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Lonely - 3/5/2009 2:14:20 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		i know many of you out there will say and rightly so to anyone who isnt getting their wants/needs/desires fulfilled to talk to their Dominant and or if all else fails move on but what do you when your wants, needs, desires exceed on practical terms how much time you have to give?.  i am a single mum of three young children and of course i love them very much... could never be without them.  my Dominant spends a few hours once a week with me, i dont get much time alone... and He has been doing that for a couple of years now.  In lots of ways i am really lucky He has made that regular commitment to me, i am in love and in many ways He is perfect, we are very compatible.

So, i dont want to complain... after all how many Dominants out there really want a sub with three young children? not many i expect... it isnt really Him thats the problem... He is great... its me thats the problem in that i have found my true meaning to my life in this world... an aching i cant satisfy with a few hours per week...

Before i found submission i wondered what that void was, but now i have found it sometimes i wish i never had.  In lots of ways i can see if i dont want a vanilla partner i am better off with just casual play... but thats not what i want or need, i need a commited relationship with a Dominant man.

But i am run off my feet with looking after the kids on my own  Sometimes i look round my messy home which hard as i try never stays tidy (my 7 year old son has problems... hyper) and i cry knowing i have nothing good to offer apart from my willingness, commitment.and love.

Many thanks

t
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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 2:16:48 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Why can't you have a commited relationship?

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 2:17:08 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

i cry knowing i have nothing good to offer apart from my willingness, commitment.and love.
what else is there...seriously?

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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 2:22:14 PM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		Master is deployed. 'Has been since Sept' 08. Pomme and i will not see Him, save web cam, until October. i have a medical condition where i can't have UMs no matter how dearly i want to.

He is your dom, so obviously you are giving want he is wanting. Ask him, he would know better than we.

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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 2:29:45 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I've known many that truly enjoy their relationships but sometimes feel lonely.  If you get to meet once a week the craving is often for more, no matter how wonderful that time is.  You develop a deep bond with the person and find yourself thinking about them much of the time and it hurts not to be with them more.

The real question is whether you would be happier without him.  At least you have a relationship that it sounds like you enjoy, something to look forward to each week, and though you may be frazzled it brings you pleasure. 

What helped me was making friends with other women in situations similar to mine and emailing back and forth with them.  They kept me from feeling lonely in between sessions.  What I really needed was simply more attention - not necessarily from my Master but from people within the lifestyle.  I have three friends that I write to on a daily basis and that has made a huge difference in my feelings. 

If, on the other hand, you are settling for your Dom simply because he pays you attention even though you have a family then you aren't doing yourself any good.  It all depends on how valuable the relationship is to you.


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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 4:12:38 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

i cry knowing i have nothing good to offer apart from my willingness, commitment.and love.
what else is there...seriously?


I couldnt agree more...the rest will work itself out.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 4:27:36 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Now young lady you  march right into the bathroom and look in to the mirror and tell yourself no one is ever remembered for how clean their house was--they ARE remmebered for being a good parent and someone that someone else could love!

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 4:58:05 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Willingness, commitment, and love are precious.  Really!  Those things are where it's at. 
Would I be lying if I said that having a bunch of um's puts you at the top of the dating pool.  Yup.  But, you know what, who cares about the odds?  If we were all playing the odds for relationships to be successful, we should all curl up in a ball and cash it in now; the odds are against us (Even those people that you would think 'perfect'). 
What do you want in the relationship that you don't now have?  Is that a possibility? If so, what needs tohappen for it to come to pass?  If not, why are you hanging on to it? 
Figure out what you want.  I'm not a 'settling' sort; I want what I want and while I accept the person I am with imperfect as we all are, if I ever felt like I was settling, I'd toss in the towel and wish the other luck and joy as it does no one any service to  be the 'booby prize'. 
I'm sorry that you are stressed.  I don't know what it's like to have 3 ums.  But, that is a part of your life.  Someone who values you needs to value them too.  I think you have some thinking to do aobut what you really need and want and how to actualize those things in your life, how to be open to them. 
Best wishes,
  Davan
((And, Cat, I love what you said!!!))


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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 5:08:36 PM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		Really...you can have it all!  Just because you have young kids, it doesn't mean that no man would want to be with you always and forever!  A dom or vanilla, a man that truly wants you and loves you will love and want your children.
Master T and I are a blended family now...we started going out and between us, we have 7 kids...almost enough for a reality show!  He never once told me to lose the kids...he never once questioned our relationship (at least to me) because of my kids...and my kids are no angels...and they are rug rat sized!
A man that is honorable and loving will come your way and will take you and your kids as you are...just wait for Mr Right and believe that it will come to you...good luck!

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 5:32:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you can give willingness, commitment and love then you are ahead of 90% of the people I've known in my life.

I have a messy house, and an offspring with a mental illness. He doesn't think worse of me because of that, but more. He thinks more of me because I am committed to helping my daughter succeed. Because I think more about people's emotional needs than about the chairs not being pushed in or shoes left out.

You need a break. Can you swap sleepovers one night a month with a friend?
In the meantime, if your ums are young, then they go to bed early. So why can't you have a committed chat/phone/skype session every night at 10 for half an hour?

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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 8:11:08 PM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		I'm there NOW--so i do understand.  My desires are for a 24/7.   my Master is wonderful--get to meet at least once a week.  we chat/im daily.   But--life just doesn't make it possible right now for 24/7--from both of our ends.  **sigh**

What i keep telling myself--is that this is just a season of life--and will pass quickly.  I take time to value the good stuff (my kids).  I put aside time for MYSELF daily.  And i devour every decadent moment i can with him and remember it!

