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RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 5:04:49 PM

BKSir

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From: Salt Lake City, UT
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Not a she, but, perhaps if your domme were more forceful about it. For example, throwing you down and straddling you and telling you "You WILL f*** me until I say you're done!". Something like that, in your case, may just help.

Also, don't be afraid to talk with a professional sex therapist about this issue. That's why they're there. And trust me, this is probably one of the least 'odd' things they would have heard. They're there to help you, they're doctors that specialize in a certain area, not unlike gynecologists or opthamologists.

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Post #: 21

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 5:06:29 PM

irishslavedesire

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Thanks BKSir really appreciate it

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Post #: 22

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 5:12:30 PM

YourhandMyAss

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I agree, it's the intention and the thought put into the act.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

*raises hand* I was being sarcastic ... I'm a bitch like that, I can't help it *grin*

I meant what I said though - no act, in and of itself, is dominant or submissive and that includes penetrating for sex.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 23

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 5:15:23 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
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Hi,

I am sure this is a very real problem for you and your Lady. But really I don't have much information to go on. So here are things that occured to me. Have you had this problem in relationships that were not D/s based? You are young to have a problem with maintaining an erection, but have you seen a doctor about it? Is there some past trauma issue that might be causing you to have block when it comes to intercouse? Have the 2 of you tried her on top, maybe that would seem dominant to you if that is the real problem. Has she tried keeping you aroused but not letting orgasm for a couple of day?

I don't expect you to answer the question on the forum as I know I am asking a lot of personal detail, it is just more for you to think about. If you want to email me privately feel free.

(in reply to irishslavedesire)

Post #: 24

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 5:28:58 PM

BoiJen

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Again...not the type of person you want to hear from here (as indicated in your OP) but I have the solution...

Get the bitch to get on top and ride you until your dick falls off...works for me everytime.

edited to add: Blow jobs work the same way.

boi

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 3/11/2009 5:29:30 PM >

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Post #: 25

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 7:58:16 PM

Lashra

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I demand penetrative sex from my sub and I won't take no for an answer. Of course he would never say No anyway. Penetration to my view point is not a dominant or submissive act, especially if the Domme is telling you how she wants it and that you cannot cum until she tells you too.

Personally I pick the time, the place, the position, speed, depth and whether he can orgasm or not. I am in control he is just my toy doing what he is told to do.

~Lashra

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Post #: 26

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 8:10:46 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Not a problem. He can easily satisfy me with a strap-on, or his fingers and tongue, while he stays locked in metal chastity. Yummy.

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Post #: 27

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 9:38:50 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishslavedesire

i mean clicked as in stayed hard inside her...didnt want to be to explicit.

There are plenty of ways to remind you of your place while you're inside her. She can leash you, bind you and then mount you, or strap a plug inside you so that it stays in and reminds you of who's in charge with every thrust.

If you're verbally oriented, she can also mock and humiliate you during the act. If you need physical reminders, she can inflict pain with her fingernails, stuff a dildo into your mouth, slap you, pull your hair, or make you wear lingerie. There are many things she can do to help underscore your submissive identity during intercourse, but ultimately the most important thing is your own mindset. SHE likes intercourse, and SHE wants it. YOU are nothing but a sex toy. You exist only for her pleasure. You are just a human vibrator....get the general drift?

P.S. Don't feel bad. There are men of all orientations who have difficulty with the little head when their big head isn't quite in the game.

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Post #: 28

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/11/2009 10:02:43 PM

LadyAngel1

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I don't find this situation to be overly uunusual. Many submissive males do have problems with feeling that they may be inferior in their ability to provide pleasurable penetration to their dominant woman. Many feel such a pressure to please that intercourse becomes difficult for them. Many such males feel it more natural to be penetrated rather than to penetrate. I have had a few cuckold relationships with males where it would have felt unnatural for either of us to engage in a traditional intercourse method.

In my opinion, it is best if a male can be comfortable giving as well as receiving, but he should also be comfortable if I should decide that he will be the only one on the receiving end.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 29

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 3:09:58 AM

MoGa

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From: Hellizona!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngel1

I don't find this situation to be overly uunusual. Many submissive males do have problems with feeling that they may be inferior in their ability to provide pleasurable penetration to their dominant woman. Many feel such a pressure to please that intercourse becomes difficult for them. Many such males feel it more natural to be penetrated rather than to penetrate. I have had a few cuckold relationships with males where it would have felt unnatural for either of us to engage in a traditional intercourse method.

In my opinion, it is best if a male can be comfortable giving as well as receiving, but he should also be comfortable if I should decide that he will be the only one on the receiving end.

LadyAngel,
I agree with this. Another thought that occurred to me while reading the OP, is how old is his Dominant? If she is an older woman, he may be feeling a little on the ick side, because of parental issues. I am just guessing, I have no idea.

But it is almost akin to a man who can not have sex with his pregnant wife. Elvis was like this. Once Priscilla had the baby, he never had sexual intercourse with her again. Nor did he have sex with any woman who had a baby.**

I don't know the OP. It is merely a guess on my part as to what the problem may be. I am by no means a relationship expert or a therapist.

In any case, good luck with this Irishslavedesire.

MoGa

**Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationships_of_Elvis_Presley

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Post #: 30

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 3:20:03 AM

irishslavedesire

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Thanks everyone for your responses. The lady in question is in her mid thirties and likes plain nilla sex also...which i just cant get into.
I do appreciate everyone taking their time out to reply though.

