Titles (Full Version)

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lrishlass -> Titles (8/14/2004 7:09:51 PM)

I was just reading the thread on preferences for being called Master/Mistress and instead of confusing the issue there, am starting this thread.

Here's the scenario, a Dom and sub begin emailing to get to know each other and to see if there is enough in common to possibly pursue a relationship.

From the very beginning, the Dom requests that the sub refer to Him as "Sir" and in fact seems to feel quite strongly about it.

Subs, how would you respond?

Doms, is this something You request? require? ask for right from the start?


I'm curious to see how folks respond and will post my own feelings on the subject soon.


Thanks in advance :)



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 7:24:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lrishlass
Doms, is this something You request? require? ask for right from the start?


Until I am "under contract" I require no protocol whatsoever. This doesn't mean I am not in control, just that I don't feel I need to prove I am the Top by having anyone call me "Sir" or what not until we have formally established the dynamic.


I think such titles can be quite fun in scene and in relationships, but during an interveiw, or even a negotiation, they can be a bit much.

Yours,
Taggard



kiki blue -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 8:11:49 PM)

I would say that honorifics aren't something I use lightly, I use them when deserved. I'd also mention that as we're only "getting to know" each other, we need to get to know each other as people first to see if we're compatible there.



Sylverdawn -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 8:28:16 PM)

I prefer to be referred to as Ma'am or Ms... in general conversation with submissives.

I dont require it .. it is just my general preference and if asked I respond with my preference.

If I meet someone and am introduced to them as Bob Smith.. I will call him Mr Smith until such time as invited to call him Bob. Introduced to him as Bob, I will call him Sir until such time as invited to use his familiar name. Lifestyle.. MasterBob.. is MasterBob until such time as invited to call him Bob. Slavegirlsusan is slavegirl susan until such time as Masterbob invites me to call her slave, or susan or whatever. If he says "this is my slave susan" then susan is Ma'am until such time as she or he say .. "please call me/her susan." I dont invite people I dont know well to call me by my familiar name and perhap that is an outdated way of being but I think its presumptous to use a familiar form of address until invited to do so.

Living in the south the whole Sir and Ma'am thing is a pattern of speech I have easily fallen into..because Ive always used it, and so does everyone else. I call the check out girl at wallyworld Ma'am and I think she is about 17.

In a way for me honorifics as you call them are more important and have less meaning I g uess.. lifestyle titles take the place for me for those Mr and Miss, Ms, Miss do in general conversation. MasterBob isnt my Master so its like saying hello Mister SMith, Hello Miss White. I only invest worthfulness into those *titles* for those people who I have deep respect for.. MasterJim is in my mind a Master...he has done the work to be seen as someone who has Mastered something.. I suppose in that sense to me Master is not a noun indicating someone who is in charge but an adjective for someone who is expert at what they do; who has mastered the skill of D/s, if that makes sense.



SherriA -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 9:03:37 PM)

I would pretty quickly decide that this person was NOT a good match for me, and disengage.



stormiKnightBEAR -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 9:05:54 PM)

Good question.

Several different ways to answer.

This girl's Texas up bringing calls for Sir and Ma'am as a matter of respecting one's elders.
This girl's career has been one that required some form of customer service or dealing with
other businesses sales folks where again Sir and Ma'am are used as a form of courtesy.

On a getting to know basis, ....... There are two ways to look at this.

1.) By addressing one as Sir or Ma'am or Miss you are showing a willingness to please.
You are also showing that you are comfortable with those types of protocol.

2.) By most *codes of conduct* tho not written, respect is something that is earned by
a Dominant. So to be demanding of such is to this girl a bit arrogant. Who's to say
that this girl/boy will be yours or respect you???

For this girl.....there are those that stormi refused to call by title due to lack of respect. However,
by the same token, when asked a question, Sir or Ma'am easily rolls off the tongue.

It is this girl's opinion that it would be more.....flattering..... or note worthy if a submissive did it naturally
rather than to demand when you've never even met face to face.
Just this girl's nickel,
stormi
property of Master Bear



compes -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 10:15:39 PM)

I prefer just being called by my name. A title, or honorific of any sort is something I tend to reserve for those that I care about.

I was also raised to call people Sir or Ma'am. And 10 years of being in the military really reinforced that too! So I often call people Sir or Ma'am without even thinking about it. I've been working to break myself of automatically doing this because it seems to offend just as many people as it honors.

Compes



Sundew02 -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 10:30:46 PM)

Speaking from the Domme side, and of course just for me. When most males contact me they tend to use some form of title. I do not demand to be called Mistress, M'lady or whatnot. But if they are uncomfortable with calling me by my given name, I insist on Ma'am. Sundew



SherriA -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 11:18:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormiKnightBEAR

This girl's Texas up bringing calls for Sir and Ma'am as a matter of respecting one's elders.


Do you address people who identify as submissive or slaves as Sir/Ma'am as well? Just curious....

