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Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 7:32:22 PM   
morwen


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		i have been submissive to someone for awhile now and Wwe are both pretty new to this type of Ds relationship...

i am just wondering if a submissive ever asks for an actual collar (the one you wear) or if it is always a gift given to the submissive.

am i allowed to ask Him how he feels and what he thinks about a collar because i do not even know if it is something that would interest him.

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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 7:38:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master and I had a discussion about collars and  how we felt about them and what they meant to us but I personally would never ask for one because it's just not me. I don't feel it's my place to ask for one.

I figure when the time is right he will let me know or he won't.

If you feel comfortable asking for one and you've both discussed what they mean to both of you then I'd say go for it.


(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 7:49:59 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		since i prefer gorean men, its up to me to beg the collar.  but, honestly, there is no harm in asking where he may feel his intentions lies about collaring you.  toss your hat in the ring and see if it flies.

tazzy

_____________________________

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 7:50:56 PM   
morwen


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		And what if i do ask Him about it and He doesn't think its important enough...i would feel so insignificant  

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 7:52:27 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		He will likely have a certain kind of collar in mind for you (if he does at all) so NOW is the time to ask about it and talk about your preferences in a collar, before he goes and gets you one that you don't like. Ask if you can pick it out yourself, or will at least have veto power in case you don't like it.

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(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 7:56:56 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		and what if he is waiting for you to broach the subject to know you are serious?

what if's will kill you.  i know that so well.  so, get rid of the what if's and ask.  the worse he can say is.... I dont want to collar you... thats it.  sure it will hurt, but better now than when you are even more into the relationship.

at least you will both know what you desire.

tazzy

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 8:03:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: morwen

i have been submissive to someone for awhile now and Wwe are both pretty new to this type of Ds relationship...

i am just wondering if a submissive ever asks for an actual collar (the one you wear) or if it is always a gift given to the submissive.

am i allowed to ask Him how he feels and what he thinks about a collar because i do not even know if it is something that would interest him.




For starters, to some of us, a collar is not a "gift."  The collar that My boy wears does not belong to him.  In fact, it belongs to Me.  There's no confusion about who the collar rightfully belongs.  The fact that the he wears it has nothing to do with who's collar it really is.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 8:33:13 PM   
morwen


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		a collar is a honor to wear and that is what i mean by a gift...A Dom/me gives their sub the honor of holding their collar.

I'll ask Him about what He thinks about me wearing a collar.



(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 9:07:51 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		That's how it goes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: morwen

And what if i do ask Him about it and He doesn't think its important enough...i would feel so insignificant  

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/8/2009 10:53:25 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		It depends on the person and type of relationship dynamic. My girl crawled on her belly, to my feet, and begged for my collar. It is not a gift, it is my collar that she wears to denote that she is owned. She is marked on both thighs with tattoos that denote her as a slave, and my name on the back of her neck. She begged for it all.

Speak with your Master/Dom/whatever about it. Communication is a must and if you are going to surrender everything to him, then those thoughts you are having are his.


quote:

ORIGINAL: morwen

i have been submissive to someone for awhile now and Wwe are both pretty new to this type of Ds relationship...

i am just wondering if a submissive ever asks for an actual collar (the one you wear) or if it is always a gift given to the submissive.

am i allowed to ask Him how he feels and what he thinks about a collar because i do not even know if it is something that would interest him.




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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 1:07:06 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: morwen

And what if i do ask Him about it and He doesn't think its important enough...i would feel so insignificant  


you've been his submissive for a while.  you should know how he feels about you.

If he wants to keep you but not collar you, that reflects his thoughts on the collar itself.  Not you.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 1:27:40 AM   
VanessaChaland


Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		O.P. What rules apply to you do not apply to others. Your unique situation is just that, yours. There is no universal rule book that applies to S/M B/D or anything else. :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 2:34:30 AM   
Juliannadelion


Posts: 869
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: circusofthedamned
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: morwen

i have been submissive to someone for awhile now and Wwe are both pretty new to this type of Ds relationship...

i am just wondering if a submissive ever asks for an actual collar (the one you wear) or if it is always a gift given to the submissive.

am i allowed to ask Him how he feels and what he thinks about a collar because i do not even know if it is something that would interest him.




I was with my first dominant three and a half years.  We talked about collars, but, he never gave me one (much to my disappointment).

I have been living with my Lord and Master for five months now and have been collared just as long.  (He said he wanted to make sure no one else snatched me up!). 

But He and I both had a long discussion about how we BOTH felt that a collaring was something to be taken seriously, and was as we saw it, a lifetime committment, much like marriage, only deeper.

If it is something you are thinking about, something you are curious about, you should always feel able to discuss it with your Dominant.  Why else would you be with them if you can't share everything, including your curiousities?

At worst, they won't want to talk about it.  At best, maybe you'll both learn something about yourselves and each other.

I wish you the very best of luck.  Being collared is one of the most amazing feelings I've ever had, and I couldn't be happier.

_____________________________


Do you think this kind of love happens every day? ~ Asher

Bonded by blood, bound to His soul, soon to be his wife, owned by AsherDeLampyr

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 5:04:21 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		InkedMaster and I discussed what a collar means to us in the beginning.  To us it is a symbol of ownership, as serious as marriage, and as LadyPact said, the actual collar belongs to HIM, not to me.  However, in our relationship it was up to me to beg Him for the collar.