One thing that helped me LOTS--was i made a list of the things i was wanting out of a 24/7 relationship.  Once i had a comprehensive list--i crossed off the fantasy expectations.  As i looked over the rest of my list--i AM getting most of those goals met with my current Master.  (85% of them!) 

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RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 8:15:38 PM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		Pomme and i obey 24/7. Distance and absence change nothing.

_____________________________

FelineFae
All right reserved by Chaos
: Disclaimer :
Do not expose FelineFae to direct sunlight.
FelineFae cannot spell in any language.
Granting of Fae-Wishes VOID where prohibitededed.
Individual results may vary.


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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 9:40:49 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Men have come and gone in my life.  I have played, been in committed relationships, and enjoyed a life with kink most of my adult life.  It is what I am.  It is what I do.  It is not what gives my life true meaning. 
Men have come and gone in my life.  My children have been there through the ins and outs.  Men have come and gone in my life, they have loved me, left me, some have come back.  My children were not always with me physically, but they were always mine.  They loved me as I loved them.  There was never a doubt that they would come back.
They are fully grown now and some have gone.  But I can still say it is they that gave my life true meaning. 
I love sex.  I love kink.  But given the choice between what gives my life meaning.. there is no question for me who was more important in the scheme of things.
Kyst

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Lonely - 3/5/2009 10:23:59 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I live with my Sir but my kids are far away and, for the time being, I only get to spend an occasional week with them.  Sometimes, it makes me sad and lonely and I miss them dearly and wish for nothing more than to hug them tight.  Last week was a bad week that way.  I miss my mother too 'cause she passed away a couple years ago.  And my sister who lives far away.  I love Sir and am very content to be with him, but he's not a mister fixit magic man who makes all the bad stuff go away.   I still get lonely and tired.  And, the house still gets messy.  Some stuff just is what it is.  Life.

Be grateful for what you have and cherish the time you've got together.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Lonely - 3/6/2009 3:24:10 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

after all how many Dominants out there really want a sub with three young children?


You might be surprised. There are male Dom's out there that love and adore children. They even marry their subs sometimes and become great Step fathers to these children.

quote:

i have nothing good to offer apart from my willingness, commitment.and love.


Those are wonderful things to offer someone in a relationship. They are not found everyday. I know you say you love this Dom, but does he love you? I mean if he does he would care for your children and work to find someway to bring you all together under one roof. If he does not seem to be doing that, there must be something that is putting him off from doing that. Talk to him and see where his head is at. You need to know because you have not one, but four lives hanging in limbo as it were.

You sound depressed to me and perhaps its difficult to see the silver lining for the dark cloud. Believe me those clouds will go away one day and you will feel so much better. But whatever you do, never give up on yourself or your children. Love them, love yourself because quite frankly, Doms can come and go, your children are forever.

Good luck,
~Lashra



_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Lonely - 3/7/2009 3:41:21 PM   
quietcontrary


Posts: 28
Joined: 3/7/2009
Status: offline 		Sorry, my mommy mode kicked in and it is off topic, but you have more to offer then you realize.  You are the sole caregiver for those three kids.  YOU know what that means! You can cook, clean, do laundry, ballance check books, do home work, tie your hair up with a pencil, magically fix 'owwies' with a bandaid and a kiss, teach, learn, multi-task like none other.  The list never ends!!  I'm 'just a mom' and I have never had such a hard job, and my Master knew it, and he would sit back amazed watching me do what I do as a mom.  It took nothing away from our relationship, infact him knowing my children and loving them only made us closer.

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RE: Lonely - 3/7/2009 6:12:35 PM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good evening!
Well, I can say this- I have 3 kids as well and my own house and a hubby. That being said, I sometimes wonder why Daddy ever decided to take me on. I am so much trouble sometimes. And true, as I keep his house spotless, my will never be. That's just the way it is. I almost lost my hubby last year-blood clots-and during that time I had to imagine living with Daddy and having him 24/7 and figured out that it could never work...he is too tidy, I am a bit messy. He eats stuff from his garden, I like fast food, he watches action movies and cop shows, I watch football. Sometimes people who love each other very much and care about each other soooo much just cannot live together.

Also, think of your kids. They may get along well with him, but having him move in 24/7 and seeing how you act with him-even just in manner or speech-may really throw them for a loop. I have 2 step daughters and 3 grandaughters that go thru men in their house like crazy, and I can see generation after generation suffering the consequences of that AND repeating that behavior. Cannot wait to see how my 2 great granchildren will end up ::sighs:: There's always that chance that they could harbor some resentment towards both of you. Best to take it slow and know that he loves youand wants to be with you as you are. I know Daddy would love me to be single and no kids and perfectly healthy and young...but here I am older, pudgier, something's always hurting on me, 3 kids, and married. I cannot change and he still wants me. Go figure! lol Good luck darling!
Love,
Zechriel


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RE: Lonely - 3/8/2009 12:32:53 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		i was never good at keeping a tidy home. my grown children remember a caring mom that let them bloom. i split my free time between Master's and  my UM. i hate leaving either one.
i think all healthy children are hyper. LOL. enjoy the lil ones they dont stay that way long. you wont have toys to pick up after a few years and the only thing you wont miss is stepping on those damn legos in the dark .
there are many ways to serve and a lot of times you can be alone while doing it. learn to do something that will please. dancing , crafts cooking. think of your Master as you practice these things. write bad poetry about your feelings.
HUGGGSSSS always help and you have 6 pairs of arms for  giving you hugs. take advantage of them.

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weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

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Profile   Post #: 18
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