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feydeplume -> RE: Consensual slavery bliss - Am I on the right track? (3/12/2009 7:48:12 AM)
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We all have our demons, fears and doubts that tell us you are weak, you are stupid, you are clumsy, you are hopeless, you are worthless. Imagine if you will, one by one, all of the demons are laid to rest and no longer cause you any pain, where there was fear you now have hope and aspirations, where there was doubt you now have confidence and praise, all of your sins have been confessed and forgiven and yet still, you are loved even more. You bared you soul to this man and he reached inside, stilled the chaos and ripped out all that was dark and ugly and replaced it with light and beauty. Could this be the answer that I was searching for?
The demons are, generally speaking, not laid to rest but they are no longer allowed to hid in the shadows of a mind and slowly poison the soul. They are dragged out and named and mocked and embraced. Sins, of whatever definition, continue day by day and the confession and forgiveness for those sins also continues day by day. The dark and ugly is glorified not removed; it is transmuted to a lovely terror, a beautify horror. The demons, sins, and that which is dark and ugly, to use your words, are fundamental to the slave's identity both before ownership and after. But the way they are viewed changes from rejected to embraced. I am not explaining this as well as i would like, yet i hope the concept comes though. A slave gives up the right to define a demon as a demon and the M redefines that demon to something else, something with a terrible beauty. The dark is still dark, but the M casts light on those shadows so they have shape and gives them a purpose other than gnawing on the slave's soul.
quote:
A final thought occurred to me and that is the nature of pain and its role in things. Many submissive pride themselves on how much they can endure, each strike becoming a badge of honor. To reach the limits of pain to sub space, trust must be pushed far beyond any normal limits. The trauma of pain strips away all emotional defenses leaving the woman completely exposed and vulnerable which creates a very deep emotional dependency. It is often practiced and strongly advised that submissive change dominate partners because of the risk of creating an unwanted emotional attachment outside of a relationship. Is the exploration of pain merely a distraction or is it really a vital key element that will push beyond that wall from conditional to unconditional?
Submissives don't really enter into a discussion of this level of slavery (I AM NOT SAYING ONE IS BETTER THAN ANOTHER, RATHER THAT A DISCUSSION OF MASOCHISM DOESN"T INVOLVE CARS. THESE ARE DIFFERENT CONCEPTS, AT LEAST TO ME. and i find it hard to follow when submissive and slave are interchanged and considered, contextually, to be interchangable.)
While what you say in the first three sentances many be true of some submissives, it in no way relates to submission in toto, non-masochistic submissives, many Bottoms, or to your topic of consensual slavery. For some there is no sense of trauma associated with the pain, so it does not strip away anything and instead it is its own fulfilment. Even in those that enjoy and embrace the pain past the point of pleasure do not necessarily form any emotional dependancy on the person that gave them that pain. In a sense that person can become a fixation but there is no emotional dependancy necessary. If someone hits you just the right way and it is oh so good, you merely want that experience again. A person can use emotions as an excuse for their reason for seeking that person out again, but the naked truth of it is often that the person craves the experience more than the person.
Where pain and slavery (in the relationship sense, rather than the scene or play or short term sense) overlap is totally different than where it goes with masochism. Many slaves are masochists. They embrace the pain as reward, as attention, as acceptance of who they are. But the pain, for the masocistic slave isn't a tool to create or form emotional dependancy in and of itself. It is the way, the context of the pain that creates that bond, that lowers and erases the emotional boundaries and creates the vulnerability and trust. So yes, pain is a vital key to consensual slavery, but not BECAUSE of the pain, but because of the context of the pain, the way it is given, the manner of its use as reward and constant, fixed element of the relationship. The pain can be a tool to learn to step away from being ego-centered, but it is by far one of the least useful tools to do so. Often it is used to give or reinforce the ego and sense of self in a slave.
The move from conditional to unconditional is actually moving from one continuum to another, from the submissive continuum to the slave continuum. In other words a total remake of expectations of self,the world, relationships, partners, and sexuality. Some submissives make this jump and some slaves make the jump to the submissive continuum. Heck some slave's jump to the dominance continuum or the 'normal' continuum. So it surely is not the pain per se that causes a person to totally re-evaluate their life expectations, but rather the experiences before, during, and after the pain, after the shower, after the endorphin drop, after morning break with their co-workers, after watching their favorite sit-coms and crime shows, after all the 'play'. Somewhere inside something goes PING, and the person starts redefining themselves and their needs. It is a totally internal, solitary experience and usually (ok always in every case i personally know) happens with no M leading or pushing the self to change.
Sometimes there is a M there, someone to bond to as the person re-defines or awakens to the differences between what they have been told they are too want and what they really want, but the M is not what makes it happen, though they can be, and often are, a lighthouse by which the slave navigates the inner seas of self.
just my two cents
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