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BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 12:32:12 AM   
SirJoe1211


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BDSM is not, nor has it been for quite some time [singularly] a “Lifestyle.”

Webster’s dictionary defines a “lifestyle” as: [The consistent, integrated way of life of an individual as typified by his or her manner, attitudes, possessions, etc.]

Thus, as individuals, we are singular and alone within a community we call the “BDSM Lifestyle.” As we dig deeper “lifestyle” includes qualifiers such as: “Manner, Attitudes, Possessions’, etc.” If the BDSM lifestyle was practiced by [only] a few people, yes, it would qualify under this limited scope. This is however, not the case. According to the Kinsey Institute as far back as 1993, of sexually active adults, 14% of men and 11% of women engage in SM activities at least occasionally. Thus it can be extrapolated that today, the suggested percentage of those engaged in SM is closer to 18-20%. Obviously not all of them are active BDSM Community Practitioners. But they don’t need to be.

Webster’s defines a “culture” as: [The ideas, customs, skills, arts, etc. of a people or group that are transferred, communicated, or passed along, as in - or to - succeeding generations; such ideas, customs, etc. of a particular people or group in a particular period; the particular people or group having such ideas, customs, etc.]

BDSM Practitioner’s have formulated [ideas] regarding ethical practices and relationship dynamics, [customs] of how to act as a community, and the rituals we perform as a part of that community [skills] regarding the activities we enjoy and the level of expertise required to perform those activities safely and effectively, [arts] the visual, literary or interpretive affirmations of the bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism we display, either by our own creation or that of others. These affirmations of ideas, customs, skills and arts are [transferred] through training and mentorship, advice and individual interpretation, [communicated] in threads like this, and in workshops given at any of the hundreds of events each year to [succeeding generations] encompassing both the new and the youth of the community, as it has been since the days of the Back-Patch Clubs (Old Guard) of the post WWII era with the presentations of leather as a formal affirmation of peer acceptance.

Yes, BDSM is a broad spectrum term, but I am also Irish and American Indian, and those are cultures I am a part of, even if only on the periphery, because of my genealogical heritage. Thus it stands to reason that BDSM (regardless of how loosely one associates themselves) does not remove the auspice of a formalized “culture” as the term is defined or as the community has evolved and identified itself. Keep in mind that a culture does not have to be the majority of societal members to be legitimate. Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes said [regarding the culture of free speech] (the Constitutional Right by which we live these beliefs) “Societies can only hope to progress toward the – ultimate good – by free trade in ideas, not by silencing expression that challenge dominant cultural beliefs.” In this case the "Victorian societal norms" by which vanilla's live would be the "dominant cultural beliefs" and W/we the BDSM Community et.al., would be expressing challenge to those norms.

Cultures exist in companies and organizations, in members of socioeconomic classes and within the borders of countries and geographical regions and religious beliefs. Thus BDSM as a culture has a set of cornerstone ethos by which we define our community standards, those being Honor, Integrity, Accountability, and Respect. From these base building blocks we have defined relationship dynamics, values and principles (which allow for situational diversity and individuality) as well as expectations we have for those within the community constructs.

Although there is no defined legal protections under the law for BDSM, there is case law that defines cultural constructs as a legitimate defense [when] they are known within the community and act as a standard by which the group or community observe or practices its beliefs. On a side note: (The sad duality of the free society in which we live, means an abuser will rationalize criminal behavior sighting the BSM culture as justification. Our protections against this are the very ethics by which we live. The clearer the definition of the culture, the safer we can become from those who would bastardize it in defense of criminal violence.)

In the end, the true need to understand BDSM as a sexual orientation, lifestyle, or culture depends on the ability to define it using legitimate and appropriate definitions that can be quantified and validated with objective - visual proof of practiced beliefs, rituals and arts. Under these constructs, the appropriate understanding for BDSM would, in the most encompassing definition, be:

A “Culture defined by its ethics, beliefs, rituals and arts - collectively “principals and traditions” - as such principals allow for situational diversity understood as ‘lifestyle choices’ which take(s) into consideration the individuality of how I/We/They practice those accepted traditions of community at large.”

