RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 3:50:01 PM

Lyku

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/12/2005
From: Buffalo, NY
Status: offline

I'm going to repeat something Darklotus said...well...the "My two cents" part.

I can definately see where you were coming from. If the man claimed he was experienced, and the rope techniques he was using was not safe, then either he lied about having done this for years or is merely unique. It is good that you took the submissives safety into mind. After all, one of the last things I want to think of is someone dying over someone being ignorant. Now, he immediately turned you down. Was his submissive there when you made the offer. Perhaps he felt insecure. Perhaps, like a certain individual who posted, he figured your interest was in taking the submissive from him instead of actually helping. Now...one things that KIND of bothered me was the fact you referred to him as a deadbeat Dom. Now...maybe you said this because it rolls off the tongue, the set of D words. He invited you into his home and showed you his pictures. It is possible that the pictures themselves may not give him credit. She is still with the man, so hopefully she is satisfied with his ways to some degree. Everyone has different styles. I know that the photos from how you sound were displayed inappropriately...some dangerous because you think that she could be hurt from there improper displaying. It's odd to say, but I have seen many photos that make things look dangerous because sometimes the couple likes the thrill. For kings sake, there are women who ride wooden horses. Some don't do the lifestyle because it is safe. We all have different views on things. Some are more sadistic than others. However...from the looks of it...they are happy with each other. They are husband and wife, so I am assuming he does love her. So my view is let them continue how they have continued in the past. I know you said you are leaving it be, which is good, but try not to let it get under your skin and settle within your mind because that will never help. If she has gone to the hospital to a few times because of his style, then I would be worried. Otherwise, no matter how abstract it might seem, I would say trust that he has an idea of what he is doing. This lifestyle requires alot of trust, and from the looks of it, the submissive still trusts him.

_____________________________

If I took life deadly serious, I might of accidently killed myself by now. O.O

For the dear ladies. How to cope with stress:
Take a deep breath
Relax
Submit

It's just three easy steps.

(in reply to Darklotus)

Post #: 41

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 4:08:30 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter
#1 - no it wasnt that the ropes were not pretty - they are unsafe - improperly positioned on the rib cage - circulation issues

Might I ask how the ropes were "improperly positioned on the rib cage"?

Was this in addition to circulation issues?

If those were separate, how did you determine there were circulation issues? After all, circulation issues (as opposed to potential nerve damage) are usually a matter of time, and you were looking at photographs?

Just trying to get a clear idea of what was being seen.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 42

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 7:18:48 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

Doesn't pass the smell test, man. Yeah, I want to know more about these important safety issues from fully a year ago that had you so worried. Or maybe you just explain things very poorly. Did you actually go to these people's house for dinner and then leave abruptly after only a glass of beer, after just seeing those photos?

I nominate the OP as the "Wank of the Day."

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 43

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/26/2006 1:02:48 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Make a Collarme thread about it. You've answered your own question.

(Personally, I'm going with the "reason why you're not content just to mind your own business is that you want this guy's wife and obviously aren't going to get her" theory. But you're the only one who really knows.)

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter

what to do?

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 44

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/26/2006 5:48:32 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Make a Collarme thread about it. You've answered your own question.

(Personally, I'm going with the "reason why you're not content just to mind your own business is that you want this guy's wife and obviously aren't going to get her" theory. But you're the only one who really knows.)

Lam

Nice to see you again LAM (maybe).

I think you've got a good theory there.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 45

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/26/2006 11:09:06 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

ahhh - here it is -
MrDiscipline44 - Thank you - I appreciate your "...approach this from a different angle ". I hadnt thought of it quite like that - I believe MY approach may very well have come off a bit elitist - I will definately try to keep this approach for the future...

LuckyAlbatross - I never did have a session with the sub - I agree with you completely - every person / body is different - due to the physical location of veins / arteries and such - but as was my concern with this sub - when extremities turn white - or blue - its too tight... its not right...

Darklotus - great idea - I have never been one for the bondage party - always somewhat of a loaner when it comes to events and such - still I should get out more - my experience is ever evolving and as I read and interpret a great deal of information on "the human condition" and anatomy - nothing takes the place of playing with like-minded others... sharing knowledge.

Lyku - Thank you very much - I appreciate your point of view - I am trying to find out if the couple is still together or not - its been some time and Im waiting on a few discreet call backs... Come to think of it - the sub did not really have a "get me out of here!" look to her - I assume she was happy - and you are right - some people are more sadistic than others and everyone has their own level of comfort and safety in mind. Thanks again.

JohnWarren - It is my understanding that ropes should always be as near to perpendicular to the ribs as possible... 'running with the ribs' can cause an inability for the lungs to expand properly - shortness of breathe - although in shibari you may find this in fact - if weaves are properly spread out it is much better...

Chain gang - a poor explanation maybe... still you werent there - I spent my evening there... and when I left - I made my way home to mind my own business... again - thanks for your thoughts...

as for more on the safety issues - we all define our own interpretation of "safe" - when I see white skin - bruising - blue... its too tight... is that still safe? It may be for others - it just didnt look right to me... When I heard she had passed out! Again it just didnt sound right to me.... I should have approached it with a little more tact!

Lordandmaster - all wrong brother... but thanks for the input.

So lets see what Ive got so far - mind my own business... dont be a dick... and leave it alone... - got it!

*(mental note - keep doin' what your doin') - share experience, share knowledge - try to be a better communicator and try to be concious of others - sweet!*

Thanks again to everyone - appreciate your time!
desoutter

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 46

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/26/2006 11:17:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter
LuckyAlbatross - I never did have a session with the sub - I agree with you completely - every person / body is different - due to the physical location of veins / arteries and such - but as was my concern with this sub - when extremities turn white - or blue - its too tight... its not right...

