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The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 7:58:50 AM

cserpent2

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/4/2008
Status: offline

How do female slaves / submissives want to be approached on this site?

(I usually just say hi, mention a couple things in her profile, and ask if she would like to chat. 9 times out of 10 there is no response. I have also tried writing a lot, but that seems silly since I already have a detailed profile. I think I have a lot to offer. How do you get a conversation going on here? And are women here even open to meeting someone new? Please help. Thanks!)

Post #: 1

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 8:04:20 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Be yourself.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to cserpent2)

Post #: 2

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 8:07:50 AM

cuffncollar

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/21/2008
Status: offline

Just keep doing what you are doing!

(in reply to cserpent2)

Post #: 3

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 8:11:28 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

If you wrote to her in the first few days she is on the site, your email is lost in the midst of between 100 and 400 other emails. Take that into account. One woman i know says that the consistent note every few days method stands out, other says that she thinks that feels like stalking and starts ignoring them on email 3.

just keep trying? You may have tons to offer and be ready for something right this moment, but she still has to make it to your email in the first place.

edited to add
PS the car picture might be a little over the top unless you are really looking for a trophy wife who wants you just for the status and financial stuff.

< Message edited by feydeplume -- 3/7/2009 8:13:43 AM >

_____________________________

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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 4

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 8:13:27 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When I had my profile up I always liked being approached by men on here who would find something from my profile to talk about or who were simply polite and respectful. Starting out with "hi" is fine also but then please come back with something thoughtful.

Since I'm no longer seeking anything other than maybe chat or friends now...well the same holds true as long as they are aware that it's not going to lead to anything else because it won't.

(in reply to cuffncollar)

Post #: 5

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 8:15:02 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Fully agrees with Sari. No matter what the gender of a sub, usually the best approach is to bypass the dom label and show the person that you are a human just like they are. Show that you have interests outside the kink, I mean face it, we do lead very ordinary lives and the kink isn't the end all be all to a relationship. I've recently been claimed by another and what worked on me was he reached to my heart and got all of me and my submission. Any other way would have resulted in me walking away without hesitation. It sounds sappy yet it's the honesty which did it for me.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 6

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 8:36:24 AM

BeIgnited

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline

What you're doing sounds good, and getting a response is more of a numbers game.

But maybe it's how you're phrasing it. You say you mention things in her profile--do you say something like "Hi, I see you like biking and spanking. Me too! Would you like to chat?"

or is it more like "Hi, I see you like biking and spanking. I'm a member of a bike club myself. We hit the trails about once a week when the weather's nice. Do you bike often? Do you prefer biking on the street or something more scenic? Hope to hear from you soon."

The first is nice, but leaves very little room for conversation. Who wants to 'chat' with someone if it seems like the whole conversation is going to be pulling teeth from the outset?

I'm not looking, but I'll still occasionally still engage in conversation if someone says something that catches my eye. I'm far more likely to respond to something like the latter.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 9:26:20 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How do female slaves / submissives want to be approached on this site?

You think there's a rule? If you do find the surefire success form letter you'll let us know, right?

(in reply to cserpent2)

Post #: 8

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 1:20:43 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I agree with what BeIgnited said. You have to sound like you really ARE interested in her. For example, I have a journal entry that's about 3 pages back in my journal that talks about what people say on their profiles. One of the things I said was, "why does no one say I'M DUMB AS A ROCK?" in their profile.

So when I get an email that says something like, "you crack me up... that whole thing with DUMB AS A ROCK", then I know they've read more than the first four lines of my profile, and I am much, much more likely to respond.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 9

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 1:43:19 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you went into a bar and said "nice shirt, want to chat with me?", what kind of response would you expect to get?

Because that is the equivalent of sending random emails out.

In addition to mentioning something in her profile, which ought to be something nonsexual, respond with a short couple of sentences concerning your experience in the same area. So if she says her best friend for years was her Akita, you should respond by saying that it struck a chord in you, and that you still miss your Lab. And add a funny anecdote.

This opens the door for her to talk to you safely and nonsexually about a subject you have in common. But under no circumstances say "Wanna chat?". That's a guaranteed turn off. Just email and try to see if you have enough in common to develop any kind of friendship. Because most of your time together will be done when not in bed.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 10

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 1:43:25 PM

Jackie4the1

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

Cserpent.. It's been said, subs are human too. You're doing the right thing. Keep doing what you're doing. Engage them in conversations relating to their profile.