Written by Sir Joe



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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 1:36:53 AM   
HeavansKeeper


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Sir Joe, I read your post. It's lucid, organized, well edited, and grandiose. But I don't feel I learned anything from it. It reminded me of reading (literally) chapters on why squares are not rectangles, as defined by certain operational definitions.

It feels like the intended audience is "People-who-think-BDSM-is-a-bunch-of-kinky-whackos-who-need-to-stop-prancing-around-in-their-leathers-and-costumes-and-get-a-real-job,-you-damned-whippersnappers!"

I don't mean to belittle the post. It has a great deal of merit. I'm complaining about the "Preaching to the choir" feel I get. Back in highschool I had a real dick of a teacher. He would read something and say "So?"



... So?

Edit: I conclude by saying that there are a great many people who would be floored by this passage. The aforementioned intended audience are the ones who arguably run the world at current. And that's sad. My words were a bit harsh, and without call, but I refuse to change them. Here, among the "enlightened", don't be surprised if you see very little awe.

Another way of saying all this is "Great post, Sir Joe. Very nice read."

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 3/13/2009 1:41:54 AM >


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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 2:20:22 AM   
SailingBum


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This is the second post tonight that ppl are citing the Kinsey report.  His research has never been valid.  In a thumbnail he did not use any "standard methodology"  There is a pretty accurate movie re his studies my reaction was he used his credentials  to have sex.  There are quite a few sites that debunk his work.

BadOne 

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 2:50:18 AM   
CNJDom


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I think it's a very good post Sir Joe.  There are some here in the ranks that are going not take something from this, while others will.  There are more people here with varying degrees of knowledge and experience, and some are most likely struggling with others that are close to them who do not understand what BDSM is or why it exists or the "what possesses possesses people to go around hitting eachother?" question that is sometimes posed, and perhaps this will help.  Anyway to explain it to someone who doesn't know...to enlighten or defend or promote, is a good thing.  Some may feel it but not know the best way to articulate it in their heads.  I truly feel that someone will gain something from this and be influenced in some manner.  Knowledge always has a place and a need.  Thanks for sharing yours! 

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 2:59:06 AM   
aravain


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Very philosophical (essentially what HeavensKeeper said about a diatribe of why squares are not rectangles).

Not very likely to change anyone's usage of the term.

BDSM culture, as it pertains to a group of people, is made up of individuals leading lifestyles. Since very few of these lifestyles are cookie cutter 'perfect/same' the "culture" is a loose collection of many "lifestyles" (in my opinion, of course). Therefore someone living in the BDSM lifestyle who is also, part of the BDSM culture would fall under your umbrella. Not everyone need be living a BDSM lifestyle to be PART of the BDSM culture or vice versa, however, and there's the main distinction.

Just as a random person doesn't need to BE Jewish (born, raised OR converted) to live a Jewish lifestyle, or how someone who lives a Jewish lifestyle doesn't need to be part of the culture. It's essentially the same thing.

EDIT: Gawrsh I'm not even speaking in complete thoughts. Retooled to actually make sense
EDIT2: Tense seems to also be evading me.


< Message edited by aravain -- 3/13/2009 3:03:17 AM >

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 3:35:36 AM   
CatdeMedici


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quote:

In the end, the true need to understand BDSM as a sexual orientation, lifestyle, or culture depends on the ability to define it using legitimate and appropriate definitions that can be quantified and validated with objective - visual proof of practiced beliefs, rituals and arts. Under these constructs, the appropriate understanding for BDSM would, in the most encompassing definition, be:


"using legitmate and appropriate terms": Immoral, illicit and illegal.

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 4:18:07 AM   
eyesopened


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJoe1211
Webster’s dictionary defines a “lifestyle” as: [The consistent, integrated way of life of an individual as typified by his or her manner, attitudes, possessions, etc.]


Interesting post.  My Master and I gave up on the culture of BDSM a long time ago.  However, it is our consistent, integrated way of life and is typified by our manner, attitudes, possessions, etc.


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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 6:37:14 AM   
DesFIP


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I'm not part of a culture or a lifestyle. I don't feel it incumbent upon me to follow others' traditions, rituals, or protocols.
And I don't do s & m.

