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Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 6:19:09 PM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		The first I went to anything resembling an bdsm event I was very VERY nervous.. I didn't want to look like i dimwit, I didn't know what to expect or what to wear.. But I ended up having an incredibly good time, and was pleasantly suprised at the people at the event..
(For the record, it was Hellfire, a once a month fetish nightclub event in sydney)

A lot of the reason for me being nervous was my partner telling me about all the rules, all teh etiquette and all the expectations befor ethe event.. it al seemed, in lack of a better word, anal.. I knew a lot of people who had gone on several occations and they told me it was all about going in yr best gear, having fun and mixing..

An example.. the weekend b4 the event, I went out to a club and met 2 girls who i started talking to, and found out tehy were also going to this ecent.. we were discussing what to wear, and since they had been b4 i asked them for advice (such a girlie thing to do when u meet someone..what to wear what to wear..but anyway)
and they offered/came up with the idea of dressing as sexy nurses and me being a surgeon, with them on collars or such, with the full get up with clamps and all..

I loved the idea and proceeded to tell my partner (that i am in a totally open relationship with) about the idea and she got really mad.. saying that it was very pretentious and up myself thinking I was the top of the world, and that I would offend many people, being like that my first time there.. so off course i didnt end up doing it..

When i finally went to the event i realized that me dressing in that way with the girls wouldn't have been a problem, it probably wouldn't even have lifted an eyebrow..

so what I wondering..

Did I misinterpret the event, would it have been "bad" or was this just more a personal thing from my partner? she seems to have all these "rules" about ways to be invisible and never offend anyone that I don't understand.. Like talking to someone in a club you do not know because u think they have a nice dress on and compliment them.. for her, taht is being rude and intrussive.. Am I just not properly brought up on etiquette?

What are the etiquettes on these things?

For the record, the event is not a playparty in any way, and everyone has to be in fetish wear and most people dress up pretty elaborate...

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 6:43:11 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		No, I just think you both have different ideas on how you approach these things. From the sounds of it, she is more laid back and conservative, while you are more outgoing and flamboyant. Just different styles is all. You are going to have to find a common ground between you two though. It's not right to stifle your outgoing personality, but at the same time, it's not right to be so outgoing that you embarass her.

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 6:46:36 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		IMO, if this was a fetish event rather than a BDSM event, you would have been fine in the costume you'd first planned.

In my experience of fetish nights, it is the dressing and the costumes that are major reasons for going. I've found (at least in southern Ontario) that as long as one meets the organizers' dress code, no one really cares what anyone wears.

It sounds like it was a matter of your partner's comfort level, but you and she are the ones who will have to work that out.

Tasha

btw...I think the three of you would have fit in at any number of events in Canada with no problem.

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 6:49:02 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		before you worry too much about if you are too flamboyant and outgoing, remember, that very same flamboyant and outgoing personality attracted your partner in the first place.

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 7:03:48 PM   
typesgirl


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		Notanaddict: I totally understand how you feel. My biggest fear is that I might in someway offend others at THEIR event. For example, I own a leather corset and thought about wearing it to a club but then second thought myself because leather has a certain connotation that I don't quite fit and I didn't want to send out the wrong message or mislead in any way.

The etiquette is complicated but not impossible and not without reason. I want to be as respectful as possible and still be able to express myself.

typesgirl

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 7:15:42 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notanaddict
What are the etiquettes on these things?

For the record, the event is not a playparty in any way, and everyone has to be in fetish wear and most people dress up pretty elaborate...


I can't comment on any specific party, but most of the events I've been to don't have a dress code or expect specific behavior other than normal politeness.

Given there was a dress code (fetish) your friend was dead wrong. While some of us will go to a fetish party and try to slide under the radar with a minimum of stuff, (I usually wear a black shirt, black pants and carry a whip) that's the exception rather than the rule. A doctor's outfit would be perfect. On one occasional, I wore my doctoral robes with nothing underneath (ignore the moving fabric, she'll be out soon). I've seen people in nothing but paint and at least one giant penis.