I've always had a bit of a pet peeve about this. People say that Sir/Ma'am are a sign of respect, but why is it that only people with dominant personalities are deserving of this symbolic deference? Frankly, I know a lot of people who identify as submissive that have earned my respect, and a lot of so-called masters who certainly haven't.

I have all kinds of people contact me and address me as "ma'am", but as soon as I tell them that I don't self-identify as dominant that immediately stops. I'll believe the honourific is about respect when I start seeing respected bottoms addressed this way as regularly as tops. Until then, I'm likely going to continue to see it as little more than an ego-rub.

(Within the parameters of an individual relationship it's a different matter I think. The folks in question can decide on whatever form of interaction suits them best, and more power to them for it. But as a general protocol in non-role-based settings I just don't buy the "respect" explanation, frankly.)



Estring -> RE: Titles (8/14/2004 11:37:37 PM)

To demand to be called Sir from first contact is a red flag in my book. One which I'll bet many subs/slaves ignore.
My slave calls me Sir, but anyone else can just call me by my real name, Zorax: Ruler of Earth. [:D]



dixiedumpling -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 12:02:19 AM)

To people who learned to say Ma'am and Sir as children and still use those terms to everyone now, it's probably more habit than respect.



MrThorns -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 12:52:00 AM)

If I am just speaking with someone online I don't ask that they address me as anything more than, "Hey you...". We have no contract, we have no negotiated understandings...we are just two people talking. Now, if this conversation leads into a session ...then typically, right after throwing a flogger and having her count the repetitions...I would lean over her shoulder and say, "This would be a good time for you to start referring to me...as Sir."

~Thorns



jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 1:55:31 AM)

Compes,
i was brought up that way also. i guess i am old fashioned in some ways and i see nothing wrong with using it. If someone tells me not to, of course, then i won't.



iwillserveu -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 2:05:07 AM)

In my experience with Dommes it always varies on a case by case. I have never written a Dom.[:)] (Well, as a Dom.)

If Sirat of aol insisits I call him sir while playing chess, it won't affect my game.[:)]



QnofH3arts -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 3:16:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lrishlass

Here's the scenario, a Dom and sub begin emailing to get to know each other and to see if there is enough in common to possibly pursue a relationship.

From the very beginning, the Dom requests that the sub refer to Him as "Sir" and in fact seems to feel quite strongly about it.

Subs, how would you respond?

Doms, is this something You request? require? ask for right from the start?


I have never requested nor required that a submissive refer to Me as anything. If a submissive asks how s/he should address Me, I state, "However you are most comfortable."

When a submissive first contacts Me, if they repetitively refer to Me as "Ma'am" a red flag goes up. Do they do this with everyone who calls themselves a dominant? I question their judgement. Get to know Me first before you start throwing honorifics around like confetti.

However, once you belong to Me and the beatings have commenced, prepare yourself to call Me "OHGOD".[;)]

Back on a serious note, I do believe it is very possible to show respect for a person, whether dominant or submissive, without ever using a title. I find that type of respect to be so much more rewarding than the habitual use of "Ma'am".

And here in the south, it is very common for people to raise their children to respectfully address their elders by Sir, Ma'am or Ms." It is only through face to face communication that one can tell whether the use of that title is sincere or simply habit.



NightDaughter -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 12:32:41 PM)

I've had a number of dominants after the first letter insist rather strongly that i call them Sir or Ma'am, my answer is prity much always the same.

"I do not call anyone but my dominant Sir or Ma'am. You are neather, and if you do insist on being called that, I am not the sub for you. Have a good day"

So normaly after that I never head from them again, but a few did return the email and we did chat further, though nothing ever became of it. Whch was fine with me, since most of the time I found them to not be that interesting and our expetations of things to be rather far appart when it came down the the simple things in life (friends, family, work, etc).



happypervert -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 7:26:49 PM)

I suspect the guys who are demanding to be called Sir or Master from the first e-mail are typing with one hand.



ScorpioMaster -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 8:22:18 PM)

When I am training a new girl I require addressing me as sir while I know some subs who are collar will address other Dom’s as sirs. I think this protocol should be done until the person prove they lost your respect for them.



Estring -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 8:29:20 PM)

Scorpio, the point of your post escapes me. What are you saying?



theroebabe -> RE: Titles (8/15/2004 8:31:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lrishlass

From the very beginning, the Dom requests that the sub refer to Him as "Sir" and in fact seems to feel quite strongly about it.

Subs, how would you respond?

Thanks in advance :)


Well since i have learned alot in the last 4 years and have sent a few doms packing when they start off this way, i tell them sorry i dont know you, i dont know if i want to know you and no i will not address you this way. They dont seem to want to talk to me after that, which is fine by me. lol

But to me it is a big issue and i will not address a dom in general as Sir or anyother honorific until i feel we are in some sort of real time relationship where he should have my respect in that manner.

Roe



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