RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (Full Version)

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catize -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 6:02:25 PM)

quote:

 I believe that people are often just trying to defend their right to be who they are when they say what this and what that should be, the question is why they stick so strictly to the idea that that is best? I am sure most will not want to admit that they are intolerant of others peoples choices 


What, are you kidding?  I am intolerant of many things that people do.  I just generally find that trying to change their mind is not a very productive endeavor. 
I have struggled with this topic over the years because I do think the world is better off when we accept that variety is interesting, that we are not cookie cutter clones; that your ‘yuck’ is my ‘yum’,
There are certainly times when I can wrap my brain around something foreign to my way of thinking and gain some understanding of a different way.  But sometimes I can’t, and I don’t always think I should.
I have my personal lines drawn that I won’t cross.  I also have lines that I believe no one should cross. 
Some things are just wrong.



SteelofUtah -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 7:25:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Personally Steel, I think, from what I have been reading from you lately; that you are more concerned with the how others are viewing you then you are with how others are viewing others.


Then perhaps I am missing something. I am a curious person, often times I am asking questions because I want to know, or I am bored with the same old bullshit that as was so lovingly coined gathers Fruit Flies, So I ask a question that I might help to further shed light on the concepts of what it is that we do.

I have a desire to put a good foot forward, and when someone uses private knowledge to paint me in a poor light I get agitated. I'm Human. As to caring what others think about me...... if you don't like me on what you know about me then trying to make you would be futile. If you don't like me because of what someone else thinks of me, well then being who I am can only help to give you the knowledge to make up your own mind.

As for my part in all of that, what other people think about me is none of my business.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

You want strict defined definitions?


Actually I don't, I don't really care for them, I don't believe they do anything but help people segregate themselves. This is why I like Dom and sub because they don't really have definitions as Nouns and because of that we get to define them for ourselves. I feel that this lifestyle is all of what you want and none of what you don't if you are willing to follow your own song.

Definitions more often then not get used as a way of saying "You are NOT this because you do not meet these requirements" When you have no definition there is no agreeable tome that can be used to isolate and alienate someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I am a hard core-try and kill me if you can-abuse loving-masochist.
There is not a single submissive bone in my body and the only way another could ever get me on my knees was if he broke them first.
You slap me; I will punch you back. You punch me; I will kick you in your balls so hard, they will come up your throat.
You want your clothes ironed and put out for you in the morning? Do it yourself. You want steak and potatoes for dinner? Learn to cook.


In the Immortal words of Paris Hilton "That's Hot"

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

And yet; for the right man, I will willingly cook dinner, wash his clothes, iron his clothes, give him a bath, a massage; and sit at his feet.

I am a contradiction.

Am I submissive? Am I not submissive? Am I a slave? Am I not a slave?

Who the fuck cares.
Not me.
Do I care what you or another thinks or 'calls' me?
Not in this fucking life.

My name is Tara; my friends call me Mist.
That, and only that, Is who and what I am.

All the rest is just window dressing; it changes with the seasons.



And that is a good view of yourself, I am glad that you know what you are, not everyone does and they spend a lot of time looking to their peers for the answers and when someone tells them this is a this way or a that way they never get the possibility to decide for themselves. The align themselves with other people who feel the same way and life happily like that, and there isn't even anything wrong with that, I am just curious about how other people handle this process in what it is that we do.

the dark I can respect your view and I think I understand what you were trying to say I believe we are looking too deeply into the idea of "One True Way" I am just wanting people opinion on educating themselves outside of their prefered choices to other possible, acceptable definitions that might not always match their own.

Steel



apiercedkitty -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 8:04:10 PM)

i try to be as open-minded as possible but there are times that i fail. i'm a very nosey individual so i tend to ask a lot of questions - especially about something i've never seen, heard of, etc. Some think the questions i ask are so i can form a judgment but they're really a way for me to put an unknown together in my own mind so i can then decide if it's something i want to try some day or if it's just something i'm not interested in. Of course, i'm this way with everything in life - i just like to try to get a feel from where others are coming from.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 8:33:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Why do we try to define for other people our preferred nature?
 
Steel


I think it is this more rhetorical question that you've asked that is more the crux of the issue.

I feel that we do this because this is what we are taught to do so in this society. We are taught that if we are "more right" than the other person, we are somehow more justified in doing our own actions. "Well, at least I don't..."

We are also taught that we should then stand on our higher moral ground and preach/testify to others about it. We are here to help you see the way and to save you. "You should do what's right and that is...."

