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Need some new ideas. - 3/7/2009 2:47:36 PM

ladydomhawk

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Joined: 3/7/2009
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Hey mistresses, I'm coming here to try and find some new ideas.

My husband and I have been doing a D/s relationship (not 24/7) for a couple of years, but I can't seem to come up with anything new. Before him I only had one other experience being a mistress and it was in a non-sexual relationship (is that odd?). So I don't have that much experience with all of this. The things that I do now are basically:
Getting long full body massages, having him go down, tying him up or blindfolding him and riding him and other sexual positions, having him to housework, and a couple of other things I can't remember right now as he decided to interrupt my train of thought while I was typing (see, now I need a creative punishment for later.) I guess some of the things we do are pretty vanilla compared to a lot of you :D

EDIT: I remembered the other thing. I also sometimes have him have sex with me or touch himself until he's close to cumming and then he has to stop

Anyways so another issue I'm having is being able to keep power. To be honest, I used to be quite the submissive but have been taking to this dominant role rather well and I enjoy it. So that plus being fairly new to all of this is making it hard for me to keep him in check sometimes about orgasm denial. For example, last night...

Last night I absolutely lost control. By the time it was all over I was upset and I let him cum. I really need some pointers on how to keep my role even when he's trying to break me and trying to talk me into letting him get off. He can be very pushy about it! I know that as a dom it's my role to keep him in line, but I guess I sometimes feel intimidated as he is much larger (taller, more muscular) than me.

Any pointers for a newbie?
Thanks so much!

< Message edited by ladydomhawk -- 3/7/2009 2:48:28 PM >

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/7/2009 3:47:37 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Gag him (or just order him not to talk), restrain him, and keep him in chastity. How is that difficult?

When at home I keep my slave hobbled constantly with heavy chain: his ankles chained together with a very short length of chain between them. It forces him to walk with unnaturally short steps, a kind of shuffle. Its yummy, and it would help even out any physical advantage a slave might have, due to size. It would be difficult for a slave to either flee or pursue the Domme when so hobbled, for example. It also is a very nice way of keeping him constantly aware of his slave status. I love a slave in heavy chains... Mmmmm...

You need to set the tone for the relationship. He will do what he can get away with. So if he exhibits a pattern of undesireable behavior, it is because you are letting him. Look in the mirror.

If you truly want to be the dominant partner, let him know that a pattern of willful disobedience is cause for release. But you must be willing to back up your words with action, if you want to be taken seriously. You've got to mean what you say, and be consistent.

My slave knows that my cardinal rule is his willing obedience. If you want a bratty, disobedient slave, then continue to put up with his bratty disobedience. If not, you've got to be willing to send him packing.

Right now, he's the Dom. What do you want??? Insist on it.

After all, that's what he's been doing- and its working for him!

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/7/2009 8:03:34 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Hi.

Chastizing a guy can be challenging but we find when we give slaves chastity training it helps when you keep track of how long they can take it, extend it a bit longer each time, and be proud of him when he stays chastized. It motivates them to try again.

We give free tutoring to women if your interested. There's a lot of women taking it right now because words getting out but we can take on one more.

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/10/2009 4:21:54 AM

properlyobedient

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Perhaps it is inappropriate for a submissive man to post on this issue, but I thought I would anyway. After all, you won't be "domming" me, so I could hardly call it "topping from the bottom".

First of all, if your husband has asked you to be his dominant, then the size issue should be irrelevant. The very second that you feel intimidated by his size is a great time to stop and actually punish HIM for making you feel that way. Your rationale is that if you feel it, it must be coming from him and so he needs to be punished. Even when you are actually wrong, it is better for him that you are in charge. I am going to repeat that because I think too many womyn of authority tend to think far too judiciously. It is far better for a womyn of authority to be "in charge" than for her to always be right. This isn't to say that you should be some sort of loose cannon serving out punishment willy-nilly when it makes absolutely no sense, but you appear to be FAR from that point. The fact is that his size should never intimidate you, any more than a horse-trainer should allow the size of a particularly large beast to intimidate her. If he is doing anything that makes you feel as though there might be any chance of him overpowering you or physically taking control of the situation, it needs to be corrected. Spanking him (harshly with a cane or paddle), making him stand in the corner, handcuffing him to the bed and leaving him alone while you go in the other room and watch television, stopping the sexual interlude while you make him go scrub the kitchen floor, even telling him the interlude is over and he will have to wait until the next one are all excellent ways of punishing him for making you feel intimidated by his size. If he argues that he was not trying to intimidate you, then it is imperative to increase the scope and seriousness of the punishment. Remember, it is important that YOU make the decisions and he obeys.

As for ideas on how to dominate him, try things that have nothing to do with sex. These things are really important in the life of a submissive husband and a dominant wife. Make a list of "house rules"; things that will reinforce his position as submissive and yours asdominant. Require that he spend his evenings without a shirt on. Require that the kitchen floor be scrubbed at least three nights per week. require him to address you in a certain way. Require that he never use any sort of foul language. Anything that leads to your RIGHT to be in control in your relationship. When you do allow him sexual release,always make sure that he does so in such a way as to reinforce your authority. Make him ask permission and then thank you. Deny him on occasion without letting him release at all. Remind him that YOU are in charge of his sexuality (and everything else).