(in reply to MoGa)

Post #: 31

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 3:36:50 AM

MoGa

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From: Hellizona!
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quote:

The lady in question is in her mid thirties and likes plain nilla sex also...which i just cant get into.

Well now this is interesting. You can't get into nilla sex, and she likes it. You can't stay erect during sexual intercourse (Bless your heart!) and this could very well be the problem. Someone had some really good suggestions on how you can keep yourself focused o being submissive. I would suggest you ask your Domina if she would consider helping you out in that area, by using some of the suggestions. I would not call this topping from the bottom, I would view it as a cry for help, on your part.

Good luck :)

MoGa

edited to correct spelling

< Message edited by MoGa -- 3/12/2009 3:37:39 AM >

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Post #: 32

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 4:44:02 AM

LadyLou

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Joined: 7/10/2006
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Hi Irishslavedesire,

You've had a few good ideas here that may help with your dominant view of penetrative sex in the short term. But ultimately, it's your mindset of viewing penetration as dominant that is holding you back. The way to start is question precisely why you view penetration as dominant. I mean, find the specifics.

Think upon this one, but I can tell you there are no specifics that make the act of penetration submissive or dominant, as there is nothing inherently powerful or powerless in penetration itself, it's just an act. It is an emotional response and the context that makes sexual penetration and it participants submissive, neutral or dominant in orientation. On some occasions, the emotional response of 'receiver of penetration is submissive' is formed by social factors caused by living in a male dominant orientated media, and that's fine for those males who have the predisposition of 'feeling' dominance like that, but it is not fact. Again, its context and emotional response.

My emotional response to my submissives cock (or any cock for that matter) entering me is one where I am dominant. I own it. My vagina sheaths and my emotions/mind/voice control it, regardless of position. I do with it what I please. I take and drain bodily fluids from it for my own gratification. The intensity of dominance within the act itself varies, but because my mans submissive nature towards me runs deeper than just play, even when 'nilla sex is superficially boarderline neutral with no showy acts of dominance, I am always in charge. Because my dominant nature towards him runs deeper than just playing, I am always dominant.

The point all this makes, again, is dominance and submission is about mindset and context, it's where the participants take it that makes an act dominant or submissive. Realising this I feel, is what is going to help you shift your mindset, assuming it wants to be shifted. Does your lady know you feel like this? Your OP comes across as you being in a relationship, but your profile says you are single; the best thing is to talk to her/potential relationship her, tactfully. If you are in a relationship, maybe show her this thread, and question together (or on your own) why you identify as submissive, but view sexual penetration as male-dominant. Perhaps addressing female dominants as “dominant girls” might have something to do with it. Perhaps it's indicating your proclivity towards the female gender?

(in reply to irishslavedesire)

Post #: 33

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 6:27:08 AM

chezzy71

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i'm wondering whether or not you think penetration is a dominant act or that perhaps you just may be thinking about another woman from your past???

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Post #: 34

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 6:39:50 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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I looooooove intercourse sometimes... So, yes it is something I would expect from my boy. I have run into submissive men who were initially not into the idea, because they were trained differently... Fortunately for me, getting my way has not thus far, been a problem, especially since I take what I want, when I want it... Than they get into it themselves, and begin requesting.

M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 3/12/2009 6:45:47 AM >

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Post #: 35

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 6:42:17 AM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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irish, when I was a Domme I did not allow my subs to penetrate me. That was my own rule because I felt less able to dominate well during sex. I preferred keeping a session basically non-sexual other than in allowing them to masturbate. That was just my style and I am not holding it up as a standard for anyone else.

Perhaps what would help you most is in a change of mindset. If you are doing exactly what your Mistress wants you to do then she is still the dominant party. Reverse the roles. Say that I Master enjoys having something inserted anally by his submissive, should she say no because it she becomes the penetrator? Or should she see it as one further way to please him?

I had come up with an idea as a Domme that was meant to take away superior attitudes from subs who thought that they were incredible lovers. It was to cut a whole in a sheet and place it over their privates but covering the rest of them completely. Their job was to lie on their back as still as possible. They were not allowed to reach out and touch me unless I directed them to. Their face was to remain covered so that they would think of themselves as a totally anonymous sex toy. Surprisingly to me a lot of men were really turned on by this idea. Perhaps if you can train your mind to think of yourself as a sex toy instead of thinking of yourself as a penetrator then it would be easier for you to maintain an erection. If not, there are always dildos. : )

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RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 1:30:05 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Not being able to enjoy and get interested in vanilla sex, might be the reason you're not keeping hard and being able to have sex with her.

Is this happening with kinky sex too, with a partner who's in the Dominant position?

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishslavedesire

Thanks everyone for your responses. The lady in question is in her mid thirties and likes plain nilla sex also...which i just cant get into.
I do appreciate everyone taking their time out to reply though.

(in reply to irishslavedesire)

Post #: 37

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 6:06:41 PM

DavanKael

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Have you ever been able to remain hard during sex in which you were the one doing the penetrating? If so, what's different now?
Davan

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Post #: 38

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 6:13:17 PM

irishslavedesire

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I have been given a lot to think about and dont really want to retrain my brain to get excited by vanilla sex. Is all kink about sex and thus kink is the added bonus?....someone said this to me recently.

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Post #: 39

RE: a question of some importance for me - 3/12/2009 6:53:28 PM

Lockit

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Nothing is all about sex in my opinion... but sex is important. You don't have to train yourself for what you term vanilla sex. You just may need more kinky dominance like a few have suggested. Rethinking that penetrative sex is dominance might be good... but I am sure there are things you or a dominant can do to help you, but it may take some time.

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Post #: 40

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