Finally, we thrive on an "us vs them" mentality. We're taught that this is the best way to create bonds; look at the national patriotism that is generated by some national disaster. "The enemy of my enemy..."

We live in a dysfunctional society...and most don't even see it, much less know how to stop it, even in themselves.

And now, I'm done telling you what's right and why you should do it so we can unite against the common enemy who does worse things than us.

Even those who have the "one true way" philosophy are allowed to have it.

Master Fire



Roselaure -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 8:34:45 PM)

I am open to new ideas and curious about things I've never done. What other people do is of interest to me.  It may be something new that I want to try or an idea or way of thinking that I had not imagined.  Some things are wrong for me, but  if it works for others, I don't judge.  A few things are simply wrong, and those I do judge.





WestBaySlave -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 9:12:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

In a Lifestyle as diverse as this it is a wonder that so many people have a hard time understanding that anything goes.

[...]

Why do we try to define for other people our preferred nature? I see people draw lines that separate themselves from others such as the differences between sub and slave, or BDSM submissive from Gorean kajira. What is the purpose of this act?


I think people like definitions; it gives them a sense of identity. A woman can be from the UK, from England in the UK, from Yorkshire in England, and from Leeds in Yorkshire, all with corresponding identities that separate her from someone from Sheffield, Cornwall, Scotland or Botswana. In BDSM, things are a lot less clearly defined, and it's harder to have an identity that's easy to define. Two people can call themselves submissives, for example, yet have entirely different ideas of just what that means. Being from Leeds, on the other hand, has a fairly universal definition.

I think that's where a lot of the conflict comes in. Someone defines themselves a certain way using a certain term, and then someone using the same label with a different definition comes in and their self-conception is questioned by this person's very existence. There's a feeling that "we can't both be right," and that's where one-true-way-ism shows itself. The fact that two people can use the same word to mean different things is something many people either can't accept or don't agree with.

To simply be, to simply exist as you are is easy enough by oneself, but becomes more complicated when you need to communicate who you are to others.  That's where labels, definitons, and self-descriptions come in, and they likely cause more problems than they solve. However, despite their inexact nature, if we need to explain ourselves to anyone but a mind-reader, we need them.




eyesopened -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/11/2009 4:26:10 AM)

The way our brains work, it is necessary that everything have a name.  I don't know if you have offspring, but you start out teaching a new person the names of things, the brain seems to require this.  It is also a requirement of our brains to see how the named things relate to us.  It is part of our survival to know what poison is and how it relates to us, what a bear is and how it relates to us, etc etc etc....  So it goes and why worry about it?

Some define acceptance as the willingness to be like us, they cannot accept us as being a vegatarian if they are still eating meat, for example.  Tolerance means the vegetarian will put up with meat-eaters but they don't have to like them.  So many people want to be embraced!  Not just accepted or tolerated  but welcomed and celebrated.

At times it bothers me when folks see a need to toot their horn.  Look at how much better I am because I'm edgy or because I have more friends, because I am so active in the community, because I whatever.  But yanno, in the larger scheme of things, does it take anything away from me if someone else thinks they are better than me?  Nope.  Does it lower my quality of life if someone else tells me I can't be a real slave if I don't go down on women?  Nope.  The only person who can really add to or delete from my life is me.  I can say my Master adds to my life but He does so because I am willing to accept the experiences He offers. 

A person's perceptions are their realities and even if we are able to change their reality, if they hold the same perception, the outcome will remain the same.  Each person takes responsibility for their own perceptions.



IrishMist -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/11/2009 4:57:31 AM)

quote:

  Then perhaps I am missing something. I am a curious person, often times I am asking questions because I want to know, or I am bored with the same old bullshit that as was so lovingly coined gathers Fruit Flies, So I ask a question that I might help to further shed light on the concepts of what it is that we do.


What it is that we do?
Or what it is that YOU do as it relates to how others do it?
Many of your posts follow the same 'theme'. This is how I do things, why can't others understand it and expand their horizons.
I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that; I think its great that you have found something that works well for you and that you can follow it. BUT, just because YOU can be open minded, does mean that everyone else HAS to be also. Live and let live. As long as you are happy in your life, that should be ALL that matters.
The opinions of others should not affect your way of life. If they do, then you are not living your own life, you are living theirs.
quote:

  not everyone does and they spend a lot of time looking to their peers for the answers and when someone tells them this is a this way or a that way they never get the possibility to decide for themselves. The align themselves with other people who feel the same way and life happily like that, and there isn't even anything wrong with that, I am just curious about how other people handle this process in what it is that we do.


