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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/9/2009 10:52:22 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		My Master expects me to tell him what my needs are.  Of course weather he meets them or not is up to him.  We are very much in sync though usually my needs are something he already intended to do with me.  if i have a need that is not being met( has not happened in 3 years) i would tell my Master.  Like others they are Doms not mind readers.

Matt's littleone


(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/9/2009 5:00:13 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		No matter the dynamics in a relationship, if it all melts down, you're left with you and you have ultimate responsibility for yourself. 
  Davan

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(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/9/2009 7:55:51 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		In getting my needs met, the most important step is surrounding myself with people who just by being themselves meet needs that I have.  As far as my needs for a relationship, the same thing applies; I had to make sure that my needs would be met just by him being himself.

Within the relationship, we have a very specific mindset in that we all three seek to give to the relationship.  We have picked the right people and the right structure for our relationship and it will naturally give us everything that we need and much of what we want as long as we continue to feed, grow and nuture the relationship.  The first priority is the relationship and in giving the relationship what it needs, we get what we need.

We have had people come into our lives and seek to take or get all they could out of their interactions with us, so we have felt the difference between the two mindsets.  Those who focused on taking from the relationship drained us and as a result their interactions with us are limited and many even diminished over time.  Anyone else who wants to be a part of our family, will have to come with the same mindset of 'giving to the relationship and in giving to it, I will get what I need'.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 5:33:35 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70
Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?


See this is where I get confused.  If they are my needs, why would I expect anyone else to meet them?  And further, why would I threaten to leave a relationship if they don't meet my needs?  I need air.  Is it up to my Master to tell me to breathe?  Is it up to my Master to provide me with food, shelter, clothing?  Is it up to my Master to ensure my happiness or contentment?  No, those things are my needs, my responsibility!  It is also not my responsibility to provide my Master with food, shelter, clothing, happiness or contentment.  He is responsible for His own needs.

However, (and Mercnbeth express it better than I can) there is a third entity called The Relationship, and it is the equal duty of both of us to provide for the needs of The Relationship.

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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 5:50:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

It's your responsibility to pick the right dominant, who enjoys giving you the kinds of things that work best for you.


BINGO! If every submissive who comes here reads only one line, I hope its this one!
 
Dominants are not gods, they are human, pick a bad human, you have a bad relationship.


They don't have to be bad people, just not compatible to end up with a bad relationship.

If I had entered into a relationship with a sadist who disliked bondage, then we would both be unhappy. But neither one of us would by definition be bad people. We simply wouldn't have been compatible.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 11:47:44 AM   
librarysub


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments? 


http://www.collarchat.com/m_2498644/tm.htm

I think you need to read the above thread.
You are the equivalent of the dom in Prin's dialog. 
 
You asked for comments?  Here it is..... keep it in your mind that I see you as a "do me slave" cause its all about you....you..... you.....you....you.  


But part of the first quote is "too long". There really is only a certain amount of time that anyone should either do without a basic need/want (ie. affection, communication / the basics) or sustain being ignored or punsihed. That doesn't make someone a do me. Dom/mes do have responsibilties in a relationship and if they can't provide those or communicate what's stopping them, then it's not unreasonable to leave. That's part of using the common sense that is so often requested in other threads.

< Message edited by librarysub -- 3/10/2009 11:53:01 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 11:51:56 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		IMHO and my Sir's, I really do not care who else thinks this...  someone who considers themselves more important in a relationship than the other and wants (demands) her needs, not today but yesterday or she leaves... is thinking only about themsleves.  This is, in our definition, a "do me" sub/slave.

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 3/10/2009 12:20:24 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 2:03:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not sure how you got from someone bewailing the fact that her needs are totally unmet to being a demand to have it done yesterday or else.

Beyond that, most people start out as do me subs and service tops. They have an itch they want scratched. There's nothing wrong in that as long as you both negotiate it ahead of time. I'm a bondage fanatic, I freely admit it. If he announced I couldn't ever again have that, and not give me any good reason for it except that he chose to deny me permanently, I might well start withdrawing from him and end up with a broken relationship.

