Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics

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Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics - 3/8/2009 1:32:21 AM

tekphreak

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Hello-

I would like to research any writing/discussions on ideas for introducing dom/sub dynamics to an existing relationship. Links/pointers are what I'm after. My situation is that I have sub tendencies and my fiance is quite aggressive and dominant in many respects (mainly every day, less sexually). I would like to explore formalizing this more and slowly make it part of our growth in the future together. Any ideas on ways to explore this is greatly appreciated.

thanks

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RE: Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics - 3/8/2009 4:44:01 AM

mistressleesa1

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Joined: 2/14/2009
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Share your feelings with your fiance. Better now than after you're married.

(in reply to tekphreak)

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RE: Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics - 3/8/2009 10:39:55 AM

tekphreak

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Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressleesa1

Share your feelings with your fiance. Better now than after you're married.

Yes, that is what I plan to do. What I was hoping for was some stories (fiction or not) on how this plays out. I dearly love her, but I also need her to be more strict and controlling in our relationship. I was hoping there were good examples to follow.

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RE: Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics - 3/8/2009 10:56:38 AM

LadyPact

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I might not be the best person to help you. In the last four years, I've come back into the lifestyle with My husband's consent. However, he's not a sub. He was the vanilla person who tagged along to all of the lifestyle events, play parties, and both public and private play before he found his own interest in it. He turned out to be a top.

Your post does seem a little vague to Me. My first question to you is, before trying to explain to someone else what it is that you want, have you figured that out for yourself? What are you hoping your life will look like if your finance is willing? Are you wanting a full time D/s dynamic? Do you have hopes for S/m play?

While you might get some good contributions from the message boards, there is something else that might help. I've recommended this to other folks in the past. Get yourself a copy of "When Someone You Love Is Kinky." Read the book. After you've read it and have a little more to help you know what you're driving for, ask her if she's willing to read it. Once she's read it, find out if she's willing to do any of it. If nothing else, the book will help the two of you to communicate using the same terms.

One more thing. I'd like to commend you on bringing this up with her prior to marriage. If she's not willing to have these interests, you may have some decisions to make. Best of luck to you.

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RE: Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics - 3/8/2009 11:23:33 AM

tekphreak

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Joined: 9/1/2008
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Thank You LadyPact.

Exactly the kind of advice i was looking for.

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RE: Introducing vanilla mate to dom/sub dynamics - 3/8/2009 12:07:55 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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There are many ways to do this. You have to move slowly and carefully at first. The last thing you want to do is scare her off. I recommend focusing on the pampering type activities that most women enjoy as an introduction.

< Message edited by slavekal -- 3/8/2009 12:09:47 PM >

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