You mentioned that you have him "go down" on you. Make sure that it isn't reciprocated. Get him in the habit of pleasing your sexual urges without always having his attended to. it is a great reminder of who is in charge.

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/10/2009 4:50:36 AM

MissIsis

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There are some excellent ideas here. There are some great dog cages of various size, even at the local walmart, & sometimes on freecycle.   Just like what everyone else here says, find ways to make him feel his place. I am not big on rituals, but sometimes, they do help, especially, to get him in the habit of putting your pleasure & desires before his own. These can be as simple or elaborate as you choose. Things like kneeling at the door when he first comes in, & waiting till you give him permission to get up. Sometimes it is nice to watch him bow his head & meditate for a few minutes as to his place & on the things you find important.

Cold showers, enemas, ice cubes either inserted anally or placed in a bag on his male parts can all be used erotically, or wickedly, as punishments. When you first have any sense that he is forgetting his place even for a moment, stop & put him in some kind of bondage, like the short hobble chain, his hands tied into a position where they are useless. You can even get yourself a nice folding cot to tie him on when the need arises. That way, he won't mess your bed up, & you can put plastic sheeting down if you need to. Once you have him in position, gag him, then use those erotic things in a punishing manner.

But also, find ways when he is behaving & putting your pleasure first to use some of those same punishments as a way to reward him.   He needs to learn that your pleasure comes first, & that any pleasure he gets is only because you allow him to receive it. And he needs to learn to be grateful to anything you allow him to do.

I know it is a great deal harder when he is a husband, whom you had a different dynamic with at one time, but it is possible to retrain him, & can be extremely rewarding.   Remind him often that this is something he wanted & agreed to.

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/10/2009 4:52:30 AM

VanessaChaland

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Joined: 11/23/2008
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Enforce vocal and eye restrictions while you are dominating him.
Progress his state of arousal to the "blue balls" stage and then only allow him a "ruined orgasm".
Cuckold him.
Bring in a fellow FemDom and bust his balls (so to speak). Deny him, mindfuck him. Take on a level of sexual aggression and demands that blows his mind. :)

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/11/2009 6:15:17 AM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Hi.

Chastizing a guy can be challenging but we find when we give slaves chastity training it helps when you keep track of how long they can take it, extend it a bit longer each time, and be proud of him when he stays chastized. It motivates them to try again.

We give free tutoring to women if your interested. There's a lot of women taking it right now because words getting out but we can take on one more.

Uhhhhmmmm.....chastity....and chastizing are uhhhmmm....not the same thing.

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/12/2009 2:07:26 PM

kelberi

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Joined: 3/12/2009
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hello everyone,

I am the husband of ladydomhawk and just wanted to say hi and ask a few questions. I really enjoy being submissive to my sexy wife, and am proud to break the "stereotype" of wimpy, spineless submissives. I say "stereotype" because I know not all submissives are wimpy in real life. Honestly in real life I have always been and still am one of the most dominant alpha males I know. I train in mixed martial arts several times a week and compete in brazililian jiu jitsu. I think that is why I enjoy the fantasy of being dominated. Its an escape from real life, and a way to let go of my stress and responsibilities.

So to the mistresses: Are there lots of other guys like myself? I have always been curious. Do you deal with men that are generally would you would consider a man's man in real life, but enjoy and even prefer being dominated in sexual relationships?

Also wanted to share what happened last night. She got a nice long massage from me and we proceeded to the bedroom where she got me very turned on. Then she said she was ready to be fucked and pulled the covers over her body. I was confused because she wouldnt let me get to her which she thought was very amusing. She laughed at me and told me that she didnt want to be fucked by me, but by her "friend" the vibrator. She said that I wasnt good enough to fuck her and that she wanted to be done right. She had me get the vibrator for her and proceeded to suck it deeply and passionately while looking at me in the eyes. It was such a frustrating tease, but so hot at the same time. After she got off she wanted me to lick her ass while she told me about the day because that was the only time I would listen, she said. Before we went to sleep she told me I had been replaced by the vibrator and that I wouldn't get to be inside her for a while until I was sufficiently punished.

So thanks for the suggestions!!

Have I created a monster? Should I be pretty scared at this point?

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RE: Need some new ideas. - 3/12/2009 7:18:59 PM

DavanKael

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Interesting, cool to see both spouses post on the thread. :>
Seems like last evening went rather well.
Ladydomhawk--Sounds like you had a great evening! Keep it up!
kelberi--MMA and such is fabulous! I love it! Yes, there are lots of alpha/strong men who love to be dominated by women. I've had the pleasure of one and, if he didn't have fight in him and wasn't very traditionally masculine, he wouldn't appeal.
I think you guys have got to communicate as the sense I got from the OP is that there is a power struggle and while it can be fun when someone behaving in submission 'bucks' a bit, it is sooooo not okay to 'top from the bottom'.
Best wishes, folks! :>
Davan

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