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As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 9:11:50 PM

MainFragger

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I am wondering whether it is wise for a switch to create a parnership with another switch.. Or does it make sense to seek someone I can dominate, and someone else who can dominate me? If I do it that way, does the slave relationship trickle up? In other words, is the slave of a switch also the slave of his master? Or can that maintained as a totally seperate relationship?

MainFragger/Brian

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 9:16:08 PM

mc1234

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Hmm... the answer is 'yes'.

Yes, two switches can make a successful partnership without including others.

Yes, two switches can also turn to outside relationships to satisfy urges not handled within their relationship.

Yes, that could cause the main relationship issues.

Is the slave of the switch also the slave of the switch's master? Hmmm... could be.

Or, yes, it could remain as a fully separate unit.

All are variables, dependent upon each relationship and the folks within them.

Is this easy? I'd guess .... 'no'

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 9:27:08 PM

peppermint

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You do what works best for you.

As to the slave who has a switch for a Master or Mistress....the answer depends on what has previously been agreed to. For some no...for others yes.

In other words, there is no official book with rules you need to follow.

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 9:43:41 PM

CarrieO

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You may be complicating this more...much more...then need be.
As a switch, I find I work better with another switch, for my own personal reasons. That's what it comes down to, personal reasons/preferences. You need to do what's right for you...not follow another person's rules/ideas.

Just my opinion....good luck and keep it simple.

edited to add......of course, this could all change if I happen to find a lovely male sub! Always try to keep an open mind.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 3/8/2009 9:47:57 PM >

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 10:30:49 PM

junecleaver

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Um, you should get with people you like and then do whatever you want. I would imagine there probably are those annoying times where you both want to dominate. I find chemistry where I find chemistry and I'm will to compromise a little here and there for someone who clicks with me.

So yeah...it all depends on what everyone agrees and does not agree to do.

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 10:31:51 PM

zero69u2

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Stop.. from reading your profile.. your a guy looking for playmates. In a very poly sense and want to enjoy both sides of the BDSM world..
Submissive A is only going to want you as Dom Mainfragger..
Dominatrix B is only going to want you as Sub Mainfragger..
Switch is just a dirty word to both of these girls.. *s*
Switch C is going to want Switch Mainfragger ------- if she's mostly submissive because your profile is toppish.

does the slave relationship trickle up? No, If your a switch.. You usually play with 1 person as a sub.. and find another person to play with as a dom.. and usually never want either of those 2 people to meet at the same time.. with you.. EVER.. because of role conflict and because you'll be Slave Mainfragger and your sub will have something to laugh about or may be totally put off by this..

is the slave of a switch also the slave of his master?
NO, Absolutely Not... If Slave A has a switch girlfriend.. She is not your Slave. If you own one and she owns someone else.. that's her friend.. not your extra property by association.

If your going to play with submissive A you have to stay Dom Mainfragger. you switching midscene saying Okay your turn to spank me Mistress.. is just not going to fly.
If your going to play with Domme B you have to stay Sub Mainfragger and switching in that situation.. Will get you Dealt With.. in a very upclose introduction to who the Real Boss is. or you'll be asked to leave. As a switchy submissive is Simply dismissed as undesireable..

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/8/2009 10:58:15 PM

MainFragger

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Thank you for your candor. I appreciate it. What you said makes perfect sense to me, and instinctually, I had a feeling that it would work that way. I mostly wanted to address it here to clear away any misconceptions, and to solidify my understanding.

Now that I have done so, I feel a little more comfortable in taking the next step.

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/9/2009 9:42:15 AM

LadyPact

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I would have to say that the dynamics that you become involved in are going to be formed by yourself and those who chose to participate in them with you.

After reading your profile, there are some things that are going to hinder you. The first would be the buckshot approach that you are taking. This is one of the pitfalls that some switches face. It's one of the reasons that some won't take you seriously.

The other is, while your photography has gotten you in the door and you know many people, you don't exactly have experience in the types of play you say you are interested in. This could be a red flag for some. Please remember that in certain situations, you must tread carefully. Always keep in mind. Physical marks are easily seen. Mental and emotional marks aren't quite as easy.

One way you can answer your own question is what type of switch are you? Are you the type who feels certain energy towards certain people (in other words, do you always feel submissive around a particular D type, and vice versa) or can you comfortably exchange roles with one person? That's going to help you determine if you seek one person or two to explore with.

As to the trickle up theory, again, it would depend on the people you are engaging with. If you should find a Dominant as well as a sub, they might expect it to work that way, and others won't. Determine how you feel about it and how they feel about it. Anything else is just conjecture. (Personally, I'm in the 'trickle down' camp.)

I'm not a switch, but I am poly. I've always found it better to establish one dynamic and have it on solid ground before adding anyone else. Some people feel differently.

Bottom line, do what works for you. Everything else is just someone else's opinion.

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/9/2009 11:32:16 AM

quietcontrary

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Glad to see you've made you mind up, thanks for keeping us updated! :)

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/9/2009 4:09:47 PM

CatdeMedici

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Ever watch Abbott and Costello do who's on first?

