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[Poll]

The Wrong Impression


It's almost instantaneous
  10% (4)
About a week or so if other actions show better
  32% (13)
In a month if they show some brain activity
  32% (13)
Three to six months because they screwed up at the start
  5% (2)
six months to a year because changing my opinion is harder
  20% (8)


Total Votes : 40
(last vote on : 3/12/2009 5:59:02 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 6:18:05 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		How long does it take you to get over someone making a terrible first impression?

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 6:19:47 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I usually give it a week, if they realize they screwed up.  But some people are slow learners *looks in mirror*

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 6:28:20 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		Depends on the person. If they realize they've screwed up and came off badly then admit it, I'm willing to let it go at that and start fresh. Otherwise, I give it 2-4 weeks before I totally write them off. Unless they've had multiple people try to give friendly advice which they've rudely shoved back in their face. Then it's a no brainer to me.....  

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 6:34:29 AM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		never!!!!

actually, i'd be watching like a hawk for a long while.

there's nervous wrong impressions and there's complete and utter arrogant first impressions. the former is generally just akward, the latter terminal

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 7:18:43 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Too many variables to answer really.

My gut instincts on a person have never (that I can remember) been wrong. I don't specifically go on a first impression persay. Not as in instantaneous, based upon appearance or what comes out of their mouth, but I watch and "feel" them.

If something about them hits me like a ton of Ick bricks, or my gut says something like "get the fuck away from this creep" I listen. If their energy feels warm and glowy, drawing me in, then it doesn't matter what they are babbling or look like.

The closest I really could come to describing it would be through colours. Different people project a feeling, that has a colour. How I make a judgement is based upon that. It doesn't change.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/11/2009 7:19:45 AM >

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 8:08:52 AM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		I'm pretty good at first judgements of people....but sometimes it's a fast gut feeling, or like LaT indicated, sometimes it's done thru "reading" the person.  There was a guy in my high school that I literally couldn't stand at first sight....and he was about 100' away at the other end of the hallway at school.  To this day, he's still an arrogant idiot that I wouldn't spit on if he was on fire. 

I'm usually willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and will hold off on a final judgement until I can get a feeling for the person.  I tend to work with people much like myself, very strong personalities, opinionated and in some cases arrogant....yeah, I can be arrogant if the time is right......so just by the basis of that, me and my co-workers can spark off of each other very easily.  Some of my best friendships at the places I've worked actually started out as a pissing match.....go figure!

Everyone makes snap judgements......right or wrong in their own eyes....what makes someone different is the ability to rise above the first impressions to get to know the other person.  I guess it just depends on the person.

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 8:23:46 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Whoa, I am with the pack, who knew!  I do make those fast judgements, especially on these fine interwebs, but I have been astounded by how different some folks can become, so IF there is some brain action...

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 8:26:08 AM   
missfrillypants


Posts: 124
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

never!!!!

actually, i'd be watching like a hawk for a long while.

there's nervous wrong impressions and there's complete and utter arrogant first impressions. the former is generally just akward, the latter terminal


exactly. i'm quick to forgive someone if they seem to have been nervous or just said or did something in the wrong way, and didn't mean the impression that i got, but if they're deadly serious about something stupid i'll usually dismiss them as not worth my time.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 8:49:27 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I was just reminded of something I joke about.

There is one particular poster on the forums that I took an instant dislike to when I read his posts. My thought was "what an arrogant prick!!"

Yanno, I actually really enjoy his posts now (though I haven't seen any lately.....) but it wasn't any second chance that changed it. I wasn't making a judgement on the core of who he was, which is what I had in mind when I wrote my first post on this thread.  It was moreso his communication style that grated on me. As soon as I made myself look past that, I saw value in his posts.

When I wrote my first reply, I was also thinking of my judgements of a person......in person. Online, I don't usually "see" enough of a person to feel capable of making a 100% sound judgement. I give them ALOT of rope to hang themselves. Even then, with most people online, I would wait until meeting them in person.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/11/2009 8:50:19 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 8:51:50 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Usually it takes me several months to never! Being a hot headed Irish lad, it takes time to cool down before dismissing the person as insignificant.

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 9:34:00 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild
Being a hot headed Irish lad

I think the word you're looking for is 'passionate'  

Bear, I knew I liked you for a damn good reason besides the fact you have a good heart which comes across in your posts. I wouldn't say a person is ever insignificant, but it doesn't take me long to work out whether they are someone I would enjoy spending time with in person and if they aren't, it doesn't discount them as someone I'd be incapable of respecting.