I'm a Jew. Passover is coming up, and then you will see me following traditions, rituals and protocols.

But how he and I relate to each other is something we work out for ourselves. And I have zero interest in our bedroom activities being approved by some official board.

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 6:37:47 AM   
chamberqueen


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It can be a lifestyle to the people that live it.  Not all attend munches or get involved with others besides their partners.  To them it can be a true lifestyle and not just a game played from time to time.  I live my life as a slave and it is typified in my attitude, gestures, choice of material objects, etc.  What you are using as proof against something is actually proof FOR it in many ways.  Perhaps the group of people living the BDSM "lifestyle" as a whole constitute a "culture" but it is incorrect to assume that people aren't living the lifestyle that they prefer.

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:04:19 AM   
lovingpet


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I kind of choke on having to use both terms to be honest.  I don't really believe my relationship and sexual practices makes me so radically different from any other person in my overall culture.  As a matter of fact, I only think that I have chosen to formalize and put more thought into some things that were always running in the backdrop.  Do I really think my grandparents were chasing each other around with floggers when younger?  No.  I believe, in their case, there was a specific power structure in the home when it was operating well and this collapsed when things went astray (sounds like D/s to me on a less organized level of course).  S&M is a form of sexuality and has been around in some form since pretty far back in history.  Just because I take the time to pick apart techinque, tools, and desired effects does not mean it has become anything more than what it always was.  I still use the term "lifestyle" because it is part of the way I live my life and it is less intimidating to new people to talk about a lifestyle than give them the sensation they are about to be separated from all they have ever known and be somehow different and outcast from their own culture.

That being said, a lifestyle is the individual aspect of a culture or a sub-culture.  There are general trends and some areas of commonality.  These are extremely loose because they are individual and are modified to meet the needs and desires of the person/people living within that relationship together.  A culture has a set of generally accepted practices and some level of enforcement.  This also exists with BDSM.  There are mantras, regardless of individual belief about them, that are expounded often.  SSC, RACK, safe words, and more.  It gets even more specific the deeper into the formalized side of public "lifestyle" one goes.  DM's at a BDSM club often have specific rules of the club they enforce along with specific ways the individuals have to behave.  An example is the "mandatory" use of safewords and that they are specified which are acceptable at a specific club.  This becomes a cultural level discussion.

Now we have to look at the real numbers of people that are accepting or at least cognicent of the general cultural norms to determine the level of culture we are dealing with.  These would be people who go to munches, clubs, and organized events (whether they play or not) because this means these place the social controls upon the individual lifestyle.  People who are not practicing in this fashion are no less living "the lifestyle", but they are not part of the formal culture because they either do not know the secret handshakes so to speak or have rejected the overwhelming majority of the generally accepted terms and conditions that are part and parcel of participation in the "culture".  When those numbers are subtracted from all those in the "lifestyle"  the numbers dwindle quickly and leave you with something more akin to a sub-culture.  A significant, but still small group of people who have placed themselves under the social control of norms, practices, and sanctions that differ from the general culture, but are still answerable to the larger culture above them.  The laws of the land still apply even though what an individual in a sub-culture does stands counter to it and, if the two come into conflict, the laws of the general culture will win because they are formalized and unusurped by the sub-culture.

That brings up the question, is this a counterculture?  No.  Many things that are formally accepted in this sub-culture stand counter to the primary culture.  Countercultures, by the very terminology, has to stand diametrically opposite to the norms and mores of a culture and, if fact, be vehemently attempting to usurp that culture.  Could this become a counterculture?  Possibly, but doubtful.  Acceptance by the general culture is much more valuable to the BDSM world (in general, as I will not speak for everyone).  Acceptance would allow open practice without sanctions such as ostrizing, job loss, being crippled in custody issues, imprisonment for consentual practices, and more.  The establishment is slowly and reluctantly moving in that direction.  It would be difficult to change the tide and go counter at this point.  Counterculture is about changing the world.  Acceptance is about making the world more tolerant of individual variance.  Counterculture is about huge ideals.  Acceptance is about simple requests.

