RE: a question of some importance for me (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/13/2009 6:51:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: irishslavedesire

i am very serious Empress Ophira. i see the penetrative act as being very dominant and thus find it hard to do it thus constantly disappointing my Mistress. 


Then where you need to do work is with your understanding of vaginal-penile or penetrative sex as one of Ds instead of what it is -- one of reproduction or pleasure. Everything else is a matter of interpretation and what the couple want to experience.

Only you can work on making this internal change.



ShaktiSama -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/13/2009 9:53:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishslavedesire

I have been given a lot to think about and dont really want to retrain my brain to get excited by vanilla sex.


Then you are not in a compatible relationship.  In the future, you had best be honest and open about your sexual inadequacies and avoid involvement with women who enjoy intercourse--or accept that you will NOT be an exclusive partner to your dominant, and that she will have at least some of her sexual needs met elsewhere.

No relationship will work when the basic sexual needs of both partners are unmet.  I am deeply sorry that so many submissive men seem to be so irreparably damaged in this regard, and honestly seem to have bought in to the myths promulgated by both Church and Porn that penile penetration is by definition male dominant, enjoyed only by the male, and that ALL dominant women need nothing more than "oral service", strap-on sex and sadism to be satisfied with their sex lives.

This has not been true of the vast, vast majority of heterosexual female dominants I have ever met in my life.  Even in cases where those dommes do not allow penetration from submissive partners, the majority I have seen were enjoying penetrative sex in vanilla marriages/partnerships or even in relationships with male dominants.




subinchico -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/13/2009 2:34:27 PM)

Try Viagra or another venous drainage blocker it's all you  need dude.  And, you may only need it for the first time and never again with this female.  



DelilahDeb -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/13/2009 2:48:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishslavedesire

Thank you Ladies for your responses especially you Lady Pact. i will send you a mail and maybe you can help me out. I would really appreciate that Lady Pact.Its not that penetrative sex is a hard limit quite the opposite its just that psychologically i cant seem to perform and it is quite upsetting.


Cock rings come immediately to mind. So do vibrating butt plugs (stimulate the prostate!). I have one stainless steel cock ring-butt plug combo that encircles balls & all, then elbows across the perineum to an aggie-sized steel butt plug. Just getting it into place at both ends has proven extremely stimulating for my sub, and I can just touch any part of the connector with any vibrating toy for a great boost.

I have also had a great deal of fun turning the intercourse tables on a sub, with my trusty Feeldoe™. I get off, he gets off, we all have a blast, and whee. (I've upgraded the bullet vibe in it for battery longevity.) Now, if you need to be reminded that you are subordinate as well as submissive in order to perform, I'd put you into restraints of some sort, me into a good supportive chair or sex sling, and make certain I have crop in one hand and flogger in t'other so that I can keep your endorphin level up. 's amazing how much enthusiasm a good sexually submissive man can bring to the table when he's being encouraged thoroughly.

Lady Delilah Deb



irishslavedesire -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/14/2009 5:26:28 AM)

Thanks everyone for the replies! Maybe this lady just doesnt demand it enough and wants normal vanilla sex after some kinky play. I am a D/s er through and through and
it seems that i can only perform under strict control and guidance....like a personal fuck toy and not as an equal. Anyways You sound amazing Lady Delihah.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/14/2009 6:40:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinchico
Try Viagra or another venous drainage blocker it's all you  need dude.  And, you may only need it for the first time and never again with this female.
I completely disagree with the viagra suggestion for a young man.   This may entail counseling, or some honest introspection.   I think what he needs to try, is to discover what it is that makes him horny and gives him an erection, and go with that.    It may be a dominant lady, but may also not have anything to do with having or being with a lady.    

It's one thing to date a man >45yo, and run into some occasional difficulties, and suggest viagra.    I think it's important to try and figure out what makes a young man tick, rather than throw viagra at him.     Than there is the low libido type, who are not physically hot and bothered by anyone, but ought to be respected and accepted as they are, if they enter a relationship with that honesty revealed.   M



YoursMistress -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/14/2009 7:31:13 AM)

I understand what you mean.  The penetrative aspect of sex does psychologically have a "dominant" quality about it for me.  Perhaps it is in the same way that anal penetration seems to be a popular activity largely initiated by the Dom/me on the sub.  I haven't had the opportunity to try either since the recent dawning of my BDSM interests.  It makes me wonder whether this association might lead to difficulties.  Thank you for you daring and honest post. 

yours



thetammyjo -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/14/2009 7:55:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishslavedesire

Thanks everyone for the replies! Maybe this lady just doesnt demand it enough and wants normal vanilla sex after some kinky play. I am a D/s er through and through and
it seems that i can only perform under strict control and guidance....like a personal fuck toy and not as an equal. Anyways You sound amazing Lady Delihah.



Before you go and blame the other person, you seriously need to look at your own ideas about sex. That is where the conflict truly lies, in you.

You can decide to try and tackle your assumptions about sex or frankly as ShaktiSama said, you may discover you have greater difficulty finding a stable Ds partner than you would if you could offer her the entire range of sexual activities.

How to tackle these ideas?

Therapy might help but that will involve costs.

Lots of reflective writing and open discussion with your partner(s).

Redirecting any erotica or porn you view to be more equal or focus on male submission with penetration involved might help you see things in a new light but I'm wary of most porn out there.

Just some ideas. Do with them what you will but please, if you decide to not try to look at your own attitude and do the work to adjust it, don't complain about this issue again when it comes up again. I personally find that very tiresome on these forums.



YoursMistress -> RE: a question of some importance for me (3/14/2009 8:09:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Redirecting any erotica or porn you view to be more equal or focus on male submission with penetration involved might help you see things in a new light but I'm wary of most porn out there.


Great idea Miss TammyJo.  My Second life Mistress often gives me writing assignments and was disappointed in my unwillingness to assert or allow myself pleasure in my own erotic stories for her.  She directed me to write about myself as a man (I play online with her as a woman) and to take control in situations.  This does tend to open my mind up to possibilities that don't appear if left to my own devices, so to speak.   Thank you. 

yours



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