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BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 7:55:16 AM

LunaVenus

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We know that there is intense dopamine and endorphine activity during both intense sexual activity as well as during pain play. I feel extremely fortunate that my first real sex partner was extremely handsome and of 6'4 with a instrument of pleasure that would provoke the envy of many equines. He could literally engage me for hours of hard core non stop action and the equipment provoked the most intense neuro chemical response in my body possibly imaginable without dying and going to heaven. I had the pleasure of experiencing this for many years. I was with him when I first became exposed to the administration of pain and other stimuli in BDSM on television, in an effort to approximate the intense endorphine activity in sex that my beau and I experienced effortlessly.

Equiped with my personal ecstatic experiences under my belt, my initial gut reaction upon seeing the use of flogging etc in a hope of adding some intense endorphine activity to sex was one of sympathy. I thought, what a shame, they don't have a hot stud like the one I had and there would be absolutely no need to search for other approximations. In essence, I thought that perhaps the absence of a good performer in bed was the motive for the allusive search for substitutes as whipping, clothes pins or whatever else. Since pressure of whatever form will cause the similar neuro chemical reactions in the body, I viewed it as a desperate search to find SOMETHING , ANYTHING that could bring about the intense feelings in sex spoken of by others.

What are your feelings? Have you ever had a partner that could really blow your socks off? I mean REALLY, multiple orgasms for HOURS! Do you think that having that at your disposal constantly would preclude the desire for pain? Or is there another motve all together?

< Message edited by LunaVenus -- 3/5/2009 8:02:14 AM >

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 8:22:44 AM

DesFIP

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I don't enjoy pain at all. And yes, my partner is incredible. But the same way a superb meal doesn't need a decadent pot au chocolat, a superb sex round for me is improved by adding bondage. It just adds that something extra, the whipped cream and cherry on the sundae if you will.

Since you don't need pain play, why do you bother to do it?

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 8:25:33 AM

Amythest

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I have to admit I enjoy the pain the most during pleasure and usually when I am in control of how much pain and where. It seems to be a spice that adds a little bit more to the pleasure. Allows me to experience more pleasure as my body deals with the pain.

As far as blowing my socks off. My husband is the best at oral sex that I've ever had. Most guys say they are good at oral or willing to go for a long period, but they can't satisfy me the way he can. I am capable of having multiple small orgasms until I finally get to the one earth-shattering one where I'm simply too overwhelmed and sensitive to have another one, where every touch makes my body convulse like a grand mal seizure. He is the only one who will go that far. Most men will stop after the first ripple and think they've done a good job.

When it comes to straight sex I've had a few partners who even though they only stuck to missionary or doggie-style made up for a lack of imagination with having the right sized penis and the right rhythm to hit the right spot over and over again. Also there was a kind of chemistry between us that seemed to mean more than the sex. Just being with them made the experience much more intense than the actual act could account for. Maybe it was pheremones? Who knows, but even now I think back on it and it makes me hot.

I have always found anticipation is the best part of any encounter. Lying there tied up and blindfolded waiting for sensation, taking off our clothes slowly and seeing who will wind up on top, giving a massage and seeing how far things will go... I live for the rush of knowing what could happen, but not knowing what will happen.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:16:26 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaVenus

What are your feelings? Have you ever had a partner that could really blow your socks off? I mean REALLY, multiple orgasms for HOURS! Do you think that having that at your disposal constantly would preclude the desire for pain? Or is there another motve all together?

No, it would not preclude my desire for the stimuli of Pain. For me, pain and sex have little if anything to do with each other. I've had some outstanding living toys in my bed at various points in my life - some of whom also knew how to weild a whip, others who didn't. While I am intensely sexual, I do not enjoy sexual stimulation that lasts for "hours" - it becomes an annoyance rather than a pleasure. The whip, on the other hand, I can not only tolerate for hours at a time, I actually Prefer extended sessions with. (I've had a couple of sadists tell me that they are Not simply a flogging machine, damnit.)