I've made the mistake in the past of judging a person based on their posts and thought I'd only ever want to meet them in person if they were at the firebrand end of a hot poker - until I did meet them and discovered that highly irritating person online was one of the sweetest, most genuine of persons in the flesh. If I meet someone personally firstly and they've made a poor impression, I try to look at other factors such as shyness/nervousness and environment as that also plays a huge factor in how they respond - some of the dearest persons in my life come across as being very 'prickly' and stand offish when met initially especially if they are having to attend public functions, but once they feel comfortable in someone's presence and in a smaller group setting they simply radiate.

If a person is someone that lauds acting ignorantly at others' expense  (ya know the kind I mean, who love an audience), I don't sit there in silent condemnation.

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 4:05:51 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Like most of the others here, I take into account that the person may be nervous, shy or just socially awkward.  Then I try to engage them in light conversation so they can relax a bit.
 
But if they show real mean-spirited behavior it is all over.  I pay special attention to how they treat anyone below their social standing, like service persons at restaurants and cafe's.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 4:18:35 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		If a bad impression has been made I'm usually the first one to let it slide and try again. In fact, I have long time friends that I'll joke with about the first time we met.... Either I came across as a B with an itch or they did.

I have a bumper sticker that says "Mean people suck." and I firmly believe this. There is no reason for others to be mean. Yes, well all have bad days, but there's something to be said about just plain mean (imo unhappy people). I have no place for them in my life.

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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 4:23:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't think we ever forget someone being nasty. prejudiced etc. We may learn to tolerate these people in small doses but we won't ever choose them willingly for a stay on a deserted island. Now awkwardness or shyness can be misinterpreted but if by my advanced age people haven't learned enough social skills to make an hour meeting acceptable, then they never will.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 4:25:29 PM   
FourQ


Posts: 1370
Status: offline 		It depends on my initial impression of the person.
In my defence, having an appearance that's not the norm makes me more forgiving of those who have a non-standard appearance.

If they come out with something that's either offensive, egotistical, exhibiting machoism, or could be outwitted / outsmarted by a baked potato then I forgive them but may minimise contact with them.

I've been told, and have seen first hand examples of when humour does not translate to "humor".  The majority of Americans I've found do not possess sufficient experience to deal with British humour in a positive way, especially dark and dry British humour.  It's worse again in an environment where facial expression and voice tone is lost and a wink or a 'lol' misdirects the interpretation of the initial wit.
Even when talking on the phone or via webcam with those who I consider to be friends in the States it's never the same as conversing with someone from this side of the pond.  I guess there's something lost in the translation.  We appear to be two countries divided by a common language.

As a result, if somebody from the States says something that I find inappropriate then I would usually give them the benefit of the doubt.  If it's someone over here then I'm more hesitant to do so.


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/11/2009 4:44:57 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you Miss M for correcting my incorrect usage of the word "insignificant."
Rereading what I wrote has made me want to clarify my initial post as it does come across as being too cut and dried and cold.
Normally if I get a bad impression of a person, I do try to pass it off due to outside factors and give them the benefit of the doubt. Often I do give a second, third and maybe a fourth chance and my first opinion has proven me wrong. When it is a bad first impression that offends my personal moral values, that is when that second chance isn't forthcoming. Sometimes my first impressions have been proven false and I ate a healthy dose of crow. That is life and that is another lesson which I needed to learn.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 3/11/2009 4:46:00 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/12/2009 2:51:25 AM   
cravesdom


Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		For me it really depends upon the reason I got a bad first impression. Was it the way they were dressed, had their hair, or smelled? Then I can change that pretty easily and quickly if their attitude and personality are positive. If it is something they said or did, I would have to have a good reason to change my mind. But if I found out there was a valid reason for what they said or did or they truly apologized and seemed sorry about it, that is another story. I am very quick to give second chances, but only if I think the person deserves one.

I remember a first date I had with a man who talked badly about the waitress while we were eating and was fairly rude to her whenever he talked to her. No matter how great he seemed in other areas, that one thing kept me from having a good impression of him. Needless to say there was not a second date.



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RE: The Wrong Impression - 3/12/2009 3:10:29 AM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have probably made more bad impressions than witnessing them.....I can get past others bad impressions pretty quickly.

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Profile   Post #: 18
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