she apparantly is very devoted and sees in you the thing that makes her complete and for that she is giving you herself totally and completely, make sure you live up to it by doing what you are now, reading reading reading. I think you are on a wonderful start to a great journey. I wish you well.



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..................................................................DON'T!

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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/8/2009 9:21:53 PM   
ThomasMore


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		When and why are reasons too inescapably variable to delineate in this here e-BDSM forum - but the "how" of it should involve much preparation, ritual and ceremony.  Sort of like Hermann Nitsch's "6-Tage-Spiel Des Orgien Mysterien Theater" - only with fewer slaughtered bulls.

(in reply to SirKenn)
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/9/2009 7:31:26 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Doctor Feel Good...`ey
 
cool!

(in reply to RealSub58)
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RE: When, why and how to collar? - 3/9/2009 9:05:47 AM   
spatejak


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		People have different ways of regarding a collar. To some it's just a fashion accessory. To others it's more akin to a wedding ring. As for the act of collaring, you can just slip it on or you can get as elaborate ceremony as you want. Typically the slave kneels before her master, acknowledges her slave status, and swears total loyalty to him. You can work out the details yourself. If your new slave will also be submissive to your current partner, you may want to add that to the ceremony.

(in reply to SirKenn)
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