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B1gbear -> RE: Are there no Romantic doms out there? (2/4/2006 2:37:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: submissivemiss38
I am looking for a dom who is fair but firm.....who can control me in the bedroom and out of it..........that would want a 24/7 relationship...a loving one..why are they so hard to find?
There will be a thousand different opinions on this one. To say there aren't that many would be fooling yourself. I would suggest that most who seek a long term committed relationship is a caring Dom. Those who don't want an emotional commitment tend to keep to shorter term relationships or prefer one sided commitments that leave them an easy out. Here's an idea, ask them up front of they think love can be part of the D/s or M/s relationship. Its hard to be in a long term one on one or even poly relationship and not have feelings and emotions grow into something more than a distanced non-caring playtime relationship.
There is a huge responsibility taken on as a Dominant when you collar a sub. If you don't care about the sub, then what in the world would you want to take on those responsibilities for them as their Dom. Many do keep a distanced non-loving, contractual type relationship, but even in those I would suggest there is some degree of caring, even if it is not love. I think the problem is too many Dom's who don't know enough about what they are getting into in this lifestyle dynamic to take it as serious as they should. That and both Doms/subs who look for this lifestyle to fill a void in relationships in their life to begin with.
If you had a hard time finding a loving caring relationship before you found this lifestyle, don't look for it to be any different now as that is usually the sign that another problem in your life, not the type of people you find here in this lifestyle.
I have been in this lifestyle for many years and I have seen three consistant things in that time. In the local public scene I have seen those who swear there are no good Doms/subs in which to form a caring relationship with. I have seen just as many in caring/loving relationships, and I have seen countless numbers online who swear what thy seek can't be found. Is the cup half empty or half full? We seek one of the most difficult dynamics to make work on CM. Is it no wonder finding that one person who is right for you is difficult? Those who keep their search to their local communities have a difficult time as well, but they manage. Just as many do find what they seek through here I'm sure.
What you failed to mention in what you seek on here is a Dom that also has chemistry with you and wishes to be with you as much as you wish to be with the Dom. You could find a thousand Doms that fit your criteria, but if the chemistry isn't right, they will not respond or fill that void for you. There may be only one of those out there for you. I am not trying to bilittle your frustration or pain as it may be in your words. Just give you an objective viewpoint to consider outsider your own emotions on the subject.
There is a term I use when mentoring new Doms and subs... Patience!
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