There it is again. What is that WE do.
What do you care what others do?
You state that you don't, yet, you keep coming back to it.
If you don't care; then perhaps you should rethink how you put thoughts into words. Instead of 'what it is that we do' try instead 'what it is that I do'.
Changes the outlook a whole lot.

Am I being a bitch about this?
Probably.
Do I care?
Not one bit.




SirJ40 -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/11/2009 7:21:59 AM)

I revel in meeting people who are not "just like Me". Their choices and decisions are their own.
Certainly, finding those who share My interests is cool.. but if they don't share them, then likely I can learn something, or I can at least have an interesting conversation. I don't say "Why are you like that?".. that's usually a bit confrontational.. I prefer "So, what is it about that person/activity/thought/kink/whatever that interests you? I'm interested in how it speaks to you".. or something like that, intended to make them feel that I'm genuinely interested in their thoughts, not questioning their decisions.
I do try to convey clearly what it is that I am and am not interested in, to avoid confusion, or embarrassment on anyone's part.
I operate under the assumption that I may not be interested in, curious about, or even comfortable with some people's preferences.. but that doesn't invalidate those preferences, it just means I have to exercise tolerance, and understanding.
Being around people "just like Me" all the time would be boring.. and nearly impossible, lol.. I'm not exactly a carbon copy type person. I enjoy the differences of the human state.. it's fascinating to Me.
VIVE LE DIFFERENCE




SteelofUtah -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/11/2009 9:38:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

What it is that we do?
Or what it is that YOU do as it relates to how others do it?
Many of your posts follow the same 'theme'. This is how I do things, why can't others understand it and expand their horizons.
{SNIP}
There it is again. What is that WE do.
What do you care what others do?
You state that you don't, yet, you keep coming back to it.


WIITWD Meaning What it is that We do, is a blanket concept that is non-exclusive. I use it to cover everything that one could do in this lifestyle as to not exclude any.

I see your point, you are just takeing me far to literally which is the exact reason I have issues with definition threads, there is no breathing room.

As for what others think of me, Yes I have an interest in knowing how I am preceived, however it does not affect how I do things. It is genuine curiosity, same as when I ask how someone else goes about things, I want to KNOW I want to LEARN about other people and about this melting pot concept of BDSM and What It Is That We Do. You may want to take this as a literal sense but that is not how it is intended I am just using a phrase that is generally accepted as an all encompasing concept as to include everyone.

You are welcome to see into it what you want, but you don't really have to try to find some deeper point I am telling you right here this is why I do it.

If you choose to see it how you want that is fine no skin off my back and it doesn't effect me in the slightest, but I am offering you the purpose for my thread, accept or not the purpose remains the same.

Steel



IrishMist -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/11/2009 7:41:03 PM)


Yes, I AM taking your words literally; but not for the reason that I believe you think I am.

I once responded to someone who had made a crack that I never had anything good to say and that my posts were generally useless.

My response was simple. Every word I put on this forum; while crude, rude, arrogant, sarcastic and downright bitchy, is done with a single purpose in mind. I actually choose my words very carefully so that I make the kind of impact that I wish to make. Everything I type is done specifically with a single purpose in mind. To make the person sit up and take notice.

Not because I want the attention; but because sometimes that is what is needed so that a person will stop…and take notice.

You start a thread in which you state that you hate definiton threads. You then go on to say that you can not understand why people are not more tolerant of others and ‘their kink’. You then go on to say that other people, despite being ‘in a lifestyle of diversity’, have a hard time understanding the idea of ‘your kink is not my kink’.

You say you don’t care how others live their lives. That you don’t care how others view the way you live your life.

I call BS when I see it.

This whole thread of yours was nothing more than you screaming out and saying ‘hey, I am better than all of you…look at me…see how tolerant I am…and see how much I don’t care.”

My question to you, that you have not yet answered is this.

If YOU don’t care how others live their lives; if YOU are so tolerant of their kink...

Why would you need to post a thread about it?



SteelofUtah -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/11/2009 9:50:08 PM)

I would say that I have answered that question.

Because I want to KNOW I want to LEARN.

You are welcome to your Opinion and now that I understand your reasons I thank you for your Input.

I do not believe I am better than anyone, I am just different than some and more like others but I choose not to segregate myself from others especially if I can learn from them.

Perhaps you will understand that perhaps not, but if you think this is a look at Me thread you are mistaken, this is a I wanna look at you thread.

Again Thanks for the input.

Steel



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