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/22/2006 9:30:42 PM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		At most "fetish" events, the etiquette is pretty much non-existent beyond common courtesy and the S&M stands for "Stand & Model". It's all about the costumes.

At a BDSM event there _might_ be more formal protocols, dress code may be more restrictive (black tie & evening gowns, uniforms, full leather, etc), or it could be just "come as you are, street legal until you get inside"...

Find out before you go, then plan appropriately.

YIK,
- Geoff

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/23/2006 5:55:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you use the same good vanilla manners and etiquette you've known growing up, then you're golden.

Anyone who tries to tell you that you're doing something wrong (unless they are in a relationship with you and thus have the authority to do so) is basically being rude and dorky themselves and trying to make themselves elite.

I rarely rarely wear leather or black, but I go in for formal and flamboyant. At most events you get people wearing black and red sexy stuff, or fetishy costumes. Males tend to wear black shirts and jeans. I WISH more people wore formal, but that's just because 3-piece suits turn me on.

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/23/2006 9:22:33 AM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		tHANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR GREAT REPLIES!! (damn capslock...)

I think you are right that my friend is very introverted compared to me.. I am, yes, very extroverted.. but never thought I was rude by being nice and open minded to new and strange people...

Thank you for yr replies again.)

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/23/2006 10:41:40 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		There doesnt seem to be any hard and fast rules other than be polite and behave yourself,but if there's a dress code stick to it.




HalloweenWhite. (Who knows this has already been said but likes the sound of his own voice, even in text form)

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/23/2006 11:21:56 PM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

... I WISH more people wore formal, but that's just because 3-piece suits turn me on.


*chuckles* I can only speak for myself, but I know many men will have the same reasons for not wearing a 3-piece to a fetish event:
1 - They are not comfy
2 - They are hot (as in makes me sweat, not make me look sexy)
3 - There is no way in hell I am going to wear a tie unless I abso-freaking-lutely have no choice.
4 - That suit is _work_ clothes, not _play_ clothes And unless I have a valet and a change of clothes, I'm sorry, but I am NOT going to do that clothespins and quirt scene in a 3-piece! You simply cannot swing a flogger properly your range of motion is too restricted. *grin*

Now if the event is FORMAL meaning black tie & tux... Those are not work clothes, those ARE play clothes (for me anyway) and I would even put up with the bow-tie for a while.

YIK
- Geoff

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/24/2006 6:02:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff
Now if the event is FORMAL meaning black tie & tux... Those are not work clothes, those ARE play clothes (for me anyway) and I would even put up with the bow-tie for a while.

YIK
- Geoff

Oh I understand why. I tend to wear the uncomfy dress clothes and get naked when I play. Not my fault so many doms are uncomfortable with their nudity ;)


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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/24/2006 6:10:02 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I WISH more people wore formal, but that's just because 3-piece suits turn me on.


YES!!!!

Here I thought I was the only one with a 3 piece suit fetish :) My boss wore one recently-first time I'd ever seen him-I was on 'heat' all day, and he's not someone who ordinarily does it for me. But he looked so fine in it. I complimented him in hopes that he'd wear it again, thus far no dice :(

I have laid down the law with my new boy. He's the casual type, and I made it very clear that he is to wear suits to bdsm scene activities, until I can have him fitted for his formal butler's uniform (I've already picked out a gorgeous Calvin Kline Chaps 'tuxedo' with a swallowtail coat and an ascot). He will look very elegant in it.

Phoenix



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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/24/2006 6:19:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix
(I've already picked out a gorgeous Calvin Kline Chaps 'tuxedo' with a swallowtail coat and an ascot). He will look very elegant in it.

Phoenix

*pant pant*

My local patner wore a leather vest, leather red tie, with a white button up shirt, black slacks and dress shoes...it was hard getting into the scene because I was distracted by the outfit.

I also told him that he could take off my bustier with the rule that he had to put it back on me later...he kept it on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Etiquette and stuff - 1/26/2006 10:18:12 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
My local patner wore a leather vest, leather red tie, with a white button up shirt, black slacks and dress shoes...it was hard getting into the scene because I was distracted by the outfit.


I can imagine the distraction that would cause :)

Phoenix

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Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

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