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Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 5:46:21 PM   
Corsets


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/11/2009
Status: offline 		Hi everyone, this is my first post!

I've been involved in BDSM for a few years, and before I figured out that I didn't like the top position and really loved being a submissive, I scened with a few people and found that I really enjoyed inflicting pain on them when they were open to it. However, I also enjoy getting pain, so I'm a masochist as well.

How does this tie in with submission? How can I bring this up to a prospective Dom? What are some ways a submissive could still be submissive but itch that scratch?
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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 5:59:21 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards!  :>  My 1,500th post is in response to your 1st.  :> 
Hmmmm, couple of things.  Do you believe it is possible to be submissive while inflicting pain?  If so, then I suppose identifying as a submissive that is both asadist and masochist applies.  If you don't think it's possible to be submissive while inflicting pain, I would query whether you are a switch and potentially welcome you to 'the club' (Secret handshake to be disclosed when your secret decoder ring is delivered, lol!). 
As for how to bring such things up with a prospective Dom...just like you did here.  I've not perved your profile but it would be something worth adding in there if it isn't already included.  Sometimes folks like behaviors that aren't the stereotypical 'standard' for a particular orientation.  As a personal example, with males, I prefer to be submissive but I also really dig using a strap-on (Which can be a Dominant or submissive act depending on the dynamics and intent). 
Just be straight-up about what you like and who you are. 
And, again, welcome!  :> 
  Davan

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 5:59:27 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Haha, thankfully, C is a bit of a masochist, and doesn't mind at all when I scratch his back during a bit of fun. Biting, etc is also fun... and he let's me practice on him with staples and needles.

If that doesn't float your doms boat, perhaps find another submissive who's cool with occasional play sessions.


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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 6:02:33 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		just be polite and bring the subject up..Many Doms enjoy a bite of pain or two..and a few will let you find other subs to work on..if you chose too..after all..if he enjoys watching you work, its under his/her supervision..therefor under their rules...lol
                                    Huntertn

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 6:14:31 PM   
Corsets


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/11/2009
Status: offline 		I'm a hands on person, and I don't really want to beat people with tools, but the idea of making someone weak from what I'm doing to them is such a rush. I don't want to control the situation, I just want to make them feel great.

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 8:42:16 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You are submissive in role and both Top and bottom in activity. If they have issues with it, they have issues with you and should move on.

Master Fire


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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 9:17:38 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		Corsets,

Welcome to the boards.  All you really have to do is find a Dominant Masochist.  There quite few around.  I am both a sadist and a masochist, but I am always Dominant - I don't switch. Even when receiving pain I am still in control. Since you say you don't need to control you just like to inflict the pain for the person because they like it, you would be perfect for a Dominant sadomasochist.

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 9:22:45 PM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		welcome to the happily confused world of humans..

How can I bring this up to a prospective Dom? pick up his single tail after a scene and flog his ass with it.. then laugh..

or you could tell him i dig getting spanked but like to return the favors..

sounds like a switch in activitys or what i'd call a ornery submissive with a mean streak...

your on my bad side now..  ;)





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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 9:32:15 PM   
MissLaura1973


Posts: 161
Joined: 11/11/2008
Status: offline 		Hello Corsets. I find myself echoing LovingMistress45, in that while I am always a dominant I am also, at times, a sadist and a masochist. In the role of the latter, though, I am always the one in control, dictating what happens, intensity, etc. I'm also more of a sensual sadist than anything else - feather light touches, border-line tickling, teasing, etc. Not for everyone, but it gets my blood pumping. Just be honest about your desires and communicate openly with prospective dominants.

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/11/2009 9:33:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Enjoying Top or bottom sensations during play does not especially mean someone is a switch.  It means they are a sub who enjoys topping or a Dom who enjoys bottoming.  Play is different than orientation.  

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 5:46:23 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		i have some really interesting thoughts but i'm not sure if i have the desire to top anyone =p
but lady pact is right, enjoying things like that doesn't make you a switch really

if the guy is a prospective Dom, maybe you could just mention it from the beginning? that way he'd already know it's something you're interested in exploring and you can go from there

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 5:56:35 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You could service top a friend. You could co-top someone with your dominant. You could top someone under the supervision of your dominant. If you go out to a public play space and indulge yourself in giving pain once every couple of months, it in no way means you aren't submissive.

There are submissive sadists and masochistic dominants. Being a dominant is about taking the lead in the relationship. S & m is about giving and taking pain, or just sensation.

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 6:06:37 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I imagine something like feral play might be fun for you.  The poor little prey trying to escape her fate kind of thing. Lots of physicality, biting, scratching, even all out assault, but the power dynamic still remains intact.

In short, yes, you can be a submissive and enjoy dishing out pain.  It is the motivation behind doing so and whether or not you want the power along with it that determines switch tendancies to me.  I want the whole thing.  I am switch.  You do not.  You want to provide sensations that please the dominant.  Sometimes, you would like for those sensations to be of the painful or uncomfortable variety.  There are dominants out there that are happy to oblige.

lovingpet

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 6:48:50 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		I really appreciate how you can clearly and unemotionally state facts and let them just be facts with no judgment or baggage.  

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 7:18:36 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums Corset;

May I suggest working in tandem with a Dominant on a third party. Then you are not in control of the scene and acting as another implement of pain while still feeding that need in you to be both sadistic and masochistic. Perhaps a Poly or semi Poly situation might fit you best.

Good Luck

poenkitten

(in reply to Corsets)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 7:39:30 AM   
Corsets


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/11/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replies, suggestions, and welcomes. I have actually thought of poly, and it's something I'd be interested in exploring (although at a much later date).

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 9:24:50 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Corsets

Hi everyone, this is my first post!

I've been involved in BDSM for a few years, and before I figured out that I didn't like the top position and really loved being a submissive, I scened with a few people and found that I really enjoyed inflicting pain on them when they were open to it. However, I also enjoy getting pain, so I'm a masochist as well.

How does this tie in with submission? How can I bring this up to a prospective Dom? What are some ways a submissive could still be submissive but itch that scratch?


I'm a sadistic, mosoichistic submissive.

My former Master knew this and because he enjoyed being bit and scratched. I was allowed to bite him and claw to the point where he said stop. I wanted to bite harder *eg* but he was the boss afterall.

Best thing is to tell your partner what you like and you might find out he's into it, or atleast willing to give it a shot.

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/12/2009 5:06:43 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		what akisha said...

I have partners who have a masochistic side to them, play can get a little... invovled.  I think, in general, three of us broadly decided to ditch "rules" and "roles" and have a good time, it all settled out in the wash with each of us landing where we felt comfortable and having a good time in the process.

Different strokes for different folks, and I do different things with different partners too.  One has no desire to be hurt, so I don't hurt him, a because he doesn't want it and b because it wouldn't be fun.

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RE: Submissive sadist? - 3/13/2009 2:50:22 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		~FR~

I love the thought of "I'll top you if you top me first!" XD

Anywho, submissive sadist (and masochist) reporting for duty :D

I dunno, I have myself labeled as switch because of it. Do I think it will be particularly hard to explain to anyone? No, not at all. The easiest way is to say flat out what you like to do, rather than applying a label, because then you're not giving 'accidental' connotations that the partner might have with that label that don't count. 'Course, we can't do that with the other side, but the theory still stands.

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Profile   Post #: 19
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