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RE: What's your favorite Bar joke? - 3/16/2009 12:32:00 PM

NightTigress

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Way too much time thinking of these but very funny thanks for the laugh

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RE: What's your favorite Bar joke? - 3/17/2009 4:03:58 PM

clairedelune2

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A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog and starts swinging him around and around by the leash. The bartender says "What the heck are you doing?" The blind man replies "just having a look around".

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RE: What's your favorite Bar joke? - 4/26/2009 5:12:13 PM

GrizzlyBear

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Three cowboys walk into a saloon in Miles City, Montana at the end of a long cattle drive.. One's from California, one's from Texas, and the third is from Montana.

The Californian says to the bartender. "Bartender, give me a bottle of Napa Valley Chardonnay!" The bartender opens the bottle, and puts it on the bar in from of him with a long-stemmed wine glass. The Californian pours a glass, swirls it around and takes a big whiff of the aroma, swishes the first sip around in his mouth, then tosses the rest of the wine in the glass down his throat. Then he throws the bottle at the fireplace, smashing it. "In California, we have a huge surplus of great wine. So it's our tradition to smash the bottles after we drink from them once," he explains.

Not to be outdone, the Texan says to the bartender, "Bartender, give me a bottle of tequila." The bartender gets out a fresh bottle of Mescal, and puts it on the bar, with a shot glass and lime and salt. The Texan licks his hand and sprinkles salt on it, and picks up the lime. He takes a bitg old pull on the bottle, licks off the salt and bites the lime. Then he throws the bottle up in the air, quick-draws his sixgun, and shoots it right out of the air. "In Texas, we have a huge surplus of tequila. So it's a tradition to shoot the bottles after we drink from them once," he explains.

The Montanan says to the bartender. "Barkeep, give me a bottle of cheap bourbon." The bartender gets out a fresh bottle of Old Crow, twists off the top, and sets it on the bar. The Montanan takes a long guzzle from the bottle, plunks it back down on the bar, then pulls out his sixgun and shoots the Texan and the Californian. "In Montana, we have too damn many Texans and Californians. So it's our tradition to shoot em, after we drink with em once. But we know better than to waste whiskey."

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

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RE: What's your favorite Bar joke? - 4/26/2009 5:23:15 PM

playfulotter

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A Cajun walks into a bar with pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonishedpatrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth & place my balls inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. Then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a few minutes of silence, a single hand goes up. "I'll try it!" yells a Blonde woman from the other end of the bar, "But don't hit me so hard with the bottle..."

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RE: What's your favorite Bar joke? - 4/27/2009 7:52:34 AM

sissymaster69

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This is probably the oldest bar joke I know. I can't believe no one else has told it yet.

A monkey walks into the bar, sits down, and says "I want a beer."

The bartender sizes him up, figures him for a sap, and replies "That'll be fifteen bucks."

The monkey silently slaps three fives down, the bartender gobbles them up quickly, and serves a beer. The monkey starts to drink.

"We don't get many monkeys in here," the bartender says.

The monkey takes another sip of the brew. "At fifteen dollars a pop, I can see why."

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RE: What's your favorite Bar joke? - 4/30/2009 7:54:31 PM

Apocalypso

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These are both from Bill Bailey.

Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are un-aware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

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