Well, let me be honest (not this profile) having been on this site for a while, there are a few different types of subs that I've talked to that have stuck out in my mind. Their are the girls who are fresh into their submission and want to drop to their knees at the first man (or woman) that comes around with a capitilization in their title. Those are the one's that will not respond to you out of a sense of honor for the person that messaged them before you do, not realizing you may very well be only wanting to get to know them.

There are those girls that have the mindset of being here through a screen only. They don't have the realization that this is real for people, it's not just about the hidden icon on your computer. Those are the one's that are more likely to respond to the 'I like bikes and spanking, lets chat!', I hope for your sake you're greatful they turned you up.

I'm sure there are a million other kinds and some one of a kinds out there that I could go into, but just from my personal little opinion. I am much more likely to respond to someone who is confident, upfront, inquisitive and inteligent. If someone can capture two of those four things in the first few sentances of a message, then they have my attention, and my response. As far as keeping the conversation going, well that's another matter..

Good luck!
~*~MQC

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 11

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 2:40:49 PM

serisa

Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

i would always want to know exactly what someone is looking for especially if its not clear from the profile. While chat for chats sake can be nice at times i wouldnt want to spend time corresponding with someone for long if say... You are looking for someone to do kidnap role play with and i want a long term Master. something else i cant always clearly tell from profiles is if they are vanilla kinksters or into the whole D/s, M/s lifestyle. After that id like to know... pain for pleasure/pain for punishment etc etc and what You are like as a person eg loving/kind or harsh and cruel that will treat you like a worthless thing.

if i was on the look out for someone just this info alone would be enough of a start to help me decide if i want to take time to chat

(in reply to cserpent2)

Post #: 12

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 2:49:32 PM

serisa

Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

i really should have read Your profile b4 posting as now i see You have already got a pretty good profile that is pretty detailed to what You want... apologies, still not sure though of You are looking for just sexual submission/kink within perhaps a marriage or a more strict 'lifestyle M/s'.

(in reply to serisa)

Post #: 13

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 3:51:28 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You seem to think that 9 out of 10 is bad odds. I don;t think so. Women on this site get flooded with cmails.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to serisa)

Post #: 14

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 3:57:13 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Appropriately, in that they understand from the outset that i am owned and collared. More than a little fed up of those folk who contact me out of the blue in the hopes of some kind of relationship other than friendship. i would love to fathom out how people can read a profile and miss the bloody obvious!

Just because i am a member on a kink site doesn't mean i am available and open to inappropriate advances from people all over the world, wanting to start a relationship with me, saying they know i am compatible, almost ordering me to IM them or email them without delay.

Who do they think they are, or more to the point, who do they think i am?

If you are going to approach someone who is actually available, or if you want to make friends, have the decency not only to read their profile, but to think if they really sound like they would be interested in you. Approach them with enough reference points to show that you understood their profile, and give them open questions so that they have a starting point from where to continue the contact if they have a mind to.

That, and never expect a response, it is not compulsory, especially if you contact someone who states they don't want to be or who would rather make their own approaches when they find someone who interests them.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to cserpent2)

Post #: 15

RE: The Right Approach - 3/7/2009 5:59:46 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

Personally for me I am turned off when someone instantly wants to chat or puts in their first email lets chat.
I perfer someone who tells me a little about themselves and is willing to exchange a few emails via CM before
moving to IM or phone chat. That is just me. Your profile is very detailed and you just have to keep trying.
As well, though I don't know how much success one might find, but going to munches, getting involved
in your local community is another avenue to pursue in finding someone suitable.

(in reply to pinkwind)

Post #: 16

RE: The Right Approach - 3/8/2009 9:06:47 AM

cserpent2

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/4/2008
Status: offline

That's interesting. I actually was using the word "chat" to mean let's correspond. Let's get a conversation going via EMail. Guess I'll have to use a different term.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 17

RE: The Right Approach - 3/8/2009 10:19:20 AM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

How do female slaves / submissives want to be approached on this site?

You think there's a rule? If you do find the surefire success form letter you'll let us know, right?

...requests to be added to the mailing list also...

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 18

RE: The Right Approach - 3/8/2009 10:24:51 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I wasn't particularly thrilled with the profile. Yes, there's a lot of detail to it, but I didn't find a lot that would have interested Me. Might be one of the reasons that I'm not a sub.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to YoursMistress)

Post #: 19

RE: The Right Approach - 3/8/2009 10:29:28 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

They say that you should read 50 pages of a book before you determine if its good enough to spend time reading it till finish.

Sometimes, with a little more description of yourself (not physical), there will be something that sparks in the readers eye that will compel them to reply.

(in reply to YoursMistress)

Post #: 20

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