Again that depends. If done slowly and steadily, depending on the pressure and the endurance of the person, it might just be ok. Obviously it's something you want to keep and eye on and check, but it's nowhere close to automatic "wrong bad dangerous."

quote:

It is my understanding that ropes should always be as near to perpendicular to the ribs as possible... 'running with the ribs' can cause an inability for the lungs to expand properly - shortness of breathe - although in shibari you may find this in fact - if weaves are properly spread out it is much better...

Yes this can happen and should be watched for. Again, that doesn't mean it's wrong or bad or dangerous.

quote:

When I heard she had passed out! Again it just didnt sound right to me.... I should have approached it with a little more tact!

You seem to have a case of Seeing into the Edge, and freaked out yourself. Some people play edgy.

Now, these people might be stupid dorks who are playing way over their heads. But nothing you've said really notes anything except YOU getting freaked out. There's no clear evidence that anything happened was wrong or bad.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 47

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/26/2006 7:49:34 PM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I know its not my place to question any other dom's abilities, capabilities or disabilities... but I just feel for the situation...

what to do?

The first thing that you probably want to do is reexamine your definition of a good Dom. I could probably show you a number of knots, bends, turns, hitches, and other nifty rope tricks that you don't know. Does that mean I'm a superior dominant? Nope. I'm a sailor. That you would dispair at someone's lack of macrame skills to the point that you would worry about his subbie is, my friend, just plain wierd.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 48

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/27/2006 9:19:31 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Now, these people might be stupid dorks who are playing way over their heads. But nothing you've said really notes anything except YOU getting freaked out. There's no clear evidence that anything happened was wrong or bad.

LuckyAlbatross - This is definately a situation where it would have been better to have you there - than to explain - I think your right though - I did freak myself out a bit - I just never ran into a couple with such a... what is the word Im looking for... disregard? abandon? edge?

Im sticking to the stupid dorks though - nothing in what he said or did looked or sounded experienced...
Im still trying to find out whats going on with them now...

leonidas - tal fellow sailor (ex seabea here) I am reexamining my definition of a good dom as we speak - more importantly what makes me a good dom - hence the post... Now I dont look at any dom and try to determine if they or better or worse - this particualar situation - just plain freaked me out I guess... The situation caught me off gaurd... having never been in a situation where my gut feeling was - something is wrong... someone is gonna get hurt...
but as lucky albatross is saying - it might just be their thing and maybe it did just freak me out...

leonidas if you ever get to the Jamestown - Newport RI area - I sail out to the hot spots from time to time - "with plenty of freeboard and tree bark Ill be ready to heave ho!"
call me a drivelswigger if you want - and Ill be seein ya to davey jone's locker...

Thanks again!
desoutter

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 49

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/28/2006 8:45:03 PM

MasterOwnskitty

Posts: 97
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So, this guy appears to be a bit inexperienced. Why the title of the thread? What makes him a deadbeat Dom? When I saw that headline I thought maybe this guy was lazing around the house while his sub(s) worked to support him.

I was thinking the same thing when I saw the original post ... why was he labled a "deadbeat dom?"

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 50

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/29/2006 6:54:30 AM

MrThorns

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

What to do? Just what you did. You offered some assistance, he declined, you thanked him for the beer and went about your business. Sounds like the right thing to do.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 51

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/29/2006 2:28:47 PM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

MasterOwnskitty - I dont know - it sounded better than "SCHIZOID IDIOT ASS OF A DOM" - lol

Mr Thorns - Thank you.

Thank you again Ladies and Gentlemen...
desoutter

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 52

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/29/2006 2:36:35 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Maybe the topic should read "Semi-Idiot Roping Dom"
When I see "deadbeat" Dom, I think of a guy who makes his sub pay for everything!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 53

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/30/2006 6:48:09 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

RIGHT ON, KATYLIED! lol

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 54

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/30/2006 9:35:22 AM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

Quite frankly, desoutter, I see nothing in your original post or your subsequent replies that indicates you are a better Dom than the man you criticise or than anyone else here (a Boy Scout badge for Shibari notwithstanding). In fact your savage and insulting replies to anyone critical of you suggest that, far from having any mastery of yourself and honesty about your intentions, you are steeped in self-importance, obsessive by nature and ruled by an over inflated ego. Anger of this sort is a fear response.

You put the topic out there, stop bitching because there wasn’t a spontaneous outpouring of support for your myopic perspective. Deny it all you like, you have made it dayglow clear to me and many others here that your intentions were to get in on the action. The Dom picked up your clumsy attempt and politely, much to his credit, redirected you. Doesn’t sound like a deadbeat to me, sounds pretty classy.

Apart from their generous hospitality and perhaps a few minutes discussion while they tidied up, I doubt the couple in question has given any thought to you or your burning issues with their lifestyle choices. You, on the other hand, have obsessed over it for a year only to come here looking for … what? Sympathy? A posse of outraged citizens to take up pitchforks and torches and march on the castle to rescue who from what?

And how long have you been grumbling and gossiping about this in your local community? For the last year, we might presume. If people from that community frequent this board I can’t imagine that seeing you post this issue, with such revealing personal details, will have contributed anything positive to your reputation. Get a grip man.

The only person who needs rescue here, desoutter, is you. You are being held captive by delusions beyond your control. Although I am offended by your conduct I do not say the following as an insult but as a sincere suggestion for the improvement of your emotional health. Get counselling.

Z.

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to desoutter)

Post #: 55

RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/31/2006 9:07:00 AM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

zensee - I appreciate your response... Thank you.
desoutter

Better to struggle with a sick jackass than carry the wood by yourself.
zen proverb

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 56

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094