I'd do the same if he announced I couldn't ever again in my life have a chocolate bar. I am not turned on by denial. I know some people are but I'm not. More importantly, he already knew this before we started. Announcing I had to suddenly love being told I'm not worth getting my needs met isn't going to work. Because I won't. And if that makes me a do me sub by your definition, fine by me.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 2:59:28 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Sir told me something once, and it made perfect sense.  He can do alot for me, but He can't make me happy.  Happiness is my choice....He can't order me to be happy.  That's not within His power.  When i accepted that, it changed the way i view D/s, and even more so, life in general. 

Often, unhappiness is the result of what we feel are unmet desires, or needs.  Look inside for the answer first, and it may change the way you adress the issue with your Dominant, and the way you are able to work through the issue.  Relying on another to provide happiness, or need fulfillment will lead to certain disappointment.

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 8:09:37 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		                   
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm not sure how you got from someone bewailing the fact that her needs are totally unmet to being a demand to have it done yesterday or else.



 "BEWAIL" ???????????    

She has pondered her responsiblity and his.
She has thot on it enough to ask here for comments, but not before she says.................

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Furthermore.... don't be pointing a finger at me about giving my own opinion .... comment.....thoughts, if I choose too, as she did ask for the last 2.
 
Since when am I BEWAILING?? 
1. To cry over; lament: 

2. To express sorrow or unhappiness over: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/bewailing I am hardly doing either of the above.                            

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/10/2009 9:38:26 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		i think the bewailing one was the OP, not you

but, i have to agree... go long enough without having your needs met, and yes, even a devoted slave will finally give up.  a Dominant should attend to the sub/slaves needs... yes... needs... not wants or desires... they can be seen too or not at the D's whim... but needs should be met, even if its put off.  try four years of getting extremely few needs met, and then tell me its all about me.

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 3/10/2009 9:40:09 PM >

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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/13/2009 6:36:39 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i know what i expect/need out of  life.  Like most people--some of those things involve a relationship.  Whose responsiblity is it to get those things relationship things met when with a Master?

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them. 

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?


I feel strongly that it's my job to communicate my needs, wants, desires to Master. If I feel uncomfortable communicating what I'm feeling is lacking or what I want to experience I write it in my journal. I ask and even suggest some things but never expect to get them. There are times when I get what I ask for right away like a deeper kiss or a bite on the neck and there are times when he doesn't give it to me right away. He won't even mention it, but all of the sudden he'll surprise me by bringing it up suddenly which i like to. There has been a time when he tried something without warning me which was a trigger with me and ended up with me in the fetal position sobbing and there's even been a time when i asked him if we could try something but he felt i wasn't ready for it emotionally but towards the end of the night he tried it and we both found to our great satisfaction that not only was i ready we both ended up loving it and do it frequently now.

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/14/2009 6:34:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Realsub, not you bewailing but the op.
But the problem of compatibility is both partners responsibility. A sadist shouldn't get involved with someone who hard limits pain because he should be bright enough beforehand to realize he won't be happy in such a relationship. A little girl shouldn't get involved with someone who says being a daddy squicks him no end. No matter how much they otherwise like each other, they aren't going to be able to be happy like that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/15/2009 5:42:38 PM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		I'm BEWAILING! ......whatever!

i must not have come across as i intended.  

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/27/2009 1:25:16 AM   
twisteddoll


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline 		One time I was somewhere and I saw this very wise thing.  It went something like this,Enter away mess[color="#000000" size="2"] "Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different."  So, I feel like, even though they're playing the dominant role, they should still be making you happy, because you're making them happy. It's still a relationship, and both parties should still be getting what they want out of it.

But seriously, that quote, is like, the smartest thing I've ever seen.  If I could only remember where I found it. *sigh*

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 35
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