Sounds like you need to have a talk about what a collar means to Him, what a collar means to you.  A collar is not necessary in order to be significant in someone's life! 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 5:26:30 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I expect mine to petition (formal request in writing) for one. I do this for a number of reasons, mostly as a way to see if they have the self worth to ask for one. I do let this be known up front, so it doesn't come as a shock to them.

Master Fire


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(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 8:22:17 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		beg for...it

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 10:15:22 AM   
quietcontrary


Posts: 28
Joined: 3/7/2009
Status: offline 		The only thing stopping you from asking him about it is how you'll feel if he says it isn't important to him and dismisses the idea?  That says to me it is very important to you, so you really do need to talk to him, and if you're hurt, I hate to say it but sometimes it happens.  I honestly believe though (if indeed he is a good Dom/Master) he'll listen to you and concider what you say.  If however you want to 'play the game'  wait until you two have some 'down time' assuming you're more then just scene buddies and casually mention something about this lovely collar you saw online and what he would think about something like that.  Maybe that will help you seperate it being a matter of you in the collar and the collar.

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 10:16:10 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		~FR~

All the freakin' time. Usually before they know my middle name, let alone His.They get all passive aggressive-y and start fake begging for a collar or to be owned or to have some title or place in our life and act like we don't care enough about them to have already considered this and have a plan about it. It makes me want to scream. It also tends to end up with them having some special corner time, and essay or two (the power of MAKING a sub think mwahahahaha), and if things chill, a collar might happen. IF they don't then don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

(ok better now)

Yes submissives ask for the relatioship to move to a deeper bond and to have some symbol of the commitment and bond and it can be a wonderful and amazing thing. If you are feeling that your relationship needs to move forward (collar) then talk about the relationship, the commitment, the time and love with your D and see where the conversation goes.



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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to ThundersCry)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 12:05:01 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Yes some do. I'm sure it's already been mentioned but in some dynamics it's required that the submissive beg for their collar.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to morwen)
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RE: Do submissives ever ask for a collar? - 3/9/2009 1:24:11 PM   
DomM&SubK


Posts: 64
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline 		Yes I feel that talking to you Master about collars and what they mean to the two of you is a must as well as if he would ever think of collaring you. When I brought it up was after being asked to not forget the toy bag as we were going to a friends house because the Masters wanted to show off there toys and well I was building a friend ship with the Stubby so it didn’t seam to out of the ordinary. When we got there a table was set up for the toys so with out thinking I started to pull out the toys and place then together in a nice neat array. As I was digging I found two collars one was a red almost like a dog collar and I passed it off as from the dog sir had lost years ago and still misses to this day. But the Second was a “Play” Collar with spikes and three rings on it and that really had me thinking. Because it was so like one I had seen in a Store and had wanted but never told sir about. So I put that one on the table and finished my work and went in to the kitchen to start helping with dinner while the boys talked. Than I heard my name being called and asked where I had found the Collar I had put out and where was the red one at as well. I was worried like what had I done wrong but I told sir I had found the two collars at the bottom of the toy bag and didn’t put out the red one because of “C” his dog and respect of her. That’s when I found out that the red collar was from a past partner and the “Play” Collar was to be mine. I was all excited and went back to working in the Kitchen when I heard the Other Guy ask My Sir where he had found such a cool Play collar and to my surprise my sir said he had been given it by a old play partner and he never thought he would find the right person to collar since the last one he collared was not a good thing and they broke up. I was crushed and ran in to the other room threw my self at his feet and told him if was to truly be collared I wouldn’t wear some one else’s collar I wanted my own. I stood up and went to leave when my butt was smacked and told to come back to him. I did as I was told and he asked me why did I feel like I needed a Brand new one?  I told him because I would never give him a used gift of my love and devotion to him so why should I get a used gift. That made since to him and I was allowed to get back to the kitchen. A Few weeks later the collar issue came up again when I has asked when I would receive my collar and what did a True Collar mean to him. I was told if I didn’t want the one he wanted to give me I would never get one from him. So I went to bed upset and cried my self to sleep when I awoke I found on his pillow the collar he had cut it up in to 6 pieces. I was crushed because than I knew he would never collar me. Months passed and it had become a joke that I would get a tattoo on my Ass that said Collar Me and he kept laughing about it. Than on the night I had picked out a young lady to play with and after we were done and I was in my sirs arms relaxing from the stimulation he got up and went to his bag and pulled out a collar and put it on the bed next to me. I didn’t know what to think. No that’s not true I was afraid at first it was the other girls and I was crushed. When the Play toy that we had just used came from the other bed I had sent her to where sir was now sitting and she came and picked up the collar and she began to put it around my neck when I told her to stop and let me look at it first. So I did it was Spiky and had two rings on it and it looked like it had been home made since I could see the tool marks on it and the leather was not straight but kind of jagged. I began to cry and My Sir came and put my collar on my neck and told me that I was his and he loved me. So to us the collar is just as binding as a wedding ring. He than told me that he had made it out of some of the hard wear from the collar he cut up and used his favorite belt for the leather strap as well as the buckle. I treasure it and wear it almost daily if I can. I hope that this helps ~Master M’s Slave~

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~Master M's Lady and Princess~ ~I am still finding my voice so forgive me if i put my foot in my mouth at times~ ~I Love My Big Daddy~

(in reply to morwen)
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