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/9/2009 4:26:16 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MainFragger

I am wondering whether it is wise for a switch to create a parnership with another switch.. Or does it make sense to seek someone I can dominate, and someone else who can dominate me? If I do it that way, does the slave relationship trickle up? In other words, is the slave of a switch also the slave of his master? Or can that maintained as a totally seperate relationship?

MainFragger/Brian

I like to switch. To be more precise I like to be instructed to switch. And I cannot easily dominate a man. My switching is gender specific as I love ro top a woman. In particular the sort of topping that turns a girl. From het to bi.
I think I am a complicated switch. I say this because I think most switches are. I think that rather thanbe a 'thing' that switching is a process and a process of preferences. Some prefer to be up on their dominant processes and some prefer to be up on their submissive processes. Some say that they could never be, have never been and will never be on the other side of the whip.
And imo it is better to have experienced being on both sides of the whip as this brings a compassion, an understanding and a skilfulness at dealing with ones opposite. I am not saying that in order to be a 'gppd' dominant one has to be able to say one has been a submissive. However the best friends I have who are dominant have experience of asking to be topped from the bottom in order to allow themselves the experience of their counterpart.
I find that when I have been emotionally fucked over as a submissive my dominant traits rise up. I have at least once wanted to quit as a submissive... but to be honest just did't like the responsibilities of being a dominant and wonder how the heck someone would want to be like that all the time. I am thankful as hell some do however.
So: switchyness is complex, individual and very misunderstood.
I have inter switched...that is to say I have switched when playing with a couple...been domme to her and sun to him. I can say I have only once (rare for me) intra switched and been both dominant and submissive to the same person. Indeed in the same scene. And he too was a switch. I have maintained a long term on-line erotyc friendhip with a switch... which was weird because sometimes he would pop up online as dominant and sometimes needing to be submissive and I never knew the internal dynamics of what drobe him.
Being a switch in relationship with another switch is rather like having four people in the relationship. Complex. Prone to a battle of wills when both are in dominant mode. And prone to stagnation when both are in submissive mode. Nothing gets done when both are feeling subbie... no dinner, no cleaning, no pain and efinitely no gain.
Have fun. Ot's like being poly without needing the storage space.

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/9/2009 11:54:53 PM

MainFragger

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Well, after hearing what all of you have to say,
I feel this way about it.. I think it makes sense to keep a seperate Dom and a seperate sub..

Either way, I think finding out what I am truly into on both sides of the fence is going to be a process of some trial and error..

I have very little in terms of fetish stuff. And I will probably make due without (since money is an issue with me right now) as long as I can. So I have the nun's outfit for when I want to sub, and I might actually dress as pinhead when I'm on top. I have a little cat o' nine tails..which I totally accidentally one at one of the fetish events. It needs to be oiled, which I never got around to, but I guess I'll be getting on that.. My friend described it as a begginner's "toy".. So I guess thats appropriate. Kind of like starting with a Point and shoot before working my way to a DSLR. I know I will have to be carefull with it. I don't want to hurt anyone badly. Just provide some sting..or whatever level of pain I know my sub is capable of accepting.

Hopefully, when I find the right person to be my dom, they'll have whatever they need to explore my limits.

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/10/2009 5:15:55 AM

blackcat39

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Mainfragger: newbie. Basically decide what turns you on more. What is between your ears and what gets you off more. That should be a good indication of which way you'll enjoy more.

As to not having equipment or money, that usually isn't that big of a deal for those who are "in the know". There was info regarding this, something called the Frugal Domme, where she gives all sorts of info on how to make whips and things cheaply. Not wanting to actually put work into your beginner's whip you "WON" shows that you're probably not cut out for being a dominant, because a dominant would actually care more about their toys.

I don't actually use a whip myself. I use a pillow, but I'm a master, and when I swing a pillow, it hurts......my last GF tried to explain it was so pleasurable it was painful, but the point is, it still had her wanting it to stop....

Now the nun's outfit, makes me wonder, you wanna get into the whole cross-dressing thing or something? There is a whole fetish industry regarding that I guess.......you wouldn't be the first....

With regard to your potential mates, there are a ton more females who are submissive out there for males than dominant, FYI.....most women don't even realize it, but they want a guy who will "sweep them off their feet".

With regard to your idea that you have to have seperate partners, is this just because you rather have more than one? I can understand you wanting to not be stuck with just one female....still.....approach this whole fetish thing as the game it is, and eventually, you might realize after playing with it, what you actually do enjoy and make it more a lifestyle than a game....start it as a game though.....

As a game/roleplaying/etc exploring, you can with the right framework do this with another switch......now if you both wanna be poly, then go for it, but I'm just saying, the idea you must box people into little boxxes, and I can only do this this activity with you in this way and must seek completely other people to do another activity with shows you aren't willing to grow or let others grow as people.....your showing your narrow-mindedness which will hurt you later in life when you won't be able to recognize it being used against you innappropriately by narrow-minded people who think this is appropriate....

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RE: As I get started.. - 3/14/2009 4:39:48 PM

MainFragger

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For more on the nun-suit..read:
Newbi Intro..

Read the second part of my intro...

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