The activities - good hard sex, good hard beating - elicit different responces from me on both the physical and psychological level. And the physical and psychological tend to feed off each other, creating a loop. Given the choice - I could go without sex for years. In fact, I have at times in the past, when I couldn't find someone that met my minimum standards. A long, deep bruise inducing, nearly blood letting SM session though - I tend to get exceptionally cranky if I have to go without those for extended periods of time, and become downright anti-social and vicious.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:18:25 AM

Vendaval

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I am the one giving the pain rather than receiving it but that said, why choose between one or the other? Life is a banquet.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:19:12 AM

BoiJen

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well...I refuse to choose...

Mind blowing painful sex is the best!

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:28:42 AM

Vendaval

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(High 5's boijen)

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:31:45 AM

BoiJen

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you see the only reason things can't work between us Vendaval is that I can't remain silent or level-headed and my patience is going the older I get....oh and MsKitty would object.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:33:17 AM

Vendaval

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Well of course Ms. Kitty would have to give permission first.

But all the rest of these "difficulties" are such small inconveniences....creative minds you know...

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"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
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http://KinkMeet.co.uk

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:37:27 AM

BoiJen

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At this point in time, had this conversation been face to face, I would have tried to pull off "I don't have to ask MsKitty for permission for sex" but I wouldn't have been able to pull it off with a straight face...I practically follow that Woman around going...

"Can I the sex now?...What about now?...Is now good?...I need it."

She is the Woman with the magic pussy...this is the initial result of my research though I have yet to make an official conclusion as I still need more time to research this more fully.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/5/2009 9:41:44 AM

Vendaval

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The Magic Pussy always wins!

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"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/6/2009 9:16:52 PM

DavanKael

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Have had mindblowing sex. Hope to have more.
Haven't experienced a lot in the way of erotic delivery of pain, though what I have experienced has had a certain 'shimmer' from the endorphin rush that is similar to the 'floaty' surreality of mindblowing sex.
If I had to choose, I'd go with mindblowing sex.
If I have an option, I'll go with mindblowing sex and occasional erotic delivery of pain.
Oh, and intimacy and love amp up everything for me. Yeppers, a pervy romantic am I! :>
Davan

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/6/2009 10:39:56 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaVenus

What are your feelings? Have you ever had a partner that could really blow your socks off? I mean REALLY, multiple orgasms for HOURS! Do you think that having that at your disposal constantly would preclude the desire for pain? Or is there another motve all together?

I'll just echo the chorus: your assumptions that there is something "desperate" and "inferior" about the pleasure that a masochist takes in pain is both clueless and foolish. Masochism is just a rare but recurring difference in human neurological and emotional wiring. It goes back to the dawn of time, as near as I can tell. Ritual and sexual masochism is found in countless forms in countless human societies, and is often used as a path to the divine realms precisely because "subspace" is such an uplifting sensation.

Others have already pointed out that your own sexual "wiring" is not universal; multi-orgasmic people of either sex are a great delight to play with, don't get me wrong, but they aren't all that common. Hyperactive sexuality may be a hot fantasy, but the reality for most people that non-stop sexual stimulus would be torturous and unpleasant, not "fun". Sexual ecstasy and stimulation, by the way, is also used a route to enlightenment, but it is FAR less commonly used than pain, cross-culturally speaking!

From my point of view, the kind of masochist who generates powerful endorphins from the administration of pain are not a huge percentage of the population, but like multi-orgasmic people they are very blessed and fortunate individuals. They have a door that opens to trancendent ecstasy and can open any time they find the right partner. That's a wonderful thing.

I would here hazard a guess that people who lose themselves truly rapturously in music, or those who can become literally addicted to adrenaline, might be somewhat the same. Everyone can touch on these experiences somewhat, but certain people seem to have more sensitivity, or a more profound response, or a greater hunger and capacity to endure the necessary rigors--? I am just guessing, however. The only mindstates that affect me this much are those resulting from exercise or sleep deprivation.

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 3/6/2009 10:41:16 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/6/2009 10:56:17 PM

Racquelle

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Actually, I think it is a fascinating point you make. I myself am a dominant, and I have no erotic reaction to pain (receiving). I think people get into "this" for all kinds of reasons, seeking gratification in many forms. I can definately see that pain can be sought as a "fuck" substitute. I am sure I know several women who can relase themselves to the suffering of extreme pain well before they can release themselves to standard intercourse.