What is the conclusion then?  At best BDSM has become a group of indivdual lifestyles that have occassionally come together in a formal sub-culture structure.  It is not an entity unto itself like the culture of an entire nation or people group.  It is not something so counter as to upset the general order of things.  It really is just relationship and sexual practices that are more intentionally selected and carried out by individuals who enjoy those things.

lovingpet   

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:15:16 AM   
LATEXBABY64


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can we get a pie chart of this   I am sure the numbers are right

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:17:33 AM   
lovingpet


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LOL Latexbaby!!!!!!

lovingpet

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:24:24 AM   
GreedyTop


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*burps*

*scratches butt*

Culture?


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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:26:59 AM   
Christinestill


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rofl!

~drools over GT~

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:29:08 AM   
GreedyTop


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*adores Ms Godzilla*

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:37:47 AM   
CreativeDominant


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Culture...lifestyle...I've been a married father, a divorced father, a soldier, an oil well worker, a doctor, a family member, a hot rodder, a motorcyclist, a dominant.  There are "lifestyles" and a "culture" associated with all of those.  Some aspects of "The life" and some aspects of "The culture" I fit into and some I do not.  I learn the "rules" in each, do what feels right to me and not offensive to the majority of others within the group (while understanding that I am going to offend a few...oh well), and live my life while all the while learning about each of the cultures and lifestyles I am associated with and what parts I can intermix and what parts I keep separate. 

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:48:58 AM   
feydeplume


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I like that you gave a concrete definition of lifestyle as that has come up as a talking point a lot over time. It might even answer the question that gets posed of "why do you say lifestyle in your profile?" I like that you have taken the time to understand the definition of culture and to see where, in a Venn diagram sense, you and others fit into that 'culture'.

All that said, BDSM is ONE and only ONE of the sexual-interpersonal umbrella terms used for people involved in examined lives that include a range of sexual habits and beliefs. If your intent was to speak to the sub-set of people that practice BDSM as defined as bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, then hoorah, this is a good textbooky way to introduce and define your audience. If you were trying for a larger audience, say the kinksters or the fetishists or the 'taken in hand' (is that the right name?) or the Leather or Gor or Female Supremisists, then your definitions fall a bit short. I mention this because all these cultures exist and interact (not always well or happily) with the BDSM culture. Some actions or beliefs of BDSM are also incorporated in these other cultures, but they are seperate and distinct cultures from the BDSM culture. I doubt Goreans want (from my observations of their reactions as a group, individuals notwithstanding) to be under the same umbrealla as the Female Supremists and, in fact, why should they? They have few common beliefs or actions (unless you totally remove gender from the equation, which would be bizarre and dishonoring to both), and do not mingle easily or see eye to eye on much of anything other than they are not part of the BDSM culture as a whole. And many of them will even debate THAT one point.

I know I annoy with my long WIITWD-BDSM-KINK-FETISH-ETC and my use of the the word 'stuff' but there is a reason that I  do so. BDSM is NOT the same as Leather or Gor or D/s or any of the other large, vocal groups and cultures that are uncomfortably lumped together under the over-symplified label of BDSM. I am not trying to be some sort of purist or one twoo way-ist, in fact I am endevoring to be accurate and respectful of other's cultures and many way-ist. And i feel (notice feel not think) that lumping so many divergent and incongruous peoples together does us all a disservice.


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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 7:55:14 AM   
Lockit


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Damn... I thought I was just a bitch and went with that...

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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 8:14:16 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Damn... I thought I was just a bitch and went with that...


Ditto.


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RE: BDSM is More Culture than Lifestyle - 3/13/2009 8:14:43 AM   
antipode


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quote:

Webster’s dictionary defines a “lifestyle” as


Nah. I agree with everybody who disagrees with ya.

I think it is indeed a lifestyle for those who proclaim it to be. I know of folk whose entire lives are interwoven with BDSM, who spend their vacations at BDSM farms, who go to work in leathers, etc, they think they're in the "lifestyle". That's up to them, I don't need the labels, but I think freedom of speech means that you can use them if you feel that's OK. Your piece reminds me strongly of all those people that need some kind of external framework for their lives - from churchgoing Christians to Gor aficionados, there are folks who need a manual to live. I roll my own.

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