For me, the food ref is always good. I like to think I have a very broad menu, but a gourmet menu. I love what is done well, from a good old fashioned fuck to beating the snot out of a bound, gagged sub, to blood play to...well, I haven't finished writing the menu yet. I would say, I pretty much always seek a little kink, but yeah, sometimes when I am with someone who is just a fantastic fuck I don't feel the need for it to be anything else with that person. Of course, it's not ever really just that person for me. I like to have a couple lovers and a couple subs and maybe some non D/s ish kinksters to play with - so I can eat whatever meal I am hungry for.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/6/2009 11:27:08 PM

girlygurl

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You've made me hungry Racquelle

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/7/2009 12:40:08 PM

LunaVenus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

but like multi-orgasmic people they are very blessed and fortunate individuals. They have a door that opens to trancendent ecstasy and can open any time they find the right partner. That's a wonderful thing.

I would here hazard a guess that people who lose themselves truly rapturously in music, or those who can become literally addicted to adrenaline, might be somewhat the same. Everyone can touch on these experiences somewhat, but certain people seem to have more sensitivity, or a more profound response, or a greater hunger and capacity to endure the necessary rigors--? I am just guessing, however. The only mindstates that affect me this much are those resulting from exercise or sleep deprivation.

I would like to say that I have that kind of blissful experience all the time but I don't :(
It was really only that guy who could could make me feel that way. I have not found anyone since him that could make me feel all of that. In fact I would almost say he ruined me for all other men. Because it is extremely difficult to find someone to compare to him. Honestly most men since him have totally bored me. Or at least, it's been difficult for them to keep my attention. I wish I could have that extremely blissful experience with just anybody. But I can't. A couple of men have come close, over the years. but no one really compared. Usually they were that LOOK, or TYPE like him.

Neither giving or receiving pain does anything at all for me. Personally I don't see any comparison at all to sex. (for ME) Even bad sex is better than whipping somebody ....for ME. And the idea of me getting whipped is a complete NO NO. Certainly in NO WAY whatsoever pleasurable. Of course it stings, but I find that annoying and pisses me off more than anything. While swinging a whip is like a task but no thrill whatsoever.

< Message edited by LunaVenus -- 3/7/2009 1:00:15 PM >

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/7/2009 1:27:24 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaVenus

I would like to say that I have that kind of blissful experience all the time but I don't :(

Sorry to hear that. Masochism can also be very conditional. The right blow from the right person can send the masochist to the moon--but the exact same pain inflicted in the wrong context or by the wrong person is just pain, mundane and nasty.

It is really amazing how much our physical sensations and responses flow from within, rather than being external to us.

In any case, I'm sorry to hear that this route to ecstasy is closed off for you. I cannot process pain in that way myself, so far as I know. But I certainly empathize with a good bottom while they are on this journey--on some cases it is downright shamanic, and an amazing experience.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/7/2009 3:37:51 PM

MrRodgers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't enjoy pain at all. And yes, my partner is incredible. But the same way a superb meal doesn't need a decadent pot au chocolat, a superb sex round for me is improved by adding bondage. It just adds that something extra, the whipped cream and cherry on the sundae if you will.

Since you don't need pain play, why do you bother to do it?

I agree...everything is an addition to what we have or should be. I have found though that certain ones shouldn't write of this whipped cream, cherry and sundae in any first or early email.

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/7/2009 11:32:13 PM

proudsub

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The addition of pain is what gives me the "mind blowing lay".

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RE: BDSM vs A Mind Blowing Lay - 3/8/2009 10:53:26 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LunaVenus
my initial gut reaction upon seeing the use of flogging etc in a hope of adding some intense endorphine activity to sex was one of sympathy. I thought, what a shame

My initial gut reaction, upon reading your post, was what a shame that your sex life is so limited as to only have mind-blowing sex from the ministrations of one person. Some of us have mind-blowing sex in a variety of ways. You have my sympathies.

Cali

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